When She Doesn't Wanna Come Out Alone...

[VladPatton]

What's up chaps. Here's my question. I am working this girl I met through my buddy at a group outting. I told him I dug her, he sets up another group outting and I get her number. I ask her out a week later in a one-text SMS and she says:

''thanks for the invite, I am going out with some friends, but let's get together when Tony comes back from his trip''

(my friend is away, hence I asked her to meet for a coffee).

Seems she doesn't have the security to go out with 'me' without 'him'. I am not keen on another outting with me, him and her, although it would let me get more face time. I'm taking this as disinterest.

Your thoughts on this.

 

[nismo-4]

She's just taking out her insecurities on you. More or less, she's not comfortable with you, so she needs Captain Kokblok to be with her.

BTW, Captain Kokblok is more likely already banging her. Judge nismo knows that she's just not that into you.

Case closed. Group dates are just for platonic friends.

 

[georgie24]

emotionally insecure

pump n dump

she is basicly useless for any kind of relationship

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Girls who have interest in you will have no problem going out with you by themselves; girls that don't will always want to have someone else around so it won't feel like a "date."

Bottom line: she's not interested. Yes, it's really that simple.

 

[Dante1a]

Wow. Give up so easily? I thought this was supposed to be fun.

Case and point, was talking with a beautiful girl that I'm connected with through my previous job. She and I agree to meet for coffee while I was visiting the town she lives in. At the last minute, she asks if a mutual friend of ours (who is her short term roommate) can come as well.

Now, I immediately thought "Aha..and there is the **** block", but I decided to have fun with it and see what I could do.

They show up and I spend my time speaking with our mutual friend, joking with him and keeping everything really light. Occasionally, I would look at the girl to emphasize a point, but I barely spoke with her.

We all said "goodbye" and went our separate ways.

Two nights later, I get a text from her saying "Hey, I had fun the other day. Want to do it again? Maybe beer this time?" Since I was in town already that evening we set up a time to meet up.

She bought me a few rounds, I escalated and ended up with her that night. Now, she won't stop calling and texting to hang out with me.

Here's the point: If you actually are interested in "working" a girl, then "work her". Don't just assume that everything is lost. Have fun and don't be so afraid of not sleeping with her that you are afraid to do anything.

My opinion (and that's all it is) would be that you haven't yet built enough value or comfort for her to hang out with you. Obviously, she doesn't seem "sold" on you and your value yet. That's the first place to start.

Remember, a happy man, who knows who he is and what he wants, can have fun with women and not be upset if it doesn't work out. But, no matter how good you are, you will ALWAYS miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

Have some fun attracting her, mate! Good luck!

 

[NobodyCares1]

exactly... guys here are nexting the girls too much too soon... even if it is a lost cause you can still learn something from it... try some new technique and see how it works... if it's supposed to be just another learning experience make it a great learning experience...

 

[Who Dares Win]

I join the "she is not interested" group here, come on man if she was interested in you do you think she would have skipped your invite and even suggested a group hang out?

If she doesnt want to stay alone with you means that she is not intersted an most of all she wants to avoid any condition where you would make a move on her, cant be easier than that.

However lets be positive, lets imagine that she is not sure yet, now let time pass and next time you have a group hang out, try to communicate with her and engage her in conversation to gauge her attitude.

If she limits herlself to politeness and smiling, she is just uninterested.
If she is interested she would articulate her answer and ask something back to you while probably "accidentaly" touch you, you know when women put a hand on your shoulder while laughting etc.

So take accidental physical contact and enriched communication as signs.
Anyway the odds dont seem in your favour, I would say move on or if you really like this girl try to increase your value, but I think its no worth.

 

[Dante1a]

Vlad, if you want to pursue this girl, do it. Try something and see if it works. If it doesn't, NobodyCares1 is right, at least you have some feedback and you'll be able to figure out what works and what doesn't.

You have to try and **** up to get good, anyway, so why rob yourself of that opportunity? Nexting a girl quickly because "she just doesn't seem interested" doesn't exactly help you get better. It just lets you keep a false sense of superiority in the subject matter.

