When to remove someone from your friends list in Facebook or Myspace?

[GtarPlayr73]

I created a Facebook account several years ago for friends and networking but didn't really put a lot into it. About a month ago, i updated my profile, added pics, really maxed out all the detail in an attempt to meet new people, especially chicks. I know there is a huge discussion on whether facebook is legit for meeting new HB's, but i figure, give it a shot and i could use the distraction from my oneitis situation that most of you know about. I got laid off of myspace last year, so.

I'm only "sarging" chicks close to my age who seem to have a good deal in common with me, from what i can tell in their profile.

Anyway, I hit up this one chick and she accepted my add request. So far, she's one of only two women on my friends list (the other is my sister!). I emailed her a short message and made sure to mention something specific, how we had common interest in international culture and how i was a sucker for her name, which might not have been a good thing to admit vs being aloof. She accepted the add immediately but took a few days to reply to the intro email. She didn't write much but ended the message by asking me what i do for a living. I replied, prob a bit longer than i should have (a paragraph instead of just a few sentences) and finished by asking another question or two about her. That was a week ago. She hasn't written back even though she's signed in plenty since then. So she seems to have dropped all desire to continue writing me. This has also happened with two other female "friends" i recently added on myspace. Did they turn off quick because i didn't ask to meet right away?

Now to my main point/question and, really, only people who use Facebook or dreaded Myspace need reply. When a woman does not write you back, even though it's clear that she's logged on in the past day or two, she clearly doesn't think much of you and is probably "all set". Chances are, she's made her mind up about you and has no intention of furthering the exchange. My inclination at this point is to remove her from my friends list. I mean, why should i keep her on if she doesn't have the decency or interest to write back? I just look like a chump by retaining her as a "friend" and she gets free social proof by having another guy on her friends list. Agreed? Why would i want to see her face on my friends list or read about her latest little news report?

 

[Vulpine]

*sigh*

Dude, chicks just accept "friends" to increase their "friend" counts. "Look at all my friends - I'm popular!"

Don't request to be friends. That's like saying LJBF before you even start; and if they're not interested, your profile is in their collection like a trophy.

Don't delete her profile. Start collecting trophies of your own. If they accept you as friends - the more you have, the more social proof you have: many female "friends" = desirable. Funny how it works backwards for chicks: many male friends = slvt

 

[MVP]

I wouldn't delete her, use her for the same reason why she's using you, for social proof. You should definetly have more females on your friends list.
What I would do is send her another message, but not in a desperate way. Maybe comment on something in her profile by being kind of witty making no mention of the previous mail, and then if she replies, you can continue the conversation as if nothing happened or playfully neg her for not replying you the first time. If she still doesn't reply any messages, then you can delete her if just looking at her annoys you.

 

[GtarPlayr73]

It did cross my mind to retain her for social proof purposes as beggars can't be choosers. I will follow your advice and retain her. Now, if you shouldn't add women so as to avoid LJBF, how can you amass them for social proof purposes? Seems like a catch-22. Unless you mean add women you aren't interested in, but don't add ones you ARE interested in. Maybe that explains why NONE of the women i've requested AND emailed responded to either, except for this one.

I could not be lazy and search the forums, but there seems to be a huge amount of advice to sift through. Do you have any quick tips for crafting a standard message that is suitable hitting up women aged 27-35? God, women have it so easy. Scores of messages from men every day. Any way to stand out, make HB's work for you? BTW, Facebook definitely seems classier and more mature than Myspace...

 

[Vulpine]

Seems like a catch-22. Unless you mean add women you aren't interested in, but don't add ones you ARE interested in. Maybe that explains why NONE of the women i've requested AND emailed responded to either, except for this one.

Kinda a "lose-lose" deal, isn't it?

I stand by my belief that internet dating, chat, and text messages are nothing more than video games for women. Rather than sit in front of the PS2, X-box, PSP, or computer feeling good about slaughtering aliens, increasing HP's, getting better race times, and killing time, they sit in front of the phone/computer feeling good about getting attention and killing time.

But... form your own beliefs. Good luck with it. Have fun with your new video game.

 

[edger]

I created a Facebook account several years ago for friends and networking but didn't really put a lot into it. About a month ago, i updated my profile, added pics, really maxed out all the detail in an attempt to meet new people, especially chicks. I know there is a huge discussion on whether facebook is legit for meeting new HB's, but i figure, give it a shot and i could use the distraction from my oneitis situation that most of you know about. I got laid off of myspace last year, so.

I'm only "sarging" chicks close to my age who seem to have a good deal in common with me, from what i can tell in their profile.

