When your girl asks you that question...

[SoSuaveDJ123]

My girls friend cheated on her fiancé with another guy. My girl was telling me the story, how she ****ed up and how messed up it was. Then she said that the friend keeps apologizing to him and that he should forgive her.

Then she asked me if I would forgive her if she cheated on me.

I kinda got angry, and told her that the mere fact that she asked me that question means she doesn't know who I am. Then I told her I don't know what I would do. She kept pressing, and then I said in a firm voice "if you want to know, then test me. And we'll see what I'll do." Then I ended the convo. She then said I shouldn't get mad because its not a metaphorical thing with her, she just wanted to know if her friend has a chance still.

Did I handle this properly? I also reframed and asked what she would do if I "****ed" this girl that likes me. She was taken aback, but then said she probably wouldn't forgive me.

How did I do?

 

[alpha_ash]

Pretty awesome I'd say to turn it around on her! Good work. I'd like to know more on this issue as well incase it comes up in the future.

 

[SoSuaveDJ123]

It's scary bro, at the time I was thinking "**** I wish a real DJ was next to me to coach me through this."

 

[dap]

I think the content of what you said is good. I would avoid getting mad/upset/defensive (or at least showing that you are) because it can come off as insecure and reactionary. Not saying you did this, but something to be aware of. It's best to be unaffected.

Why not minimize it and turn it into a joke:
HER: "What would you do if I cheated on you"
YOU: "Depends." [serious face] "If it was with a girl, I'd demand a threesome" ;-)

 

[rhythmic]

I'd say "depends on the circumstances, way too much to consider" and go back to what I was doing when she asked.

Also... Sounds like she was a bit too interested in your answer...?

 

[BeDJ]

What's wrong with saying No?

 

[Masculinity]

If I were to give you a grade, I'd say B-. Although you kept the frame, you appeared indecisive when admitting you wouldn't know how to handle it and you got upset. When unsure, keep quiet and give it some thought before answering, rather than blurting anything out. Personally, I would have said "if you cheated on me, I would drop you like a bad habit and completely take you out of my life. Then, I would move on and find a woman who is worth my time." BAM!:box:

 

[SgtSplacker]

I would never just tell a girl yes I would get mad, when asked that. Because the focus of your convo will invariably change to be about you getting mad. You get mad you lose... I have been asked this before. And it's a great opportunity to drive home a huge DHV for you and DLV for her.

I just say that the only rule in relationships I have is to be fair, and that anything my girl can do I can do also. I said "It would just change my relationship to an open one. I had to cutoff alot of my female friends to honestly be faithful, it would be fun to see them again." Here she sees things happening against her control, things changing permanently. And as far as you are concerned for the better. You are creating an environment of competition for her, between her and your fun female friends you enjoy hanging out with (critical for any good relationship). You are also suggesting that it is easy for you to "cutoff" girls you are not really interested in. Combo this in by saying "Don't get me wrong, I want a faithful relationship with a woman I love. But i'll just keep looking for that until I find it." and she will understand exactly where she stands and what is going to happen if you even suspect she is cheating. This puts her as easily replaceable, but in a situation where you are trying to have an "honest" relationship with her.

It's a win win scenario if your girl cheats on you man, don't be mad. Stop spending money on her and keep hitting that until you find a better girl. Use her as social proof with other women you are more interested in.

 

[betheman]

Id say..."of course Id forgive you and wish you a happy life"

 

[Biggie]

My guess is she already hooked up with someone else behind your back. I really doubt she would ask that if it didn't already happen or if she was considering it.

That happened to me a while back. A girl I was seeing asked if i would get mad if she hooked up with my friend. I told her of course I would. Then, 2 months later, i found out she had hooked up with him. Needless to say he's not my friend anymore, and she's a dumb *****.

 

[perseverance]

Id say..."of course Id forgive you and wish you a happy life"

You're always on the button with your one-liners, that's what I would have said with a huge smile on my face.

I have quite a menacing smile, so that line would have gone down a treat.

I bet had the shoe been on the other foot, the girl would have been singing from the opposite hymn sheet, I find a lot of women are quite hypocritical.

 

[omega05]

I dont understand. You already said what you said and now you're coming here asking if you said the right thing

 

[rascal99v]

maybe she has been cheating on you. why else would she press and be upset about it? just a hunch

 

[Sneevox]

I think the content of what you said is good. I would avoid getting mad/upset/defensive (or at least showing that you are) because it can come off as insecure and reactionary. Not saying you did this, but something to be aware of. It's best to be unaffected.

Why not minimize it and turn it into a joke:
HER: "What would you do if I cheated on you"
YOU: "Depends." [serious face] "If it was with a girl, I'd demand a threesome" ;-)

****y and funny doesn't work for everybody.
In this situation, I would have said just what you said.

"Dunno. Try and we'll find out what I do."

 

[Atom Smasher]

If I were to give you a grade, I'd say B-. Although you kept the frame, you appeared indecisive when admitting you wouldn't know how to handle it and you got upset. When unsure, keep quiet and give it some thought before answering, rather than blurting anything out. Personally, I would have said "if you cheated on me, I would drop you like a bad habit and completely take you out of my life. Then, I would move on and find a woman who is worth my time." BAM!:box:

Robyn for the win.

What many men don't understand is that a woman looks to YOU to set the parameters of the relationship. She wants and needs this.

By hearing you set those parameters, she knows in no uncertain terms where the limits are. By being enigmatic or C/F, you are weakening the wall of acceptable behavior and one day she will skip right through because you didn't set the parameter in the first place.

 

[Trump]

My guess is she already hooked up with someone else behind your back. I really doubt she would ask that if it didn't already happen or if she was considering it.

I agree with this. That question is akin to asking an employer "Would you fire me if I stole money?"

Think it's less about setting parameters and more about than common sense. She should ask about travel experiences, business, money, music, dancing, not "what would do if another guy knew how to make me vulnerable in 8 minutes with his words, so I had no choice but to get naked with him.

Pretty much a trap question.

 

[BMX]

Id say..."of course Id forgive you and wish you a happy life"

Doesn't get much better than that. I had a plate ask me this recently and I told her NO. Unworthy behavior to have to put up with. She is out of my life for good now and I have no complaints or anything further to add.

 

[DonJuanabe]

Remember guys, the frame isn't just the subject matter of what's going on, it includes your attitude (your frame of mind). Control the topic and control your demeanor.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Maybe it's because i'm indifferent to how they'll respond to my response to this question, but when a girl I'm dating ask me this question... first off, I've been very good up to this point choosing girls that are faithful and don't feel the need to cheat on me. With that said, when they ask me this question, my response is simply: "Yeah, I'd forgive you, but I'd also dump you and find someone else to go out with."

And I say this very nonchalantly, as if it's a fact... because it IS a fact. I'm never so attached to a woman that I don't think I can't find someone else 'cause the truth is, I CAN. And I don't have a problem letting them know that, either. Now, if they get mad at my answer, there's no need for me to date them - them having a pass to cheat on me shouldn't even be in their thoughts in the first place, so if it is I don't need to be dating them.