The mindset to go after here is "have fun and try stuff" but also with a heavy dose of "I don't give a **** about what the outcome is". Be totally okay with this girl blowing you off hardcore. Doesn't matter. You learned. You had fun. There are millions of women to have fun with.

 

[Who Dares Win]

edit

 

[Who Dares Win]

He said that this girl is a group he is hanging out with, so telling him "you have nothing to lose pursuing her" its not true.

The last thing he wants is to be the "creepy guy" of the group, so not only he would feel like sh1t for being rejected from that girl but he will also burn himself in that group of people...if he screws up he can forget also the other girls there.

Trust me if a girl start talking about that "creepy guy" who annoy her, the other sheep mentality girls will share that vision, now do you think a girl would deprive herself of the pleasure of bragging?
We all know most of the times girls complain about harassers its just to say how desired they are, its a form of female bragging.

I see no sense in betting on a losing horse those same coins you could use for future races where your horses will show many more signs of health.

Why you guys dont pay attention to the bigger picture?

 

[Dante1a]

Who Dares, good point. I guess we're talking about different definitions of the bigger picture, but both are totally valid.

Vlad, trying to get her is not about being a creeper. Hopefully, we all know that. Creepy does not get girls (unless you are Johnny Depp in a Tim Burton film).

My point is simply that trying, within reason and not being afraid of the consequences, is not only great practice, but also great fun.

I personally would never feel bad about pursuing someone I thought was attractive, within a group of friends or not, because I see no problem with me expressing interest. But I don't do it as a creepy guy and I don't make her uncomfortable (well, outside of when it's useful in building attraction).

It's really up to which reality you want to step into. Both have their consequences and rewards. Good luck, lad!

Good points, guys.

 

[Sneevox]

Wow. Give up so easily? I thought this was supposed to be fun.

Exactly!

Have some fun. It may be a little hard, but HEY, you'll come out with some more knowledge about women!
Don't just rely on what others tell you.

G'luck!

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I just wanted to add: I wasn't necessarily saying it isn't possible to eventually get with this girl. However, I'm all for going for girls where my odds are better, and this isn't one of the scenarios where the outcome is leaning towards her getting with you.

Real talk, I've been in this scenario a few times back in my early dating days, and the outcome ended up being the same: the girl didn't want to be alone with me because she didn't want to date me.

If we're playing Vegas odds here, which scenario is more likely to mean that a girl wants to date you: the one where you ask a girl out and she keeps wanting to bring other people along, or the one where you ask a girl out and she only wants the two of you to be there?

Furthermore, a date is designed so that two people can focus on each other and build a deeper connection by learning more about the other one. You can't really do that as easily if there's a 3rd wheel around.

Again, if we're playing the odds here, the more likely reason that girl would want to bring along a 3rd party is 'cause she doesn't want to be alone with you.

Anytime a girl does something that seems questionable, ask yourself this question: if the situation were reversed, would you do the same actions as she is? In other words, what if she came up to you and said "Hey, wanna go out to a movie this weekend?"

If you had high interest in her, would your response be: "Sure, I'd love to go - can I bring my friend Becky with us?"

 

[VladPatton]

First, I'd like to thank you all for your inputs, I wasn't expecting such great advice on my first post. The way I see it is phuck it, let's have some fun, and screw the outcome. It is all about trying... in an intelligent, limited, non needy or creepy style. It IS getting more experience, and who the hell wants a screwed up chick with emotional insecirities anyway? I got pretty cold to the situation after that reply, so the ''I Don't Give A Phuck'' level shot way up for me. I'll keep you updated as to what pit in hell this hot mess on wheels ends up. When you get shot down in flames, you might as well Kamikaze some mudderfookers!

 

[omega05]

I would have tried to iterate that you just wanted to go out with her alone and then see what she says

 

[Zerro]

Another thread where hardly anyone is showing their age, so I'm going to assume that many of those who are egging him on are pretty young as older guys tend to learn not to waste time with these situations.

Part of becoming a DJ is that you're learning what the naturals have been doing all along without realizing it: recognizing which women are and are not worth your time. This becomes increasingly important as you get older and busier, the less time you have to waste on girls who aren't returning your interest.

