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If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

When to Call...a Study!

Wyldfire

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Okay guys, I think this is a really important topic. I can't speak for other women, but if I gave a guy my number on a Saturday night, if I didn't hear from him by Monday night I would begin to lose interest. I admittedly have a very short attention span, so my feelings about this might not be consistent with other women. Now, if a guy got my number on a Saturday night and didn't call me until after Wednesday, I would likely be put off that he didn't call earlier and decline if he were to ask me out. I have no idea if this is an attitude a lot of women also have or not, so here's my idea...

When someone gets a number and calls for the first time, I'd like you to post how long you waited to call, and whether or not the girl agreed to go out on a date or if she gave an excuse. If everyone takes part, this data can be used to see if it suggests any difference of success level based on how many days you wait to call. I don't know if this will "prove" anything or not, but I think it's worth a shot.
 

penkitten

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most guys seem to either call right away or wait 3 days....
i assume no call no interest.less calls less interest.
what am i missing?
 

Poosy Marauder

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Originally posted by Wyldfire:
Okay guys, I think this is a really important topic. I can't speak for other women, but if I gave a guy my number on a Saturday night, if I didn't hear from him by Monday night I would begin to lose interest. I admittedly have a very short attention span, so my feelings about this might not be consistent with other women. Now, if a guy got my number on a Saturday night and didn't call me until after Wednesday, I would likely be put off that he didn't call earlier and decline if he were to ask me out. I have no idea if this is an attitude a lot of women also have or not, so here's my idea...

When someone gets a number and calls for the first time, I'd like you to post how long you waited to call, and whether or not the girl agreed to go out on a date or if she gave an excuse. If everyone takes part, this data can be used to see if it suggests any difference of success level based on how many days you wait to call. I don't know if this will "prove" anything or not, but I think it's worth a shot.
So if Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, (insert your hottest male actor here) was given your number on a Saturday but waited until Thursday to call you would be saying "Sorry Brad, Tom, etc I have to wash my hair that night" That's BS and you know it.

The quickest way guys can turn off a woman is by demonstrating that his interest level in her is higher than her is in him. If it's obvious that this is the case, the woman says "hmmm, maybe I can do better after all" and before he knows it the poor guy is getting hit with the LJBF routine.

I've ALWAYS waited 2 to 4 days to call and I've never been brushed off for leaving it too long.
 

Take No Dirt

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Wyldfire, I've started off by waiting 4 days to phone the gal and discovered that some of them forgot who I was and then I changed it to 2 days and that seemed to work well for me. (Not the next day because that might be construed as a dude with no life.)
 

Jake Steed

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Again, Poosy Marauder hits the nail on the head.

"I've ALWAYS waited 2 to 4 days to call and I've never been brushed off for leaving it too long."

Ditto. I wait at least 4 days to call. If she didn't seem totally enthusiastic towards me upon getting the number, I wait longer.

It has always worked for me. I've asked my DJ friends who get tail and it has always worked for them too.

It's funny how nearly ALL women deny this and say it doesn't work on them; that they just move on out of annoyance, but it works on every girl I've waited to call. Every one.

Someone's in denial. Hmmm...I wonder who it could be?

I guess every woman wants to believe THEY are unique and wouldn't fall for something like that.

Jake
 

tweeder

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If the girl really likes you then she'll still go out with you even if it is a few days later. It's that simple. I got a number awhile back, and I waited 5 days to call. I asked her out, she accepted, and we had a great time. AT the end of the date she told me she has NEVER called a guy before. She always makes them call her. She wanted me to know ahead of time.

Now it gets funny. I called her a few days later, and told her maybe we could get together that weekend. I said I'd call her back when I knew for sure. Later that week I made plans with some friends instead, and I didn't call. Well guess who was on the caller ID. LOL. We dated for awhile, and she used to say she didn't like calling me. However, when it came down to it she would always call if she hadn't heard from me in awhile. So if her IL is high enough, not calling for awhile will make her think about you even more.
 

