Recently struggling with a LTR that has declined in sexual attraction over the last month. It has been a period of time in which her career has changed and she is under a lot of stress. We have had a few arguments and backlashes recently that has caused some resentment to each other. She recently told me that she isn't sexually attracted to "the relationship that we have" but not necessarily me in general. I believe that the two are indistinguishable. What I am trying to figure out is at what point do you call the relationship; when is there too little attraction to continue on? I am at odds with whether it is possible to build it back up, or move forward. I am open to brutal honesty and criticism as I understand that I need help and am looking for self improvement.
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
When to end a relationship
- Thread starter iknowball
- Start date
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
Thank you for responding. I didn't want to make it a textbook.
Been together 1 year. We are both 26yo. By her own accord she is a bit of a serial dater (claims not necessarily sexual - but I have not followed up), but has been in two LTR relationships in the past; 3 years ago for 3 years, and 1.5 years ago for 8 months. I have been in a three 8+ month relationships. We have were consistently good up until a few months ago where we started to have the occasional argument. Things have been hectic in the last two months as her career path has changed (along with massive student loans) and she is just now starting a new job. We live 45 minutes away from each other and see each other 1-2 / week - but recently our encounters have been somewhat resent oriented. I have a few career moves on the go so that may play into it. Recently argued over her being drunkingly overly flirty with another guy. I didn't make a scene but privately told her that I did not appreciate it. She claimed that she didnt' do anything wrong and that's her personality (which frankly is true).
Have not been sexual in 3 weeks and my frustration is growing. I know that I have beta backslid but am unsure if it's just to far gone now. Any more info needed?
Been together 1 year. We are both 26yo. By her own accord she is a bit of a serial dater (claims not necessarily sexual - but I have not followed up), but has been in two LTR relationships in the past; 3 years ago for 3 years, and 1.5 years ago for 8 months. I have been in a three 8+ month relationships. We have were consistently good up until a few months ago where we started to have the occasional argument. Things have been hectic in the last two months as her career path has changed (along with massive student loans) and she is just now starting a new job. We live 45 minutes away from each other and see each other 1-2 / week - but recently our encounters have been somewhat resent oriented. I have a few career moves on the go so that may play into it. Recently argued over her being drunkingly overly flirty with another guy. I didn't make a scene but privately told her that I did not appreciate it. She claimed that she didnt' do anything wrong and that's her personality (which frankly is true).
Have not been sexual in 3 weeks and my frustration is growing. I know that I have beta backslid but am unsure if it's just to far gone now. Any more info needed?
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Mr.Positive
Master Don Juan
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She's flirting with other guys, yet you have not banged her in 3 weeks.iknowball said:
Cut this one loose, that's my opinion. Just let your focus naturally swing towards other gals, gals you can and want to bang. It all works out.
MOTU
Master Don Juan
^^^This. Repped.^^^jimmy18 said:
When a chick, or your situation with the chick, begins to lessen your happiness or quality of life, time to take a good hard look at the relationship.
Now I am not advocating being a fair weather friend or boyfriend, but I am saying you need to be aware of the drain, understand why it is happening and set some boundaries around it. If not, it will slowly creep in size and severity and eventually drain the life out of you completely.
The corollary of this statement is that you shouldn't GET INTO a relationship (or pursue girls) unless you are happy.jimmy18 said:
Otherwise, you are likely to rationalize away her inevitable bad behavior instead of walking away like you should, causing her to lose respect for you.
Colossus
Master Don Juan
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Agree with the others, your relationship has run it's course.
I stayed in a horrible LTR for far too long because I kept clinging to the good times and thought if we could just "work out" the root of our fighting we would be happy. Well, the root of our fighting was that 1) SHE SUCKED as a human being, and 2) we were fundamentally incompatible on many levels.
Guess how many fights I've had with my now fiance? Zero. That's not to be boastful, or imply we will never have a disagreement (we have), but the point is our baseline is peace and understanding. She is a higher-quality female and a better fit for me as a man. You'll know when you find one like her.
I stayed in a horrible LTR for far too long because I kept clinging to the good times and thought if we could just "work out" the root of our fighting we would be happy. Well, the root of our fighting was that 1) SHE SUCKED as a human being, and 2) we were fundamentally incompatible on many levels.
Guess how many fights I've had with my now fiance? Zero. That's not to be boastful, or imply we will never have a disagreement (we have), but the point is our baseline is peace and understanding. She is a higher-quality female and a better fit for me as a man. You'll know when you find one like her.