When to let gaurd down? if ever...

[Hyper2010]

Hya guys

Bit of a strange question here, I've been seeing someone now for around 4 months, and I've done my best to date this one differently than the other girls I've seen in the past. By this I mean, take things slow, be a challenge, exhibit ****y/funny behaviour, laugh about everything and it seems to be working very well. She's very interested, I would say does 75% of the contact, puts out on demand, cooks on demand and pretty much chases me which makes life easier.


However, the other night after a weighty drinking session, she told me she has reached a point where she "feels more than like"for me, which I interpret meaning that she is falling form and developing stronger feelings. She then followed by saying she didn't want to say anything lest she got hurt or disappointed.

I have been thinking about this over the weekend, and I am wondering whether I should let my gaurd Down, be more emotional etc or should I keep it up/increase challenge and let her keep chasing?

As much as I like the challenge aspect, I do not want to be an impossible challenge and play Too hard to Get

Any ideas as to how I should play this? Anything similar happened to any of you?

Regards, Jason

 

[Renegade357]

Congrats man, I'm in the same position as you and have been studying the same thing. I too found a good one and don't want to screw it up. I've always thought it was really easy to attract a girl for the first 3 dates or so but way much harder to keep her happy long term. Sadly most of the advice on here centers around those first few dates.

I've decided that the best thing to do is just keep them on a maintenance plan. Keep them serviced like a nice car.

You gotta keep up being a challenge by giving her space and time to miss you. Don't be emotional or needy around her. Don't talk about your negatives. Keep it light and funny. Make sure you continue to date her, take her on trips now and then. Respect, romance, affection. Don't talk about other women or look at other women around her. If she truly likes and is normal you she'll respond positively to those things and you'll keep her interest level high.

So far it's working for me.

 

[rhythmic]

Yup, keep being a challenge. This is the mistake I consistently make - decide I want out of the game, lock down someone really nice, and then screw it up by getting lazy.

1. Keep self-improving
2. Don't give her too easy a time. Don't make her cry, but keep her uncertain.
3. In response to the title... NEVER let your guard down.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

However, the other night after a weighty drinking session, she told me she has reached a point where she "feels more than like" for me, which I interpret meaning that she is falling form and developing stronger feelings. She then followed by saying she didn't want to say anything lest she got hurt or disappointed.

When she said this, she was basically telling you she loved you. She was also saying she doesn't want to say it unless she knows you're feeling the same way. This is a good place to get a girl to, as it makes it more likely that she will want to stay around longer.

And now, here's the trap...

I have been thinking about this over the weekend, and I am wondering whether I should let my gaurd Down, be more emotional etc or should I keep it up/increase challenge and let her keep chasing?

There's a saying - I think Doc Love said it - that I live by: "The same things that you did to catch her, are the same things you need to do to keep her."

In other words, once you start deviating from the things you're doing to keep her interested, she will LOSE interest.

I've been in this situation before. I dated a girl for 4 months, made her my girlfriend, all was going right with the world. At some point, she said "I love you" to me, and I just kissed her back and kept on doing what I was doing.

Then, one day, after having a collage of things go wrong (got locked out my house with no shoes on and couldn't get back in for hours) and her being by my side the whole time, I said "I love you" to her. She seemed kinda shocked, but happy that I said it.

That next month, though, things started to change a bit. Not that she was suddenly mean or anything, but she knew she had the upper-hand and started being a bit more nagging and unappreciative of my efforts. It wasn't until I said "screw this" and went NC for 2 weeks that she finally got her act back together. Things went much better the second time around, and I didn't say the "L" word to her anymore.

Here's where I figured out the mistake: women are SUPPOSED to be the ones that are verbal with their feelings; guys are supposed to show their love via their ACTIONS.

If you're doing the right things, the girl knows, on some level, that you care for her; however, it's not actually saying it that keeps your actual level of interest in her a mystery, which is why she's more likely to stay around longer if you don't say it. You can say things that indicate you care for her - i.e. "Thanks babe for giving me that back rub, you're the best" or "no one makes a plate of food like you do" - but never express it directly, unless it's your anniversary, wedding date, birthday or Valentine's day.