Here were have a common situation where the girl won't do anything with you unless a "chaperon" is present: she ain't worth it. An interested woman won't want any ****blockers around to screw things up, she's comfortable enough with you to take you on alone.

He said that this girl is a group he is hanging out with, so telling him "you have nothing to lose pursuing her" its not true.

The last thing he wants is to be the "creepy guy" of the group, so not only he would feel like sh1t for being rejected from that girl but he will also burn himself in that group of people...if he screws up he can forget also the other girls there.

Yes, and once you get labeled as the creepy guy you'll never ditch that reputation whether or not it was deserved. Even if another guy shows up who does something even "worse" then you'll just be creepy guy #2.

 

[JohnChops]

I dont get it, if the girl doesnt want to hang out with you alone then why bother with her. Move on .

For the people saying to pursue ... why bother .

Your pursuing a girl who has low IL and doesnt want to hang out with you alone lol good luck on that one.

Agreed with zerro on this one all the way. Get rid of the trash to find the gems. Next next and next !

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Wow. Give up so easily? I thought this was supposed to be fun.

Case and point, was talking with a beautiful girl that I'm connected with through my previous job. She and I agree to meet for coffee while I was visiting the town she lives in. At the last minute, she asks if a mutual friend of ours (who is her short term roommate) can come as well.

Now, I immediately thought "Aha..and there is the **** block", but I decided to have fun with it and see what I could do.

They show up and I spend my time speaking with our mutual friend, joking with him and keeping everything really light. Occasionally, I would look at the girl to emphasize a point, but I barely spoke with her.

We all said "goodbye" and went our separate ways.

Two nights later, I get a text from her saying "Hey, I had fun the other day. Want to do it again? Maybe beer this time?" Since I was in town already that evening we set up a time to meet up.

She bought me a few rounds, I escalated and ended up with her that night. Now, she won't stop calling and texting to hang out with me.

Here's the point: If you actually are interested in "working" a girl, then "work her". Don't just assume that everything is lost. Have fun and don't be so afraid of not sleeping with her that you are afraid to do anything.

My opinion (and that's all it is) would be that you haven't yet built enough value or comfort for her to hang out with you. Obviously, she doesn't seem "sold" on you and your value yet. That's the first place to start.

Remember, a happy man, who knows who he is and what he wants, can have fun with women and not be upset if it doesn't work out. But, no matter how good you are, you will ALWAYS miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

Have some fun attracting her, mate! Good luck!

Spot on bro. Was in a situation earlier this year and the same shiat went down. In many of these cases the girl IS attracted, but just needs to feel comfortable.

But there is A LOT of bad advice that is parroted on this main discussion forum, which is why there is even more confusion for all the newbies trying to weed through all the horse shiat that is passed on as advice here.


Good post






PIMP

 

[Pimp-sicle]

I dont get it, if the girl doesnt want to hang out with you alone then why bother with her. Move on .

For the people saying to pursue ... why bother .

Your pursuing a girl who has low IL and doesnt want to hang out with you alone lol good luck on that one.

Agreed with zerro on this one all the way. Get rid of the trash to find the gems. Next next and next !

In this particular situation I agree with you and it doesn't look like the girl is interested mainly because the OP verbalized his interest in the target, that's a big DJ no-no.

But my point was in general there are too many keyboard jockies parroting advice that at the first sign of girl not showing firework like interest that you should eject....... and that is just not true at all.

The simple truth is not every girl is going to show all the signs of high interest.

Some show it right off the bat and make it very easy.

Some are a little more calculated and warm up to you with time.

While others are timid and don't show much if any interest.

It is smart to weed out the no interest options, but most HOT girls have options so if you give up right off the bat if there is an obstacle thrown your way, your never going to get better in dealing with women.

Learning to decipher between which girls are worth putting some work in for and which ones you should drop is the key here.

Lastly, most girls who show super high interest so quickly end up not being worth it in the long run anyways in terms of serious relationships.

Now if your just looking for a bang, then yes knock them outta of the park....haha







PIMP

 

[omega05]

Exactly, everybody just echoes dead her and think that's what a DJ is