Wyldfire

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n
Originally posted by Poosy Marauder:
So if Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, (insert your hottest male actor here) was given your number on a Saturday but waited until Thursday to call you would be saying "Sorry Brad, Tom, etc I have to wash my hair that night" That's BS and you know it.

The quickest way guys can turn off a woman is by demonstrating that his interest level in her is higher than her is in him. If it's obvious that this is the case, the woman says "hmmm, maybe I can do better after all" and before he knows it the poor guy is getting hit with the LJBF routine.

I've ALWAYS waited 2 to 4 days to call and I've never been brushed off for leaving it too long.

For either of those guys, yeah...I'd be washing my hair. I don't find either one of them appealing. The only famous person who might be able to get away with that would be Jean Claude Van Damme...and that's only cuz he can do the splits. Status, money and power have no bearing on my choice in men. I doubt you'll buy that, but in the case of this woman, it's true. I don't care who it is, if the guy disrespects me he's not for me. Waiting a week to call isn't always going to be disrespect, but if I'm already seeing the guy and he behaves that way, he's history. If it's the first call and he acted interested when I gave him my number and he waited that long to call I would think he was a player only looking for a piece of tail and I wouldn't bother with him. But like I said, I don't know how I compare to other women in this regard.
 

Dr_Feelgood

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Wyldfire, I disagree. I know almost all women I've called a day or two after getting the number, seemed less interested and dumped me not long after. Granted, I may have done other things to have lost their interest, but I know now from experience that calling too soon was a turnoff. I've seen my friends make this same mistake. Girls who were initially interested, got put off by a guy who seemed too interested and too available.

Contrast this to waiting at least 4 days, like I now do. The past few girls I've dated all reacted the same, when I waited at least 4 or 5 days to call. They were clearly more interested in seeing me. It was like they were just waiting for me to call. I know when you meet a great guy, you hate sitting by the phone waiting for him to call, but you do anyway. I was compared to certain movie stars by a few girls, and even told by friends that I should consider modeling. So, I see the point that Poosy Marauder is making. (Besides, Jean Claude is a chump. I can do the splits, and so can many other martial artists.) I guess my looks give me an edge, but it just proves that if a woman is truly interested, she'll only gain interest if the guy waits to call. Obviously there is a limit to every woman's patience. But, you know how you would really respond to Prince Charming waiting longer to call you, instead of appearing desperate by calling in a day or two.

Take the girl I'm currently seeing as an example. I waited 7 days after getting her # to call her. That's right - SEVEN. At first, I thought, "Wow, she's so hot. She'll never put up with me waiting that long to call. Other guys will be calling her, and I'll miss out." But, I took my chances. Guess what happened? She was so glad to hear from me, I could tell she couldn't wait to see me. On our first date, she showed more interest than any other girl I've ever gone out with. We both had a great time. So, what did I do then? I waited another five days to call. Again, she is obviously interested and said she can't wait to see me again. Tommorrow night is our second date. Her interest seems to be growing every day. But, I only called her twice, and I didn't talk long on the phone. I save the conversation for our dates.

Is this girl one in a million? Someone who will put up with my crap just because I'm good looking, or she can't find anyone else? I don't think so. Although, I'm not a stickler for rules anymore, I think a guy has to be aware of when it's too soon to call, rather than when it's too late. Most guys err in the direction of calling too soon. I think my own experience, and the experiences of my friends proves me right. I seriously doubt any experienced DJs on this board will disagree with me unless they're from a different planet.

Ultimately, you have to go with your gut feeling. However, you have to have a bit of an understanding of how these things work, first. Then, you'll know when to call her, without adhering to strict rules. Wylfire, I believe, that if you honestly think of how you feel, you'll agree with most of us on this matter. If not, you're truly rare. I know most girls deny this fact, because they hate playing the games. And, I agree with one of your earlier posts, that if a girl is acting strangely, she's giving you a taste of your own medicine. But, I don't think that applies here.

