When to call after the first date

[mahon83050]

When is the best time to call after a you just had a first date? The next day, two days, four days? I know this is probably in the bible, but I could not find it. Thanks

 

[Big Pappy]

Why is youth wasted on the youth?

Ok.....

There is no "set" time. You can call her whenever you wish.

For optimum results, i.e.: if you are a genuinely busy person, you call her with a plan of action, giving her enough notice so that she can find a sitter if neccessary, do some chores for her parents if applicable, get some schoolwork done if applicable, etc.

(I am assuming that you're calling her for the next date - why else would you call?)

I am dating a chick who seems a half foot taller than me 'cause she wears three inch heels. She is on the road a great deal. I call her 5 or 6 days in advance because that is how much time she needs to find a clear slot. She's not waiting by the phone for my 5'10" short self, either. (She's 6'3" with her damn heels!)

My little, cute short sweetie, only 5'2" only needs 3 days notice, so she can find a sitter.

My bartender friend with the bratty kid only makes rendezvous' after work and some early dinners. She needs only 2 days.

Call any girl whenever it's convenient for you. The busier she is, the more heads up time she'll need for the next date.

 

[Eileen]

Depends on chemistry too.

If my IL is high a bloke can call me from his cell two seconds after dropping me off and I'll think it's sweet and cute. If my IL isn't high, calling the next day will seem desperate. Though by day three I'll be wondering why he didn't call.

A mistake many men make is waiting too long to call. Not calling for a day or two seems to increase my interest but it falls off more rapidly than it's built if he takes too long. By day four my IL had better have been astronomical or you’ll probably get the brush off.

 

[mahon83050]

Originally posted by Eileen
Depends on chemistry too.

If my IL is high a bloke can call me from his cell two seconds after dropping me off and I'll think it's sweet and cute. If my IL isn't high, calling the next day will seem desperate. Though by day three I'll be wondering why he didn't call.

A mistake many men make is waiting too long to call. Not calling for a day or two seems to increase my interest but it falls off more rapidly than it's built if he takes too long. By day four my IL had better have been astronomical or you’ll probably get the brush off.

Yea, that makes sense to me. I think this girls interest level is only slightly above 50% so I will not call the next day. Bloke? I take it you are from Anglo-Saxon land?

 

[becker]

Originally posted by Eileen
Depends on chemistry too.

If my IL is high a bloke can call me from his cell two seconds after dropping me off and I'll think it's sweet and cute. If my IL isn't high, calling the next day will seem desperate. Though by day three I'll be wondering why he didn't call.

A mistake many men make is waiting too long to call. Not calling for a day or two seems to increase my interest but it falls off more rapidly than it's built if he takes too long. By day four my IL had better have been astronomical or you’ll probably get the brush off.

Eileen, see, here's where I think that it's more about what he does when he calls the next day that makes it seem desperate rather than the fact that he calls the next day. I personally don't even think that deep into it myself, but I guess that's just female overanalysis at work.

The way I see it is, either way, a phone call won't do anything for IL. It's more about whether she was interested in you in the first place. For me, if she wasn't that interested, the sooner I know the better so I can move on. I'd rather not wait 3 days to find out what I can find out the next day.

 

[Eileen]

That could be Becker.

For reference, I had ZERO interest in my current after our first date. It wasn't a bad date, but I felt no chemistry. I had planed to let him down easy if he called the next day. He let me stew for three and I found myself agreeable to a second date when he finally rang me up. Our second date was epic.

I don't think he thought about or planned it that way. It's just how events turned.

And female over analysis! Well, I NEVER deny that we occasionally do suffer from that.

(And I was raised in South Africa. Can no one tell the difference?)

 

[Survivor]

What I generally advise guys to do depends heavily on their own level of self-control.

If he's an "AFC" and reeks of desperation by the mere mention of the girl's name, then maybe its best for him to follow the 3-day rule in order to give him some time to snap out of his infactuation.

A more advanced "DJ" calls whenever he wants because he understands that interest levels cannot be raised over electronic communication devices, only lowered.