Hope this helps!

 

[seethehoop]

Personally, I go 70/30.

70% A hole/30% nice guy but even then the nice guy bit is on my terms.

Being an A hole though is about being a complete jerk its just about doing what you want for your own entertainment.

 

[perseverance]

I say f*ck the silly games and silly rules and do whatever feels natural to you. As long as you don't become a possessive, controlling nutcase, I'm sure you'll be fine and remember all relationships end at some point in life, nothing lasts forever, so why try and preserve something which cannot last?

If you want to tell the girl you have strong feelings for her, then do so, as long as you don't go OTT, you'll be fine.

Communication is a vital tool, just don't abuse it or cheapen it.

 

[Deep Dish]

It’s really a second unplugging for guys. The first shock of ‘unplugging’ comes in the actualizing that everything feminized society, everything any woman ever told him about the ‘appropriate’ way to engage with women is almost entirely the opposite of what produces the results he wants. Once he’s become so frustrated by his dating life that he experiments with un-conventional Game and discovers that Negs work, C&F works, Amused Mastery works, etc. there comes a point of disillusionment – and sometimes despair...

The Second Unplugging

The second unplugging comes when a Man is forced to come to this power dynamic realization again when entering into an LTR. Most guys who reinvent themselves and accept their masculine primacy role after having been subjected to an egalitarian gender equality doctrine for most of their lives feel strange in owning it in an LTR and/or marriage. It’s really put up or shut up time. Essentially you need to become the Man you sold yourself as when you were spinning plates. Guys who unplug and employ Game are initially mimicking the behaviors that used to be respected and attractive to women. Now they’re considered socially inappropriate or rude at best, borderline abusive at worst under feminine social auspices. Regardless, the results are undeniable.

In an LTR you have to actually be THAT guy, and for a formerly plugged-in AFC, the old mental schema of equality returns. Guilt sets in because he doesn’t feel deserving of the primacy he holds because he still hasn’t let go of that antiquated equalism he thought was valid for so long. He wants to play fair, but what he doesn’t realize is his concept of what is ‘fair’ is still rooted in his plugged-in mindset. It’s at this critical point that most LTRs destruct, because the guy reverts back to his old AFC mental habitus, or the girl settles into the comfort knowing she controls the frame and can dictate the terms of her intimacy as she sees fit.

http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2012/06/21/case-study-the-crazy/

No, never let your guard down. Raise yourself.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Don't be complacent, keep fit and set ground rules.
Reward good behaviour with your affection/attention, punish bad behaviour by withdrawing same.
Make sure she knows that you're not going to put up with any bullsht. She has to honestly believe you will walk out with 2 minutes' notice if she displeases you.

But you have to be the type of man who commands respect. If you raise yourself to be a high quality man, she should behave in the way you want in order to keep her hands on the prize.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

DISH already linked what I would've, but let me tell you, it doesn't get less complex, it only gets more so. By comparison, single-life Game is easy next to LTR-life Game, most guys think it's the other way around. There is no "letting your guard down" you have to become the Game, it has to be an internalized part of who you are now.

Don't wish it were easier, wish you were better.

 

[TheWolfMan]

Agree with most of the people on here, do not EVER let your gaurd down. Unless you put a ring on her finger. Trust me from experience, thought things were going well and finally got too comfortable and let my gaurd down and the b!tch ripped my heart out and stomped on it. Keep doing what you're doing, being indifferent and what not. Also you said you've been seeing her, but did you guys make it official? Maybe that's what she is getting at.

 

[Ethernal]

Agree with most of the people on here, do not EVER let your gaurd down. Unless you put a ring on her finger. Trust me from experience, thought things were going well and finally got too comfortable and let my gaurd down and the b!tch ripped my heart out and stomped on it. Keep doing what you're doing, being indifferent and what not. Also you said you've been seeing her, but did you guys make it official? Maybe that's what she is getting at.