In conclusion:
Think of a guy who looks really good. (Whomever your favorite guy is) Imagine him approaching you. He's charming, smart, and appears to be everything you could want in a guy. After about a half an hour to an hour of the most witty bantering and great conversation you've ever had with a guy, he asks for your phone #. By this point, you're crazy about him. He's had you laughing and even swooning. He's swept you off your feet like no man ever has. Perhaps you've even done a little fantasizing about him. So, of course you give your # to this man of your dreams. But, he doesn't call you for 9 days. (Maybe he had a good reason, but didn't want to tell you. After all, you just met) Would you honestly reject him, and refuse to go out with him? Would you forget who he was? I seriously doubt any woman would.

If I'm wrong, we might as well disband this board, because that would prove there are no guidlines. There is no good advice. Nice guys and chumps are as likely to succeed as great guys and jerks. We might as well all leave this board, because we're all wasting our time. I don't believe that's the case.

[This message has been edited by Dr_Feelgood (edited 11-16-2001).]
 

Wyldfire

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The first thing you should understand is that my worst personality flaw is my incredible impatience. Secondly, I have no ability to tolerate disrespect. Thirdly, my major pet peeve is having my valuable time wasted. And finally, I have zero tolerance for games. If I am thinking about leaving someone I will come right out and say that I am, and why. I'll be very specific about where I feel the problem is and try to work with the guy to find a solution. I say what I mean and mean what I say. Sure, if I really like the guy I will be waiting for him to call. This is about how it would play out...Day 1...excited about the guy and really anticipating the call. Day 2...disappointed the call still hasn't come, thinking he was probably just really busy and couldn't call, still anticipating the call. Day 3...okay, if he's interested he'll definitely call today. He can't be so busy for 3 days straight that he can't take a few minutes to make a call, beginning to get a bit annoyed and frustrated. Day 4...WTF is this guy's story? He seemed to really like me too. He seemed so nice, but leaving me hanging like this is so damn rude. He probably does this to every woman he talks to. What a waste of my damn time. Very annoyed. Day 5...Screw this M F-er and the horse he rode in on. He wasn't THAT great a guy. What a c*cky SOB...who need's someone so damn rude and inconsiderate, NOT me! I liked so and so better anyhow and he was way better looking. Losing interest fast. Day 6...not even waiting for the call anymore. Day 7, 8 and 9...forgot all about the guy by now and the memory of that fun conversation has already been overshadowed by extreme annoyance and disgust. Interest is lost. Phone rings on Day 9...HIM:Is "Wyldfire" there? ME: speaking. HIM: Hey, this is "Joe". ME: Joe who? HIM: Ya know, from the club...we had a lot of fun kidding around all night? ME: oh. I think I remember you, but I'm not sure, it was so long ago I honestly don't recall. HIM: I was wondering if you're doing anything Saturday night. ME: Yeah, actually I am. HIM: Oh yeah, what? ME: I have a date with this awesome guy who asked me out a week ago.

If the guy had told me that he wouldn't be calling for at least a week, I would be fine with waiting 9 days. If he gets my number and waits that long to call me I will assume that he called me after being turned down by other women. I will assume that I was not his first choice. If I'm not his first choice, I don't want him. For ME, the guys should call me on the second day after getting my number, the third day at the latest. It could very well be because of my impatience, pet peeve and what ticks me off that makes me feel so strongly about this particular issue. That's why I was asking for you guys to post when you make the first call. I was hoping that rather than post past experiences that people would post actual specific calls they are making right now. Obviously if it works for you to wait 4 days, then wait four days. I just know that won't fly with me personally.
 

Poosy Marauder

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Originally posted by Wyldfire:
n Status, money and power have no bearing on my choice in men. I doubt you'll buy that, but in the case of this woman, it's true.
Yeah you're right I don't buy it.

Anyway, I believe the whole "waiting a few days to call" theory can be reduced to this.

