When To Stop Playing The Game

[Burningblue]

After being dumped this weekend, I had the intense feeling that sometimes it doesn't matter how well you play the game. Sometimes it's just not the right relationship for the other person. Then, I started having doubts again about whether or not I had played the game long enough. This girl was showing her feelings for me so I felt that it was safe to show mine for her. She had trouble trusting men because of past painful experiences and I didn't want to scare her off by playing too many games. I was sure that she would leave me if I was too much of a challenge. Also, as much as people hate this phrase, it seems as though you need to be able to be open and be yourself at some point or the relationship will just continue on false pretenses. Not all of us are actually ****y/funny, hard to get, mysterious guys. I agree that using these techniques is a great way to get women interested in the short term but I'm looking for long term input, not PUA stuff. I would be interested to hear, based on actual experiences, some opinions on how long you need to play the game after the girl shows that she likes you. Anybody who is in an LTR could be a big help. Let me know how you guys did it.

 

[thederekeffect1]

Life is a game. You never stop playing. You're just a little upset right now because you got dumped. It happens to the best of us.

I will say this. You're right when you say that you have to be yourself at some point, and not everyone can be ****y and funny. ****y and funny originated as a tip, but got blown out of proportion to mean that it's something you have to do. Not every guy can be a stand-up comedian. The main thing is confidence. Confidence in yourself and confidence in your ability's. Confidence cannot be faked. Confidence in yourself means knowing who you are and being totally comfortable with who you are. That means, don't try to be someone that you're not. People (especially women) can read right through it when you're trying to be someone you're not.

 

[Burningblue]

Thanks

Great advice about confidence. I have to admit that mine was not quite up to par during the course of this relationship. I came off as megaconfident in the beginning but the truth came out after a couple months. All my insecurities and the fact that she was bringing most of the happiness into my life, it all started to show. I had recently moved to a new city to start a new career and I didn't have any social life other than her.
Maybe I'll work on my career, building friendships, and being happy with my place in life before I pursue anymore ladies. As much as I'd like to go find the right woman now, I don't think I'm ready.

 

[thederekeffect1]

Maybe I'll work on my career, building friendships, and being happy with my place in life before I pursue anymore ladies. As much as I'd like to go find the right woman now, I don't think I'm ready.

Hey, man. I like how you think. Some people on this board could learn from that statement. Always worry about yourself first. But hey, while you're working on getting that dream job and making friends with whoever, there's no rule that says you can't still talk to women and practice those social skills with them. Hell, maybe even have a few one nighters until you're ready for a relationship. Good luck.

 

[shumon]

U play the game until u fall in luv. thats when u fight for that person every bit of the way

 

[three12]

Great advice about confidence. I have to admit that mine was not quite up to par during the course of this relationship. I came off as megaconfident in the beginning but the truth came out after a couple months. All my insecurities and the fact that she was bringing most of the happiness into my life, it all started to show. I had recently moved to a new city to start a new career and I didn't have any social life other than her.
Maybe I'll work on my career, building friendships, and being happy with my place in life before I pursue anymore ladies. As much as I'd like to go find the right woman now, I don't think I'm ready.

Burning Blue,

You have potential. Much potential. That is clear.

You put to much value in her. She was bringing most of the happiness into your life.

Come on man. How about the fact that your starting a new career, have new found independence in a new city all on your own. If you were single when this occured, your life would be filled with emotions, a roller coaster.

So happy to be moving forward in life, scared about having no family/friends near by. You'd be forced into meeting people, exploring yourself as an individual, meeting new challenges every day. Meeting new people. Growing. Evolving.

Instead you had a crutch. Your girl was your crutch. You put pressure on her to keep you away from your insecurities instead of beating those insecurities and becoming a better person.

Stay single for 12 months. Then ReRead your above post. Beleive me, you'll see the biggest mindset change. Bigger then you'd ever imagine.

I was once in the EXACT same situation as you. I let a girl I liked become my crutch and it all imploded.

Now however, I have grown so much as a person, I have so many interests and hobbies that I don't need a girl in my life. A girl will never BRING happiness to my life. Instead she will SHARE in my happiness. We will be happy together. No pressure.

I recomend you read the post in my signature. It will go more in depth but you'll need to peice a couple of peices together. Your more then capable.

three12.