a recent thread reminded me of something that happened at my old job.
i had spent the day walking around and supervising a reset of a department, once i was done, i downed 2 one liter bottles of water in about 10 minutes (i was daamned thirsty)
so i go another 20 minutes finishing up and getting ready to leave, when i feel the call of nature. it's nothing serious, so i walk over to teh washroom which is next to the staircase leading to our lockers/offices/lunchroom.
i'm not 20 ft away from the washroom when one of the cashiers i was currently hooking up with on occasion came down, going home. She sees me, and stops to have a little chat.
i'm not desperate to take a piss, so i waste 5 minutes talking to her. she actually wants to wait for me so we can go grab a bite to eat. I say ok, just wait 5 mins while i take a piss and lock up. Now it's starting to bother me and i need to go, NOW.
Being the girl she is, she leans in and gives me a great big hug, the kind where her perky little tits are squeezed up against my chest, one hand is on my lower back and the other wraps around my upper back to my chest. i couldn't help it, my rifle ****ed itself!
it was a case of worst time, worst place, i'm wearing tightish denim jeans so my guy is suffocating. i manage to get into the washroom fast enough to let the little guy out in front of the urinal...
...
...
...
and nothing. my **** is so hard that i can't force the piss out. It's literally HURTING just trying to get it out.
So at this point i start thinking of all the worst things that could happen, i could bust my urethra, i could have a kidney burst, i could break my vas deferans! (unfortunately i knew alot of biology).
3 minutes into it i looked up and said this out loud.
"Why are you doing this to me? is it because of last weekend? I swear, i'll never do it again!!"
another guy who works there is on the crapper and hears me (i didn't know i had company)
"Sam? is that you? WTF are you talking about?"
i'm chill with this guy so i tell him.
"Dude, HB8 gave me a hug and i got stiff, now i can't piss and my kidneys are going to burst!"
He starts laughing his ass off. And even though i'm bent over in pain i can't help but start laughing too.
It's now 5-6 minutes, i'm seriously considering starting to scream "MEDIC!" it's so bad. my 'friend' has left me abandoned with a cruel smile on his face and a nasty smell in the bathroom, ****er didn't flush on purpose!
i'm at the point where i'm about to start jerkin just to get the damn thing to go down. i'm begging forgiveness for all the times i made fun of prostate problems and nearing tears.
finally, about 8 minutes into the ordeal, it goes down enough that i can get a high pressure stream to come out at like supersonic speeds, it's coming out so fast i have to step back to avoid the backsplash and aim it properly. if anybody saw me i don't care, it took a full minute to drain my system and it felt SOOO good. like i leaned over and had to support myself on the wall to keep from falling down.
once i'm done, i relax a minute, wonder if HB8 is still outside, wash up and leave the washroom... into a crowd of like 20 people.
Damn bastard told everybody and poor HB8 is nowhere to be seen.
they're all looking at me. it takes me a second to think of what to say.
"Prostate Cancer ain't funny anymore! Get your ass checked!"
lol i still get mentions of this from random people who hear about the story
i had spent the day walking around and supervising a reset of a department, once i was done, i downed 2 one liter bottles of water in about 10 minutes (i was daamned thirsty)
so i go another 20 minutes finishing up and getting ready to leave, when i feel the call of nature. it's nothing serious, so i walk over to teh washroom which is next to the staircase leading to our lockers/offices/lunchroom.
i'm not 20 ft away from the washroom when one of the cashiers i was currently hooking up with on occasion came down, going home. She sees me, and stops to have a little chat.
i'm not desperate to take a piss, so i waste 5 minutes talking to her. she actually wants to wait for me so we can go grab a bite to eat. I say ok, just wait 5 mins while i take a piss and lock up. Now it's starting to bother me and i need to go, NOW.
Being the girl she is, she leans in and gives me a great big hug, the kind where her perky little tits are squeezed up against my chest, one hand is on my lower back and the other wraps around my upper back to my chest. i couldn't help it, my rifle ****ed itself!
it was a case of worst time, worst place, i'm wearing tightish denim jeans so my guy is suffocating. i manage to get into the washroom fast enough to let the little guy out in front of the urinal...
...
...
...
and nothing. my **** is so hard that i can't force the piss out. It's literally HURTING just trying to get it out.
So at this point i start thinking of all the worst things that could happen, i could bust my urethra, i could have a kidney burst, i could break my vas deferans! (unfortunately i knew alot of biology).
3 minutes into it i looked up and said this out loud.
"Why are you doing this to me? is it because of last weekend? I swear, i'll never do it again!!"
another guy who works there is on the crapper and hears me (i didn't know i had company)
"Sam? is that you? WTF are you talking about?"
i'm chill with this guy so i tell him.
"Dude, HB8 gave me a hug and i got stiff, now i can't piss and my kidneys are going to burst!"
He starts laughing his ass off. And even though i'm bent over in pain i can't help but start laughing too.
It's now 5-6 minutes, i'm seriously considering starting to scream "MEDIC!" it's so bad. my 'friend' has left me abandoned with a cruel smile on his face and a nasty smell in the bathroom, ****er didn't flush on purpose!
i'm at the point where i'm about to start jerkin just to get the damn thing to go down. i'm begging forgiveness for all the times i made fun of prostate problems and nearing tears.
finally, about 8 minutes into the ordeal, it goes down enough that i can get a high pressure stream to come out at like supersonic speeds, it's coming out so fast i have to step back to avoid the backsplash and aim it properly. if anybody saw me i don't care, it took a full minute to drain my system and it felt SOOO good. like i leaned over and had to support myself on the wall to keep from falling down.
once i'm done, i relax a minute, wonder if HB8 is still outside, wash up and leave the washroom... into a crowd of like 20 people.
Damn bastard told everybody and poor HB8 is nowhere to be seen.
they're all looking at me. it takes me a second to think of what to say.
"Prostate Cancer ain't funny anymore! Get your ass checked!"
lol i still get mentions of this from random people who hear about the story