Agree with this guy, but don't let that guard down, even when you put that finger on her.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Let your guard down just because she says she might more than like you?

Are you insane!? You are not even close to being able to let your guard down. As far as i'm concerned I must see a girl suffer and cry for me before I can even begin to consider a higher level of sincerity. I need to see sacrifices on her part. I need to see commitments that are not easily turned back on. I need to hear her say she only want's me forever. Not "um I may more than like you dude"

 

[perseverance]

Agree with this guy, but don't let that guard down, even when you put that finger on her.

You don't want to become a soppy sew and sew, but at the sametime you don't want to become an emotionless person either. The occasional gesture of fondness or kindness for your woman is not going to kill her attraction towards you. You need a happy medium, you don't want or need to sit either side of that important middle ground.

 

[perseverance]

I need to hear her say she only want's me forever. Not "um I may more than like you dude"

I thought actions were important than words?

 

[Alvafe]

ok trying to understand that all I read some of you never say the L word, but I mean never? can't you be like toss it sometimes around? I never really said that word to anyone (yeah not even my mom) but I was thinking it would be more natural when you feel like it.

 

[perseverance]

ok trying to understand that all I read some of you never say the L word, but I mean never? can't you be like toss it sometimes around? I never really said that word to anyone (yeah not even my mom) but I was thinking it would be more natural when you feel like it.

You can say it, you just have to be sensible with it. Some people go over the board with their emotions and remember the more you say something the less effect it will have, it becomes just another sentence, one of many. What you don't want to do is become emotionless and not say anything because as my friend found out that can drive a woman away too.

The key to enjoying a fulfilling and rewarding life is moderation. Moderation is your key in my eyes.

 

[SgtSplacker]

I thought actions were important than words?

Very true, they are. I wrote that in context of her saying she was feeling something more. But yeah, you want that level of commitment from her before you start feeling comfy with the relationship. Now that I think of it, this kinda goes along with this theory of suffering/sacrifice I have with relationships... let me explain.

People love ritual, actions that go with intention or ideas. Example1: if you just meet a girl at a bar. Everything is perfect, you eventually make her your girl yadda yadda yadda. Example2: You meet a girl with a man, or overseas, or something. Sacrifices have to be made to be together, things are difficult, the breakup in the case of a woman with a man or one person moving closer to the other. These more difficult relationships like in example2 where sacrifices have been made are much stronger than a similar relationship where sacrifice/problems have not been present. Why? because she has idolized you, she has given you thought, you have been the object of desire she has decided she wants. You have become a prize she has to fight to have. This does not exist in example1. An example1 relationship she can easily say "this is not working out" and thats that. She is not vested. In example2 you just don't make sacrifices like that and just decide "this sucks" and jet without a second thought.

If you have an easy relationship (example1) you can never let your guard down. If you have a relationship based on sacrifice (example2), she can come home to you jerking off or banging another woman and you will still stay together.

Either introduce adversity to your relationship or keep your game on tight!

 

[Hyper2010]

Cheers for the advice guys

Youve given me some gold there

I think the general theme is to NEVER let the gaurd down

As Doc Love himself said

"The same things that you did to catch her, are the same things you need to do to keep her."

Slip up, become weak, go soft and she will walk

Jason

 

[GADavid]

Never. Marriage doesn't mean anything, look at divorce rates. I've learnt my lesson about letting someone too close. Note, I didn't say "letting someone too close too soon" either. Someone might say they are yours forever, but they only mean it at that moment. Humans bore easily and naturally want what they can't have. Don't ever let a woman have you entirely or you will learn life's nastiest lesson.

 

[Cremasta]

Just because you tell a girl that you like/love her, doesn't automatically mean you're handing over your balls.

It's just a word and it makes her feel good.
The important thing is that you don't change anything that you're currently doing. Because what you're doing now is what's attractive to her.

The only difference now really is that when she leaves, you'll say "Love you, goodnight" instead of "See you tomorrow, goodnight".