When they want you but don't have you

[Deep Dish]

I have a question of general female nature inspired from a specific situation. The specifics are irrelevant and so I won't waste my time giving details to even frame a backstory to the question.

Straight to the point, there is one insight I remember a long time ago reading from Pook. It wasn't one of his main themes but was rather said in passing. It was that when women are interested in you they will project their desire for you onto other people, using those other people as props. It was an insight I always found curiously interesting but never had any practical use. But, with no details, I suspect it may be happening to me.

My question is, is the insight true? If true, how does it manifest? If true, how "high" of interest does this sort of thing happen?

 

[Warrior74]

More detail?

I had an fb who confessed her love for me and demanded to be a in a relationship. When I failed to cave in, she immediately started dating one of her subordinates but still continues to this day to tell me how much she misses me and how it's not the same without me. Is that the sort of thing your talking about?

 

[reset]

They will flirt with other guys in front of you, going out of their way to let you know they are interested in talking to EVERY MAN BUT YOU. You don't get a second glance. Well you do but you're not supposed to notice her checking your reaction to her jealousy games.

This used to drive me nuts but now I see it for what it is, when you don't give that attention, they will use other male props in the vicinity if they can. At least that's one take on the OP.

 

[logic1]

I think this insight is true. You will find it in women who are the more "traditional" type. They want the man to be the leader and the pursuer. They want you to show them your interest level.

They will say things to make it known they are a certain way. More of a "pick me" type of situation because I'm like this. They will use other people as props. They dont come out and say "you need to be in a LTR with me because I can do this" They do it indirectly.

Examples

"My ex-bf and I had incredible sexual attraction". ( She's telling you she is extremely into sex)

"I always cooked supper for my family every evening". ( She's telling you she's a good and reliable cook)

"I picked up my parents house every evening". (Telling you she is clean and organized)

Does this make sense DD?? Is this what you talking about?

 

[Mr.Positive]

I believe you are talking about a compounding effect of interest level.

Say you meet a woman and she has a high IL in you. She then tells all her friends great things about you, her friends start to like you (even though they haven't met you). Since her friends think you are a great guy, it reinforces her interest level even more. Her IL then continues to compound and rise. She projects her high IL for you to the world, and that projection bounces right back at her. She's happier, because of you, IL continues to go up.

This is a good situation to be in.

Of course, the opposite is always true too. Her IL goes down, she tells her friends/family bad things about you, they start to dislike you (even though they may have never me you), and it compounds even more...

 

[ketostix]

It was that when women are interested in you they will project their desire for you onto other people, using those other people as props.

I think you are saying a woman who for whatever reason can't have her "dream" guy/relationship, she will create a surrogate realtionship with some other guy? Maybe you're not saying that, your question is unclear. But women create all kinds of surrogate relationships to fill in for their need of a dream relationship. That's why they get into long-distance relationships, and love to friend zone a guy who gives them all the fantasy stuff of devotion, commitment, etc. But a surrogate is never really her "A" guy and doesn't usually get sex. He just plays the part but without sex, while she either has sex with others or waits until her real "A" guy materialize and he fulfills both roles.

Or were you asking about something else?

 

[reset]

But a surrogate is never really her "A" guy and doesn't usually get sex. He just plays the part but without sex, while she either has sex with others or waits until her real "A" guy materialize and he fulfills both roles.

So why even bother interacting with chicks you'll never bang. Like married office workers for instance. What's the point? It's fun to flirt sometimes, but maybe it's a waste of energy. No point.

 

[ketostix]

So why even bother interacting with chicks you'll never bang. Like married office workers for instance. What's the point? It's fun to flirt sometimes, but maybe it's a waste of energy. No point.

Well I wouldn't say married office workers don't bang their coworkers because that's actually one of the most common scenarios. Flirting with various women is one thing, but what I was talking about is women having psuedo relationships with guys who she's never going to fvck and friend zoned situations.

 

[reset]

I know it's common. But it will explode in my face. That's why I keep my distance and she comes after me, because I refuse to get into one of those pseudo situations she has with the other dudes who trip over their shoelaces just to be next to her. Which means I get more attention from her in the long run. We both wanna fvck but there's too much potential BS in a small office. Blah. I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore lol.

 

[jophil28]

It was that when women are interested in you they will project their desire for you onto other people, using those other people as props.

DO you mean TRANSFER rather than "project" ?

I do not remember this quote from Pook ,so I am only guessing at what you are saying.

However,I have seen women become active in seeking a substitute lover when their original object of desire is unavailable.

It is as if their desire for coupling was aroused by one man but who subsequently rejected her or was not available. Then she quickly "snared" another guy who is available but who usually is not as desireable or attractive as #1 and 'settled' for him (usually, for a while ).
If this phenomenon is what you are getting at, then I would say that her actions are just ego preservation.
I kind of feel sorry for guy #2.

 

[Deep Dish]

Warrior74:
More detail?

Sorry about that. It has been my experience that some guys on here misinterpret a question of general female nature when the question is prefaced with the backstory which lead up to the question. The guys, naturally enough but annoyingly enough, treat it as a question of the specific situation, give advice, and miss the point. So, for at least this question, I wanted to just avoid the problem altogether.

To clarify what I meant, I did a little digging around and found two quotes of Pook from his post “More Wom@nese!”

What do you think of [insert girl’s name]? What do you think about that girl [insert another girl’s name]?

Do I have competition?

Maybe [insert old woman] thought you were hot!

You are what is hot.

Women are not direct. They project their thoughts through a prop. In this case, the old lady is the prop.

Of course, there are other potential examples such as women telling a guy about all the guys who are asking her out, to hint he should hurry up and ask her out. In my case, it's along the general lines of a girl saying in jest “Well, your girlfriend...” (I, of course, am as single as you can get.)

 

[ketostix]

Sorry about that. It has been my experience that some guys on here misinterpret a question of general female nature when the question is prefaced with the backstory which lead up to the question. The guys, naturally enough but annoyingly enough, treat it as a question of the specific situation, give advice, and miss the point. So, for at least this question, I wanted to just avoid the problem altogether.

To clarify what I meant, I did a little digging around and found two quotes of Pook from his post “More Wom@nese!”Of course, there are other potential examples such as women telling a guy about all the guys who are asking her out, to hint he should hurry up and ask her out. In my case, it's along the general lines of a girl saying in jest “Well, your girlfriend...” (I, of course, am as single as you can get.)

It's still not really clear what you are saying but I think I get the gist of it. I think you are saying women are covert and indirect communicators, and one way they covertly communicate their interest to a guy is through "tells" of their interest. For example, dropping hints to you trough commenting on others, covertly asking if you have a GF, testing to see if you are attracted to other girls besides her etc. This is just female's indirect, covert language, but yeah I agree this signals her interest in you.

 

[iqqi]

Are you sure Pook wasn't saying that women project their dream guy fantasy onto YOU?

Maybe you should quote Pook.

 

[Jay Dee]

...It was that when women are interested in you they will project their desire for you onto other people, using those other people as props....

I think I know what you mean... this is from a text I had a couple months back:

Well my mate's gutted u declined the otha night and wants 2 know more about u, I wud have given her more details but I'm in the dark myself x!

This is after I told the girl above to flirt with me over text few days before that, her reply was her 'girlfriend' asked if I could take them both, but I 'turned down' the girlfriend, which apparently was the right answer haha.