Anyway, I hit up this one chick and she accepted my add request. So far, she's one of only two women on my friends list (the other is my sister!). I emailed her a short message and made sure to mention something specific, how we had common interest in international culture and how i was a sucker for her name, which might not have been a good thing to admit vs being aloof. She accepted the add immediately but took a few days to reply to the intro email. She didn't write much but ended the message by asking me what i do for a living. I replied, prob a bit longer than i should have (a paragraph instead of just a few sentences) and finished by asking another question or two about her. That was a week ago. She hasn't written back even though she's signed in plenty since then. So she seems to have dropped all desire to continue writing me. This has also happened with two other female "friends" i recently added on myspace. Did they turn off quick because i didn't ask to meet right away?

Now to my main point/question and, really, only people who use Facebook or dreaded Myspace need reply. When a woman does not write you back, even though it's clear that she's logged on in the past day or two, she clearly doesn't think much of you and is probably "all set". Chances are, she's made her mind up about you and has no intention of furthering the exchange. My inclination at this point is to remove her from my friends list. I mean, why should i keep her on if she doesn't have the decency or interest to write back? I just look like a chump by retaining her as a "friend" and she gets free social proof by having another guy on her friends list. Agreed? Why would i want to see her face on my friends list or read about her latest little news report?

I've written so much about this in the last couple of days, lol..not sure if you've been following my other posts GuitarPlayer, but in case you haven't, what I was saying is that you need to have chicks leaving you "comments indicating interest" on your page in order to stir the interest of other chicks, otherwise you're f*cked. I just got rid of my MySpace page because I had no "comments indicating interest" except by one chick who was overweight and not too attractive. I used to have more comments last year but those users who commented me have deleted their profiles, and along with the deletion of their profiles, their comments have disappeared with it. Before I deleted my profile I emailed A LOT of women, some I heard back from, some I didn't. The ones i heard back from were attention wh*res with no interest, due to my lack of comments. MySpace wasn't getting me laid, so I deleted it. I would guess in your situation that you don't have "comments indicating interest" from women, that's why these chicks you've been emailing haven't shown interest. Having women leaving you "comments indicating interest" is so important if you wanna hook up with women through MySpace, I cannot stress that enough. And also in order to stir other chick's interest, the women leaving you the "comments indicating interest" need to be attractive, otherwise you're up the creek.

 

[edger]

Oh yeah, and in regards to deleting these b*tches from your page, don't. Deleting them will only show them that they got under your skin, thus floating their ego's even more. Indifference is the role to play. I know, you know how bad I wanted to delete these chicks from my page too? I wanted to badly, but I knew playing the indifferent role was better than giving her more of an ego boost, and also being yet another guy on her friends list.

 

[speakeasy]

I stand by my belief that internet dating, chat, and text messages are nothing more than video games for women. Rather than sit in front of the PS2, X-box, PSP, or computer feeling good about slaughtering aliens, increasing HP's, getting better race times, and killing time, they sit in front of the phone/computer feeling good about getting attention and killing time.

Dude, this makes just way too much sense! I think you nailed it.


As to the whole thing about having many females leaving you comments as a must, I think that's 100% right as well. Right now I'm even tempted to set up fake profiles of hot women and set their profiles as private so nobody can see that they are fake profiles and then leave comments on my page. That would be an interesting experiment.

 

[speakeasy]

Oh yeah, and in regards to deleting these b*tches from your page, don't. Deleting them will only show them that they got under your skin, thus floating their ego's even more. Indifference is the role to play. I know, you know how bad I wanted to delete these chicks from my page too? I wanted to badly, but I knew playing the indifferent role was better than giving her more of an ego boost, and also being yet another guy on her friends list.

Actually I did end up deleting one such girl, and when she noticed I deleted her, she wrote, "what, I know you didn't just delete me!" then the conversation sorta picked back up. Another similar thing happened with a different girl on myspace. I just deleted her because I got sick of her posting so many bulletins. Then she was frantically asking why I deleted her. I re-added her but ignored her message asking why I deleted her.

 

[drmeathead]

facebook is younger and classier than myspace simply because it is college driven. keep them on ur profile. people dont know if u guys are ****in or just myspace friends. girls love to get attention on these sites. i have hooked up with several myspace and facebookers. it does piss me off too that people dont respond to myspace. it is rude but it just goes to show you that women that are attractice feel they dont need to be polite and can act like *****es. they get 433435 emails a day. they ***** about it. like its a burdern. make ur profile private if you dont want it. they love the attention not u. just remember that.

 

[Latinoman]

I'm going to reply because about 3 years ago...I used to have a page in this thing (similar to MySpace). You add friends,posted pictures, etc. I don't remember the name of the place.

Here is the trick. Do not focus on ONE girl. Your first focus should be to have at least 20 females added to your list. Go in a hunt. Update your picture once a week (I did that in that particular place and got "hit" by 2 or 3 women). Once again, that place was not a dating place. It was just a popular social network prior to MYSpace.

Of course, I did not hook up with any. Why? Because I did not want too.

I discourage men to stay away from that crap. But I'm making an exception with you. At least it will keep your mind away. That said...do it for a few days...get your confident back...and then go back to the REAL world.

