When to let friendships go

[Dreesy]

Growing Up Woes

I'm sure this has happened to everyone in their early to mid twenties - your group of friends slowly starts to drift apart, with people chasing careers, getting married, and having babies.

I suppose some people might call it "the circle of life" or maybe even "the American dream" (LOL), but I call it a "Cookie-cutter lifestyle".

For some reason I just can't accept that prepackaged lifestyle. Get a job, work your 9 to 5, get a wife, a house with a white picket fence, have some kids, and call it a life. I just can't do it. Especially not in my early 20s.

Some of my friends from high school, who are in the 24-27 (I'm 25) range all talk about "settling down" and all that jazz, but what I'm wondering is, how much life have these people actually experienced to be settling down from anything? Most people are bound by school for the first 22 or so years of their life, so what exactly are they settling down from? You're just getting started.

I guess the question comes down to "what do you do when all your friends are doing the family thing, and you don't want to go down that road"?

It's getting to the point where I can't even invite them to hangout or get dinner without their fiance or wife tagging along.

 

[LorenzoVonM]

Well, that is happening to me right now so I simply went out and started making new friends. That's really all there is to it. Don't know where you live but this is definitely easier in places where there are more people. I didn't dump the old friends, I just don't see them as often. You will change many times throughout your life, nothing is permanent. Just try to go with the flow.

 

[DAardwolf]

Growing Up Woes
It's getting to the point where I can't even invite them to hangout or get dinner without their fiance or wife tagging along.

Nothing is a bigger kill-buzz than a significant other tagging along.

I would say you're the one doing things right and I hope you stick with your gut on this one. The "cookie cutter" lifestyle is a sure way to slowly kill your spirit and passion.

That being said, a lot of your buddies will intensely focus on wife, kids, and career but many will come around. It'll take years but you'll get an unexpected call from a friend who has 1.5 kids and a white picket fence and wants to hang out sans wifey. For these poor souls the single buddy is the only refuge.

Let them drift away but check in every few months. As Lorenzo pointed out, he "didn't dump the old friends, I just don't see them as often."

In the mean time you'll find a crew who is like-minded and much more fun.

 

[PlayHer Man]

Letting the behavior of your friends guide your decisions in life is beta.

Always do what you want to do.. with or without supporters. The majority of humanity is average and thus makes average decisions. If you want to be average and beta.. then follow the crowd. Otherwise, do your own thing.

As long as you're being true to your own values.. you'll naturally make like-minded friends. Do you really want friends you have nothing in common with just to have "friends"? :crackup:

I'd rather have no friends than friends I have to be fake to keep.

 

[Warrior74]

My friends from college are scattered across the country/planet. Most have the standard middle class life. I'm the poorest of them, the single one and the only one that is entrepreneurial. We no longer have anything in common but the past. I talk to them when I can. Mainly on facebook or Skype or cell.

I find myself hanging out in two distinct crowds these days. The chamber of commerce Buisness crowd and the older pool hustler/local rock band crowd. Neither of which provides real friendship. One is to advance my business the other is for entertainment.
In both crowds there are dangers, biz rivals who pose as friends to learn your tactics and steal your clients. Hustlers and groupies who try to beat you for money or use you. Still I have met one or two guys in each of these crowds who share similar mind sets and who I will hangout with out side of our mutual setting.

I know most of the people I am around are wolves. And I'm aware I'm a wolf. I find it hard to hang with sheep. The thing is, I spent my whole life trying to be a sheep because that's how I was raised.

TLDR summary. I stay in touch with old friends, I mingle with people who share my interest and consider one or two of them friends.

TLDR = too long, didn't read

 

[Atom Smasher]

Moved to general discussion. OP, you need to put your age in your profile to post in MM.