 

[becker]

Originally posted by Eileen
That could be Becker.

For reference, I had ZERO interest in my current after our first date. It wasn't a bad date, but I felt no chemistry. I had planed to let him down easy if he called the next day. He let me stew for three and I found myself agreeable to a second date when he finally rang me up. Our second date was epic.

I don't think he thought about or planned it that way. It's just how events turned.

And female over analysis! Well, I NEVER deny that we occasionally do suffer from that.

(And I was raised in South Africa. Can no one tell the difference?)

Eileen - see, this girl that I've been pursuing went out with me and I can't say we had unbelievable chemistry on the first "date" (it was actually just lunch, which to me doesn't count as a date) and I felt we weren't super-compatible, except for physical attraction. I believe both of us were somewhat attracted to each other physically. Not that we didn't have any rapport, because we talked the entire time, but the problem is that I probably came off more mellow than I normally am because this girl is sort of depressing sometimes. She has so much crap going on.

Anyways, before I get off the point, I'm sort of feeling that she's trying to let me off easy as well, and although she agreed to go out with me again, I sort of got stood up (hopefully with good a legit reason). Who knows, but what do women like you think when you try to let a guy down easy? Why not just let him off hard? Just straight up reject him. I know it's more confrontational I guess, and girls tend to not like that confrontation all the time. Only the most aggressive ones don't mind it, and those are also the ones that probably don't get a ton of dates either because being all stuck up is definitely a turn-off for most.

 

[Eileen]

It's so hard to say Becker. We are all so different.

When I let a man down easy I tell him straight up that I'm not interested in perusing romance with him. The easy part is that I don't call him a wanker in the process. “I had fun but I don't see this working out” seems direct enough to me. (If I'm mistaken, please let me know.)

I've looked at a few of your posts about this HB10. I think YOUR interest level isn't all that high. She's nothing compared to the old flame. You can't tell if she's got any interest in you. I doesn't bode well I'm afraid.

Of course, I’m a complete hypocrite. I had similar feelings on my first date with my current man. I thought he was boring and self-centered. Turns out, he was just having a bad day and had thought about postponing. And probably would have had he not run short of time and felt worse about standing-up than showing and trying to make a go of it. Which is an entirely different subject – should you go on a date if you’re not really feeling up to it or should you postpone at the last second. I digress.

But my personal thoughts, after having over analyzed your particular situation, are that the attraction here for you is just her looks. Whether or not that’s all right, meaning that I know sometimes we aren’t looking for anything more than a few dates or perhaps a roll in the sac, is up to you. I get the feeling though, that you’re looking for something deeper and I really don’t think you’re going to get it from this one.

 

[becker]

Eileen, pretty accurate there, and I have to say, she's nothing compared to my old one-itis, who still has never been beaten by any girl. She's engaged now though, so that's totally history. If I can find anyone like her, I'd be lucky and I'd marry the girl immediately, no question.

As for this girl, yes, the attraction is primarily physical, and I'm certainly not infatuated with her. I just love looking at her . But that is sort of a feeling that I have without really knowing her that well, so to be fair, I was hoping to actually get to know her a little more. That plan was shot down this weekend. I'll find out the truth tomorrow.

When I'm with this girl, I guess the feeling is that of having a "trophy" GF, and it's more show and tell than any substance, so it's easy to not get too attached. I love the attention I get though when I'm with her, which means that we'll be great friends at least. Any more than that, I can't really say.

To be honest, I don't know if she even wants to be good friends with me. To me, there are 2 possible ways of seeing this. First, she may see my suggestions to spend a day together as me asking her for a date. I didn't really intend a "date" per se, I just wanted more free time to spend with her so that I could get to know more about her, but if she wasn't that interested, then she'll probably flake on me. Second, maybe she's actually more interested, but just is being cautious about getting too emotionally involved because she has gotten hurt before and it's the whole defense mechanism thing.

I always wonder whether girls like this are even looking for anything long term. I think deep inside they do, but on the surface, they just want to have fun. Who knows.