When she says I'll get back to you.

[comote]

Ok so I have been seeing this chick for a few weeks, a few times when I make plans with her she says.
" I am busy, I will call you if I can make it"
A couple of times we have gotten together and a couple of times she couldn't.
I personally don't like the idea of her taking the control away from me. What would be a smooth way to take control back when she says this, without seeming pushy?
By the way she pulled this on me for today, this time not calling until an hour before we would have gone out.(usually I get at least a couple of days notice) I made other plans and I just want to hear that I did the right thing even though I am know I did.
And if you think not let me know.

 

[italostud]

She's testing you and you're failing big time. Last minute cancellations can't be tolerated. Last time a girl tried that with me, I told her I wasn't going to put up with that ****, that she needs to give me a couple of days notice and not to do it again, then I asked her if she understood me. When I met up with her again she said "You know, I kinda liked when you said all that stuff on the phone. You kinda, put me in my place" Haha, the *****es actually want you to yell at them, so don't be afraid to call her on it.

 

[comote]

Thanks for the comment although I have long ago decided that anger has very little place in my relationships with women. I have found if I keep the appearance of anger to a minimum, when I actually appear angry it has more affect..
As well it is not a last minute cancellation. It is more of a
well I don't want to give you a definite answer now, I will get back to you. Hence when she calls at the last minute I actually do have other plans if she has not gotten in touch.

 

[italostud]

Guess I didn't mention this, but when you call her on it, you aren't supposed to sound angry at all. You should always be composed and in control, just lay it out for her. Imagine you're scolding a child for doing something wrong, but without the condescending tone of voice.

 

[Krassus]

Never get angry, as anyone who knows anything about psychology will automatically associate it with weakness. And since psychology is one of the top majors for women today, they will see it for just that.

Try being firm/serious instead - lower your voice, speak slower, don't make pauses. Don't second guess yourself - if you think you went overboard, its too late to apologize. But make it clear to her that you won't tolerate last-minute cancellations.

And keep in mind that sh1t happens to all of us, so she likely didn't plan on cancelling at the last minute. This does NOT mean she's testing you. Stay OUT of her head. Worry about YOURSELF.

 

[Austin Allegro]

You can't always tell. Sometimes unexpected things do happen and she really does have to cancel, but if she doesn't want to arrange firm other plans or it happens more than once, forget it and move on, I'd say.

 

[Gonzalo]

Well, unexpected things "do" happen, but if she says something sounding like "sure, I'll go out with you, just let me see if X happens during the day and I'll call to confirm", then it's not so unexpected. When they give me the "confirmation call" when setting up the date I just say "I'm gonna be [doing something] before so I won't be able to talk to you to confirm. If you think you won't be able to make it we can just leave it for another time". They get the hint, and either accept or don't. Peace. G

 

[myfriendblu]

Basic textbook example of low IL. her IL in you isn't high. If it was, she would drop everything and bend over backwards to hang with you. She isn't. Low IL = NEXT.