People never value what comes to them easily or on a plate. Yes, you might be pissed if he hasn't phoned after a few days but then when the call does come through you value it (and the guy)even more.

Humans ONLY attach value to the things that have caused us some PAIN:

It might be financial pain - we value a house we have spent our life savings on.

It might be physical pain - the marathon runner or the body builder values the body he has laboured for.

Or it migh be emotional pain - people (and especially women) only value relationships that have been a struggle to achieve. If a guy proves "easy" for them, they think they have sold themselves short. If it takes a little pain and heartache to win the guy, they will worship him because he represents a trophy to their efforts.

"Watch what women do, not what the say" - sage advice.


[This message has been edited by Poosy Marauder (edited 11-17-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Poosy Marauder (edited 11-17-2001).]
 

Wyldfire

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Originally posted by Poosy Marauder:
Yeah you're right I don't buy it.

Anyway, I believe the whole "waiting a few days to call" theory can be reduced to this.

People never value what comes to them easily or on a plate. Yes, you might be pissed if he hasn't phoned after a few days but then when the call does come through you value it (and the guy)even more.

Humans ONLY attach value to the things that have caused us some PAIN:

It might be financial pain - we value a house we have spent our life savings on.

It might be physical pain - the marathon runner or the body builder values the body he has laboured for.

Or it migh be emotional pain - people (and especially women) only value relationships that have been a struggle to achieve. If a guy proves "easy" for them, they think they have sold themselves short. If it takes a little pain and heartache to win the guy, they will worship him because he represents a trophy to their efforts.

"Watch what women do, not what the say" - sage advice.


[This message has been edited by Poosy Marauder (edited 11-17-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Poosy Marauder (edited 11-17-2001).]
Oh if you only knew! lol

Okay, let's look at what I have done regarding past relationships.

1) Got married at 18 years old to the first man I slept with. Tremendous pressure from my family to marry the guy. I had no real experience with relationships. Was in love with the idea of being in love but had no real concept of what that was. The man was in the Navy...and was being transferred soon. It was "now or never"...I was stupid, naive and young and married him. Right off the bat he insisted on starting a family. I got pregnant and he then started blatantly showing his true colors. The next 10 years consisted of a lost pregnancy due to getting the slobbering snots kicked out of me, being beaten, raped, dragged all over the continental US, isolated from family, damn near killed on a few occassions, the list could go on and on. During that decade of hell I learned quite clearly what love was NOT, and what I didn't want in a relationship. I stayed WAY too long, but I obviously needed something I was getting in that volatile situation. Likely it was wisdom and strength of character.

2) I met an amazing man who taught me what love really was. This was the kind of relationship where you love the person more with every breath you take. You LIVE to love that person. When you are with them you can't help but smile because it all comes so naturally and feels so wonderful. It's that "Big Love" we all hear about but so few of us ever get to experience. You feel it rushing through your veins and you would do anything to keep that person safe and free of pain, and they would do the same for you...neither one ever having to give it a second thought. You spend 5 years together, and not once calling each other a name, fighting or hurting each other with words. You disagree, but you value each other too much to let this divide you. Each of you offers to compromise without having to give each other reasons. No one needs to be "right" and no one EVER feels "wrong". When people see you together THEY have to smile because you look so incredibly happy all the time, and your happiness lights up any room you are in toghether. You don't feel the need to compete with each other over anything...no one needs to have the upper hand. It's understood that you are a team, and both always have the best interest of that team in mind in all the do at all times. You NEVER take each other for granted, and you always notice the little things and appreciate each other as if it were your last moment together. That is what my second relationship looked like. Had this man not been killed, he would be my husband.

3) A good guy who was just too unavailable. He hurt my feelings because of this behavior and I dumped him.

4) A guy with a secret...he had gotten married and had a pregnant wife. He was good to me when he was around, but didn't come clean about his secret until I already had feelings for him. He said he would leave his wife because he wanted to be with me. I gave him 30 days to do it. He didn't so I dumped him.


