blind_one
Master Don Juan
Enter the zone, your zone.
Took some days off work plus the holidays give me plenty of time to catch up on everything, and enjoy myself in woodland solitude and on the dance floor of an electronic music club.
When starring at the moon or crackling embers in the campfire came a time for recollection. I remembered why I was and am grateful that I found this place sosuave.net forums. My only wish would be to have found it earlier in my life. In my high school years I was a virgin nerd playing World of Warcraft, training judo 2 days a week. I met good people and started socializing with class mates. I realized I was socially retarded so to speak. People were expanding their social circles, partying making connections. I was not one of the cool guys but I tried to do my best but back to the main topic.
Self belief and confidence. These are core values for a Man/DJ/XYZ. I had almost none, I wanted to act but I did not know how or why. I was lost, shy and timid. There was this one girl, her name is Alexandra, who I remembered from kinder garden. I remember playing nintendo in her room when we were like 6 yr old. It was a place of hapiness, kids having fun. I remember it vividly to this day. In my chump highschool days I met her, we connected I even went on a ''date'' with her. I wanted to be closer to her, was happy in her company. My hands were shaking I was nervous, again I was lost and did not know what I was doing. I blew it , or maybe I did not, it did not matter. What mattered is I prevented myself from crashing and burning and never asked her out again, which only prolonged my start at bettering myself. Let yourself fail sometimes, find your limits so you can expand. I found her picture from skype a couple years back, she will always be this good memory, a childlike Disney fantasy.
In high school there was just this one girl - funny right
. Her name is Martha a dancing instructor, fit and cheerful, she knew she caught my eye, as I was shy but I messaged her often on the IM. After 2 semesters she switched schools. She stayed in contact with our class and went to prom with us. We smuggle some booze in, get a nice buzz have fun. She comes up to me and says: Hey why don't you dance with me, after all you talked to my so many times on IM [....]. There is no hesitation in my mind ,I just get up. I am proud of myself for that, being a chump AT LEAST I did not decline like a fagg0t. I let her do most of the work as she is a pro and I try my best as well.Best dance of my life. That song always brings that moment to my mind. I thank her and sit down, guys are looking at me like I am a billion bucks and basicly congratulate me, geniune or not I was happy. Next day I said **** it, how about I meet up with her ? We meet grab a beer in pub then I walk her back to the bus. We split on a note that we should see each other again. During our meet up I was a nervous chump, a wreck like before. I decided to not contact her again. I retarded myself , again. I was my worst enemy.Rose tinted glasses much but both these chicks were really hot and were probably digging me to some extent but thats not important. What hit me later is what matters.
Last year I stumbled onto Martha's FB profile, as I was trying to schedule a reunion with high school folks. She is married and has small daughter. I gape in disbelief, my Disney bubble bursts. At that point I was unplugged and red pill but it still hit me like a freight train. It only reinforced my resolve. To take action and live life without regrets.
"Don't you want to take a leap of faith? Or become an old man, filled with regret, waiting to die alone! - Saito from "Inception"
I was a skinny ass pos with mild acne but as a thinking human being I had that hidden potential. As time passed I begun exploring countless possibilities, found sosuave, started to have a grasp on life and world around me. I started to influence and mold it to my thoughts. As Pook once said - As you think you shall become.
From a teen, at one point with suicidal thoughts I became me. I am still that person, but better faster and stronger on a way to excellence, caused by glorious members of this board.
There are no choices. Nothing but a straight line. The illusion comes afterwards, when you ask "why me?" and "what if?". When you look back and see the branches, like a pruned bonsai tree, or forked lightning. If you had done something differently, it wouldn't be you, it would be someone else looking back, asking a different set of questions.
Embrace action, so that you can live your life to the fullest, without regrets.
Regardless if in any point in time you are doubting yourself or not, I want you, the reader, to recollect on your past self and find strength in what you have already lived through. Death of a loved one, in this case my Dad, your past regrets, your improvement, your failures, your Disney like memories. They all make you but you are the key factor, the mind, think tank behind the operation called life. The guy at the steering wheel. Be driven and drive your life, in a direction of desired excellence.Embrace action, so that you can live your life to the fullest, without regrets.
I wanted to thank all the members that helped me and will help to shape my life the way I want to live it. As I grow I also will do my best to help others on these boards as I myself have been helped.
PS. I re-read my early posts from when I have just registered after lurking for some time. Brings a smile to my face thinking I have improved so much, yet the horizon is still far away .....
All the best to you all,
blind_one out
