When to be persistent or move on?

[Hypnotic24]

Worked with this HB8 for about a year and got pretty close. She would text me first almost daily and id respond a few times. I've always been attracted to her but due to the nature of our work I really never considered going for it since my career comes before any chick. I was definitely in the friend zone but was fine with it at the time. We would hangout about once a month get a few drinks flirt hard but that was about it.

Fast forward to about a month ago where I leave and get a new job. Now I am free to go for it but it is the first time I have ever needed to escape the friend zone since I normally don't get in it. I also don't really care for female friends that don't have hot friends or I haven't slept with.

I figured what the hell and here is my attempt at that:
Her: I'm glad u don't work there anymore now we can hang out and not feel guilty about it because I like being friends and seeing you.
Me: yea but to be honest the whole friend thing really isn't working for me because lately ive become interested in you.

At first she thinks in fvking with her and then says well I wont bother you anymore if its difficult but if you change your mind you know where to find me. I said ok no problem I'd love to take you out sometime but the friend thing just doesn't work for me.

A few hrs later she txt me and says lets give it a shot. I set something up for a week later. The night before she flakes and says she was drinking all weekend and has work until 8pm so it probably wouldnt be good to hang out. I say ok and she apologizes and asks if im mad. I just sad nah it happens when are you making it up to me? She said anytime you want. I said how about wednesday? She said there is a small chance I have to go upstate to help my cousin with her wedding dress but if not definitely.

I am spinning plates and always have but I usually don't like them like this one. This is probably because the previous work situation had made her somewhat unavailable.

Here are my questions:

1) If she ends up going upstate and flaking on the second date I set up do I just NC her and move on or give her a third strike?
2) I am assuming if I do allow her one more opportunity that I let her reschedule and set it up? Fine line between persistent and pushy.
3) I am having a really tough time gauging her IL. I'm guessing that is a sign of low interest?
4) Any other feedback on how I handled the situation would be great for future reference.

Advice much appreciated before I develop full-blown one-itis!!

 

[DonJuanabe]

Notice how you are worried about developing oneitis because she is showing possible lack of interest??? You should do the same thing -- if she flakes put the ball in her court and walk away. She'll come after you or she won't -- if she is interested she will. And you know it you just don't like the situation you are in...

 

[Desdinova]

I never allow myself to develop feelings for a woman before I'm regularly dating her. When you're pretty much indifferent about the woman (but still interested in her) her date cancelations and reschedulings won't matter to you (but I would write her off if I get stood up). When you're indifferent about the woman, you can just keep her spinning away while you date other women who are much better at committing.

I personally cannot judge the woman before we successfully end up on a first date (unless I get stood up). When the date finally comes, I take her somewhere fun, get some kino in, flirt like crazy, and get that first kiss. It's only after a successful first date that I can allow myself to think about her personality, her looks, and think about if I'd like to allow myself to become emotionally invested with her.

Until that first date, I just cannot think about anything long term with a woman. The risk of disappointment is too high.

 

[seethehoop]

Personally, I think women set things up but keep an escape plan going. I have just updated one of my threads asking if women do this often.

Reading your post I think thats what she is doing with the whole "going uptate" thing. She probably has some interest or she wouldnt ask if you were mad at her also she has given some indication of an alternate date but has kept a parachute ready.

She may just be keeping this open as she feels some guilt and when that wears off she will use her escape route.

But I would give her this oppertunity, if she flakes then accept it but let her offer an alternative. If she doesn't offer one then leave it and concentrate on the other women and areas of your life.

Go NC to create some space, space to pull her in to if she does chase you back in a few weeks.

 

[Skalioppe]

I think she likes you and I think you actually played things quite well up until now. Professional (due to work), but made your intentions clear now you've left. I reckon by demonstrating you're interested you've entered into that Friend-zone / potential fvck cusp, it's quite a tenuous place but not difficult to tip the balance in the latter's favour. I also think her previous cancellation was probably genuine - these things sometimes happen, but you just don't let her make a habit of it. You simply punish women a little if they do it, your delay your replies to communications or your replies are succinct (but with a humorous overtone so as not to show you're affected). It's subconscious

Several recommendations :
If she flakes on you again, make sure she knows you aren't happy, but yet remain unaffected, also let her know she's not the only plate spinning (even if she isn't) - women are run by their emotions so are often jealous, competitive and territorial regarding suitors - I speak from personal success due to playing the territorial jealousy card. So something like "You're about as reliable as my old <some crappy car>, and to think I cancelled a hot date to catch up with you! ) Anyway, one of those things, speak soon.' She'll probably reply wanting information and that's when you ignore her for a period as punishment.

Standard rules apply really, you need to fish for indicators or interest from her, neg her a few times, and escalate your intent in communications. So you chuck in some innuendos and things with sexual connotations (not blatant but enough to let her know the score). That is so important and something I've learnt, if you play it too coy you end up thoroughly in the friend-zone. Alphas generally let women know they want to bang them, even if it is surreptitiously.

If you get the date, make sure you kino loads, hand / arm touching, really does build a connection.

I think things are looking pretty good for you as long as you remain cool and don't over-chase like a chump.

 

[Hypnotic24]

I agree Desdinova and usually I can keep that emotional distance but I got sucked into this one and lost objectivity of the situation. Its nice to come here and see im thinking in line with you guys or get a swift verbal kick in the a$$ if needed. Thanks for the input guys.