The love of my life was in prison for most of the time we were together. That's where he was when I met him. No, I don't go man hunting in prisons. I met his kids, adored them and they needed a ride to see him and asked me to take them. For 4 years I went without sex because I loved this man so much. I never cheated on him or even considered it. He didn't have a pot to piss in. I supported him. I supported his children because their mother had died while he was in prison. I trotted all over my state to visits and never missed a single one. I even hit a deer and wrecked my car pretty badly on the way to visit once. It would still run, though. Know what...I STILL drove another 150 miles that day to get to that visit and back home. I packed up and moved to be close to where he was housed. I did that so I could go to three AA meetings a week with him AND go to visits on both Satudays and Sundays. While he was in prison a Psychologist who drove a nice Jaguar chased after me relentlessly for 8 straight months. This guy was chased by women who would do almost anything to get close to him. He was gorgeous. I didn't give him the time of day.

So, status, money, image, etc, etc, has absolutely NO bearing on my choices in men.

Admittedly, it does with most women, I'll grant you that. But with me, it doesn't.
 

Gipper

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Wyldfire, I think you are a little off on this one. Based on my experiences, calling too soon is the kiss of death.

Everyone has already given great explanations of why this is so, so I won't elaborate. I always wait 3-4 days unless she mentions some kind of weird scheduling problem.

I think you are just unique; most women are a lot different from you. It's all good.

Jean Claude Van Damme? Geez, your stock just plummeted on that one! j/k

Gipper
 

Ko-B

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Originally posted by Poosy Marauder:
So if Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, (insert your hottest male actor here) was given your number on a Saturday but waited until Thursday to call you would be saying "Sorry Brad, Tom, etc I have to wash my hair that night" That's BS and you know it.
It's not a justified comparison though, since not all of us are Brad Pitts and Tom Cruises.

There is no textbook rules...so learn to adjust your style to fit yourself.
 

Wyldfire

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Originally posted by Gipper:
Wyldfire, I think you are a little off on this one. Based on my experiences, calling too soon is the kiss of death.

Everyone has already given great explanations of why this is so, so I won't elaborate. I always wait 3-4 days unless she mentions some kind of weird scheduling problem.

I think you are just unique; most women are a lot different from you. It's all good.

Jean Claude Van Damme? Geez, your stock just plummeted on that one! j/k

Gipper
I know that I'm anything but typical, which is why I try to make a point of saying that I can only speak for myself, or what works for me might not work on others. I guess what it all boils down to is learning how to read a woman well enough to know what's likely to work with her.

As for relationships...it IS possible to have a relationship that doesn't feel like a lot of work and is also highly fulfilling and doesn't hurt you. By not feeling like a lot of work, I mean for BOTH people involved, not just the man or just the woman. The full fledged DJ thing might make it easy for the man, but it places the majority of the burden of compromise on the woman. That might work if you are fortunate enough to find a woman who is most happy when she is doing most of the giving. I don't think the DJing can work for the long haul, though, because eventually...doing all the giving gets old and leads a person to feel like they are being taken for granted, aren't appreciated and are being used. That gorgeous woman you started with is going to get fat, stop taking care of herself, lose interest in sex, and lose interest in the man if he doesn't give her a reason to feel good about herself. Being in love with another person has very little to do with how you feel about the person you are with, but rather how you feel about yourself when you're with them. If your wife or girlfriend lets herself go because she doesn't feel good when she's with you, you aren't going to feel good about yourself with a hefty frump who scowls all the time by your side.

If a person feels good inside they show it on the outside. If they feel lousy inside, it shows in their appearance as well. This is something too many people ignore when it comes to maintaining a relationship.
 

Gipper

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Wyldfire, are you OK?

You seem to be very introspective lately.
I'm not being critical; it's just like you're not as lighthearted you use to be.