 

[profitASAP]

Myspace friend requests isn't sarging.
These chicks get spammed with friend requests by the hundreds.

I'm actually surprised this question is even in the "Mature Man" forum. MySpace, Facebook and their ilk have their use--particularly for shameless self promotion if you're a musician, artist, or other professional type that benefits from this sort of public exposure.

Essentially, its a metaphor for life--as a musician, do what musicians do on MySpace: promote yourself, announce where you'll be playing, upload music, etc. If you meet women as you're going about this online extension of your life that's great. As in life, its important to not make picking up chicks or "scoring" your raison d'etre.

And definitely don't worry about something as silly as whether or not to "remove" some girl as a online "friend". I'd be dismissive of this if it was in one of the other forums, let alone a forum for those of us with some maturity. It's junior high stuff--like trying to figure out if you're going to hand out little valentines to all of the girls or just the special girls. Its the sort of triviality that should be beneath the level of concern of a mature man. Personally, I'd just leave her in your friend list. Or not. Whatever you do, its not a big deal so don't make it one.

 

[GtarPlayr73]

yeah, i'm likely to agree with you, profit. I'm not feeling my 34 year old self as i've been working Myspace and Facebook. I'm an introvert, so it doesn't feel natural for me to be "putting myself out there". It's a bit distracting and can keep you in AFC mode where you're looking for that external validation. And it is superficial and immature. I've just been putting up with it for the sake of meeting chicks...and there are plenty of women our age on both sites...

 

[GtarPlayr73]

I think you're onto the truth, DarthJuan. How can you effectively sarge the networking sites if your real-life game is not happening? And i don't see how hotties are gonna even bother tracking down men online WHILE they're wading through the dozens of hits guys send them. It's a losing proposition, as i am rapidly finding out. Vulpine really hit the nail on the head indeed. Myspace, facebook, etc are all weighted entirely in women's favor. It IS their answer to boredom while giving them their precious attention. Ha, the most successful products are always those that are geared toward meeting women's "needs". No wonder Myspace is such a hit "phenomenon"...

 

[profitASAP]

yeah, i'm likely to agree with you, profit. I'm not feeling my 34 year old self as i've been working Myspace and Facebook. I'm an introvert, so it doesn't feel natural for me to be "putting myself out there". It's a bit distracting and can keep you in AFC mode where you're looking for that external validation. And it is superficial and immature. I've just been putting up with it for the sake of meeting chicks...and there are plenty of women our age on both sites...

My advice would be to either just use it *exclusively* to promote your music or not do it at all. As I noted, its a metaphor for life--if your online activities are an extension of a well rounded "real" life you'll find yourself doing better with women than if you make picking up chicks your top priority. And don't worry yourself with such trivialities as who to add, not add or remove as a friend.

 

[Chrispy]

You know how some couples do PDA (public display)? I have some girls on my list who post smooching pics, and post stupid notes or what not. It's annoying. And it shows up in that news feed! I almost wanted to delete them all. But what for? It's just text. So are the pictures..just flat images that mean nothing. You know what does mean something? Living in the real life. To me, for every add those girls have to validate themselves, it just seems more empty to me.

In short, the very second you find anything about facebook annoying you:

- she didn't write back (oh boo hoo)
- she didn't reply
- she didn't respond
- too much information!

...you're getting too close to the pretend world of facebook. Believe me, i've been there at times.

People do hook up over there, but they must have the right mindset: maybe they had a childhood sweethart they lost touch with..or that they had many gals on their list and did not go nutz over one who ignored them.

Hope that helps. I'll be sure to read my own advice at times of weakness!

 

[squirrels]

The second you start taking MySpace and Facebook seriously, they own you.

They're a joke. Stop worrying about it, shut off your computer, and go play outside.

 

[Latinoman]

Guitarplayer73...

Listen...grab that guitar and perhaps a buddy that also play a guitar...go near a Border and play some music. Go to the park now that the weather is good...guitar on hand and a bunch of papers and pencil and work on composing something.

That, in my opinion, will expose you to women in a more positive way than sitting on your azz in front of a computer doing something that is no working at all.

Look in your area for bands looking for a guitar player...do some gigs.

Dude...you have a skill that tend to attract women. I know as my father and my cousin could play guitar (and sing). So does my baby brother.

You are 34...mid 30s should be the age we should know what we want as to prepare ourself for our second part of our life.

Don't waste it...these are prime years!

 

[Latinoman]

My point is...if you are terrible in face to face interaction...AND terrible with online interaction...then you should focus on your face to face interaction with people.

Do it by maximizing your skills and slowly work on improving other deficiencies. The logic here is that with music you are in your "zone" which is going to make you feel more in comfort. And it is better to work on your deficiencies when you are in an environment of less stress (although, for the more experience men...stress environment can help us think fast on our feet...but you are not there yet).