When to tell her I was engaged before?

[BULL3TPR00F]

I'm dating a girl and we both like each other. I was planning on telling her that I was engaged before (didn't work out) when she brings up ex g/f's and b/f's. So far I've been on 4 dates with her and the topic has not come up. When should I tell her I was engaged before? Should I wait until the topic comes up? I could bring it up if I want...

I don't think it's a big deal that I was engaged before, but I want her to find out through me. I may introduce her to my friends next weekend and I don't want my friends bringing it up somehow without me telling her first.

Should I tell her next time we are out to dinner (I'm not going to make a big deal about it)?

 

[Desdinova]

Why do you have this dying urge to tell her? What is it going to accomplish?

I generally don't talk about my past gfs with the women I date unless I enter into a LTR with them. The only time I tell them is if it's necessary to improve things between the two of us. I dated one girl who was talking about how it was a bit awkward that she was over 10 years younger than me. That's when I told her that my last gf was younger than her. It helped put things in perspective.

 

[Married Buried]

I agree. Don't tell her a damned thing. Problem solved.

Just tell her you have had a serious relationship before. Learn to be vague about things and never give details. It's how salesmen make millions.

If it happens to come up when your friends tell her? So what, you tell her you mentioned it already. If she says you only said "serious relationship" and not "engaged", you say "it's the same thing".

 

[BULL3TPR00F]

I was thinking about going that route too - not saying a damn thing...

But if I do that, don't you think she will get upset if she finds out from someone else? I don't want it to be like I was hiding something from her...

 

[Warrior74]

Drop and give me 10 readings of the DJ bible. You've gone soft as cotton son. Harden up.

You care too much. You lose the game already. You could make this a mystery she teases out of you, but here you go wanting to confess because you like her? Who is she to be privy to the details of your life and what has she done or shared to earn those details? WHy is what she might think more important than your right to your own private history. It's none of her business or concern and yet you think it should be. There is no way telling her that at DINNER will not be a big deal. It will look like some huge emotional red flag. Leave it out son.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Bullet proof,
Do you have a Death Wish?.....Tell them nothing...If she thinks you have had no one in your life before,you will lose perceived value!....If she hears rumours from someone else,just say"Of course there have been others in my life,we all make mistakes don't we?...life is very much a learning process they mean nothing to me now"....If she still persists then just say "Unpleasant memories are best forgotten,why rake over old sores?I am just looking forward to a future with you"...If she still goes on then just say "Look I am not going to be drawn,these people are no longer on the scene,why do they worry you?"

 

[Desdinova]

But if I do that, don't you think she will get upset if she finds out from someone else?

Like who? Unless you have mutual friends who know your past really well, she won't find out from anyone because you're not introducing her to your friends yet.

Also, it doesn't matter if she gets upset. You will NEVER keep a woman 100% happy. You must learn that women thrive on emotional fluctuation rather than happiness.

 

[zekko]

Maybe I'm just jaded by these divorce-happy times, but I don't understand why this is a big deal at all. You were engaged, it didn't work out, it was called off. Why would this upset her or make her mad? Why would she even care?

 

[speed dawg]

But if I do that, don't you think she will get upset if she finds out from someone else? I don't want it to be like I was hiding something from her...

Why are you hanging around and being friends with people that air out your old business? There is NO REASON for anybody to be telling this girl this type of information, unless you are best friends with her dad or brother, which makes it even worse of an idea to be dating her. Perhaps you should re-think your social circle?

Now, that's beside the main issue here, which, to answer your question...NO....don't run your mouth to her. You need to man up. If she asks, tell her. Who cares? You bringing it up to her just reeks of you wanting to share your little feeeeeelings with her. Which is pathetic.

 

[BULL3TPR00F]

Thank you everyone for talking some sense into me. I really appreciate you all taking the time to write back. I decided I will take your advice and NOT tell her about it until she starts asking questions. When the time comes, I will casually mention it and not go into great detail and act like it's no big deal.

 

[BMX]

Admit nothing. Deny everything.