Gipper
 

Wyldfire

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Originally posted by Gipper:
Wyldfire, are you OK?

You seem to be very introspective lately.
I'm not being critical; it's just like you're not as lighthearted you use to be.

Gipper
I'm fine. A tiny bit of stress from being laid off at the worst possible time of year and a bit too much time on my hands as a result. I'm extremely pissed at a man too. Can you guess why?
 

Gipper

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Originally posted by Wyldfire:
I'm fine. A tiny bit of stress from being laid off at the worst possible time of year and a bit too much time on my hands as a result. I'm extremely pissed at a man too. Can you guess why?
Sorry to hear about the layoff; that truly sucks.

As far as being pissed at a man, could it be:

a. He said he would call, but he hasn't yet.

b. He has a problem dating a divorced woman with kids.

c. He hasn't been paying a lot of attention to you lately.


These are guesses based on the subject matter you've been interested in lately. Am I close?

G.
 

bclarke675

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Just for the record, I waited 7 days before calling the gal I've been dating recently. And when I did call, I didn't leave a message on her answering machine. She saw my number on the Caller ID and called me the next night to set up a date. I'm sure this is not typical, but it's what actually happened. This is why I think Wyldfire was on-target in my other post about her interest level. Anyway, I can see that 7 days would be too long to wait for some women, but 2 days would be too soon for most.

In the future, I plan to try 4 days before calling and see how that goes.
 

Wyldfire

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Originally posted by Gipper:
Sorry to hear about the layoff; that truly sucks.

As far as being pissed at a man, could it be:

a. He said he would call, but he hasn't yet.

b. He has a problem dating a divorced woman with kids.

c. He hasn't been paying a lot of attention to you lately.


These are guesses based on the subject matter you've been interested in lately. Am I close?

G.
I'm not too worried about the job...I have something else lined up that's actually better, but have to wait until after Thanksgiving...and I'm not very patient when it comes to waiting. I just can't stand having too much free time...feels too much like I'm not accomplishing anything.

The guy...recently admitted he has significant feelings for me. We used to talk a couple of times a week on the phone for up to 3 or 4 hours at a time. Wrote him a letter via snail mail at his request almost 2 months ago and sent him home baked cookies and a couple of gifts I spent ALL day selecting. Again, his idea with a promise of doing the same for me. No letter, no package, half the phone calls, lasting about 30 minutes. All this right after he admits to the feelings and saying what I am almost positive was "I love you" at the end of a call about a week or so ago in a very muffled and mumbling voice. Haven't heard a word from him in the last week and am f*cking furious about it.
 

darkhorse

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The love of my life was in prison for most of the time we were together. That's
where he was when I met him. No, I don't go man hunting in prisons. I met his kids,
adored them and they needed a ride to see him and asked me to take them. For 4
years I went without sex because I loved this man so much. I never cheated on him
or even considered it. He didn't have a pot to piss in. I supported him. I supported
his children because their mother had died while he was in prison. I trotted all over
my state to visits and never missed a single one. I even hit a deer and wrecked my
car pretty badly on the way to visit once. It would still run, though. Know what...I
STILL drove another 150 miles that day to get to that visit and back home. I packed
up and moved to be close to where he was housed. I did that so I could go to three
AA meetings a week with him AND go to visits on both Satudays and Sundays. While
he was in prison a Psychologist who drove a nice Jaguar chased after me
relentlessly for 8 straight months. This guy was chased by women who would do
almost anything to get close to him. He was gorgeous. I didn't give him the time of
day.

This could be taken as supporting Poosy Marauders observation, "Or it migh be emotional pain - people (and especially women) only value relationships
that have been a struggle to achieve. If a guy proves "easy" for them, they think
they have sold themselves short. If it takes a little pain and heartache to win the
guy, they will worship him because he represents a trophy to their efforts."

No?

What kept you faithful for those four years? The actual relationship? Or your fantasy of what that relationship could be? The best fantasies are often those that have no chance of being consummated.
 
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