When We Try to Start a Conversation, We Will at Least Sometimes be Judged

[TheSlasher]

I thought I was just playing a numbers game. I did not get her number, or anything. I thought it was nothing to her after that. Then a few weeks after, I saw her FB profile and added her. I saw a post about me in her profile. I'm not sure about how much I cared about the girl's opinion, but my friend (a guy) who was our mutual friend laughed at me on her comment section.

The gist was that I was kinda stupid for not knowing their world. I don't even know how I'm feeling right now. Maybe, I am slightly offended. Maybe... I don't know. Is this how it's liked to be shocked? I mean, I never thought that that guy (my friend) would do that to me.

I tried giving it a thought, and I don't know what to make of this. Anything you can say about this? Do you guys think that the girl sensed my desperation, when I though I wasn't being desperate and was just trying to start a conversation? Do you think thinking about this would be beneficial? Is there anyway that I could make this "discovery" useful for me?

 

[Serenity]

If it's you or the other can sometimes be hard to determine. What you think can sometimes cover up what you actually feel, and what you feel translates in your communication. Women are generally very good with emotions, so they easily see what you actually feel rather than what you say. So if you have a feeling of desperation you might send off signals without knowing it, despite thinking otherwise.

Understanding another persons point of view is essential to great communication, you don't necessarily have to agree though. Having negative feelings covered up hinders this communication and women easily pick up on it. I know this because I know their world and what they have to deal with in terms of guys.

So you gotta be aware of how you feel and how this affects how you act, talk, move etc. Emotional intelligence is like mind reading, they don't know what you think. They do know how you feel and what this means though.

 

[3agle 3yes]

What you think can sometimes cover up what you actually feel, and what you feel translates in your communication.

So you gotta be aware of how you feel and how this affects how you act, talk, move etc. Emotional intelligence is like mind reading, they don't know what you think. They do know how you feel and what this means though.

I quoted these because I'm confused by what you're trying to say.

How you think PRECEDES how you feel and how you feel precedes how you behave.

Thoughts >>>> Feeling >>>> Attitude >>>> Behaviour.

If you get your thoughts in check the rest will follow...

I thought I was just playing a numbers game. I did not get her number, or anything. I thought it was nothing to her after that. Then a few weeks after, I saw her FB profile and added her. I saw a post about me in her profile. I'm not sure about how much I cared about the girl's opinion, but my friend (a guy) who was our mutual friend laughed at me on her comment section.

I mean, I never thought that that guy (my friend) would do that to me.

The derogatory comment the girl made and the response from your mutual friend doesn't surprise me and should not surprise you.

As I like to say:

"You can know more about people by what they say about others, than you can by what others say about them."

Due to insecurity, some people need to ridicule others to make themselves feel valuable.

I'm not sure about how much I cared about the girl's opinion

I don't even know how I'm feeling right now. Maybe, I am slightly offended. Maybe... I don't know.

The fact is, you care about it enough to make a thread.

And of course you are offended.

Do you guys think that the girl sensed my desperation, when I though I wasn't being desperate and was just trying to start a conversation?

What did you do or say with the girl in question?

There is nothing wrong with approaching a girl, there is nothing wrong with starting a conversation nor is there anything wrong for trying to get her number or asking her out.

MAYBE you could've done it better, but you did not do it wrong...

Don't be effected by the attempt at "sexual shaming".

 

[Serenity]

I quoted these because I'm confused by what you're trying to say.

How you think PRECEDES how you feel and how you feel precedes how you behave.

Thoughts >>>> Feeling >>>> Attitude >>>> Behaviour.

If you get your thoughts in check the rest will follow...

Thoughts and feelings can go both ways in my experience. You might be feeling something, then try to cover it up with thoughts. Result is that attitude and behavior reflect feeling, meaning your feelings betray your thoughts. As he said he think the girl might have sensed his desperation, but he thought he was not being desperate. If he was sure he wasn't desperate I can't see why he would even ask about it here, so there's doubt.

In the case your feelings are under control, then it can follow the course you suggested. This is clearly not the case here though.

 

[3agle 3yes]

Thoughts and feelings can go both ways in my experience. You might be feeling something, then try to cover it up with thoughts.

Okay I understand what you were saying.

However, a person who covers up their feelings with thoughts aren't being honest with their thoughts.

I desperate person is desperate because he thinks like a desperate person...everything else is merely rationalising that behaviour.

 

[TheSlasher]

Thanks for the insight, guys. I'll read them again and reflect to gain a better of myself and the situation I'm talking about.

What did you do or say with the girl in question?

Well, I just opened her by asking about her college degree because she looked familiar. After knowing her course, I asked what kind of job it gets because it really wasn't some type of program that a lot of us would understand from the get go. Then I decided to shut up and stop the conversation because I had nothing to say anymore and because you know, I'm not that interested in talking things any further. All I know was that I was trying to practice my conversational skills.