When she complains

[sazc]

Quite a masculine way of thinking and communication right there.

Perhaps, in the absence of female (covert) energy in your communication, he assumes the feminine role (complaining).

Something to think about.

It's not a masculine way of thinking and communicating, it's the healthy way. We're (relationships) supposed to be able to be gently direct and honest when we communicate with each other . That's how you come to KNOW the person you are dating and establish healthy boundaries, etc.

But I agree with your sentiment in the manner of - it is apparent now that he and I had MUCH different ways of communicating. Cognitively he and I were a mismatch.

 

[guru1000]

It's not a masculine way of thinking and communicating, it's the healthy way. We're (relationships) supposed to be able to be gently direct and honest when we communicate with each other . That's how you come to KNOW the person you are dating and establish healthy boundaries, etc.

But I agree with your sentiment in the manner of - it is apparent now that he and I had MUCH different ways of communicating. Cognitively he and I were a mismatch.

I didn’t suggest that one type of communication is superior to the other. A proficient communicator is versatile in both. Rather I was stating the intrinsic female communication is covert (e.g. shlt tests, indirect, sub-communication, hidden intent), whereas men naturally communicate their intent overtly.

Hence, why we tell men to follow her actions, not words, as her words often belie her intent.

Your style of communication is direct and overt. This is a masculine type of communication, and since you seem to abhor covert communication, it’s very possible that your masculine style of communication creates a void in the relation where female style communication is missing, and so, he assumes that role.

 

[flowtheory]

Do **** tests ever stop from women or is this simply exclusive to the beginning of the relationship to see how a man handles himself?

 

[sazc]

Your style of communication is direct and overt. This is a masculine type of communication, and since you seem to abhor covert communication, it’s very possible that your masculine style of communication creates a void in the relation where female style communication is missing, and so, he assumes that role.

Well...lke a little b1tch, he tended to have spntaneous emotional tantrums every now and then, so maybe he did assume more of a feminine role. Juxtapose that with the installation of tile in my bathroom, and other handy household items/tasks he would do, or help me perform. Talk about confusing....

 

[logicallefty]

Do **** tests ever stop from women or is this simply exclusive to the beginning of the relationship to see how a man handles himself?

I think they slow down drastically but not 100%. About 3 x years ago I was in the first few weeks of a LTR and we were discussing her work Christmas party and what we were wearing. She threw me her first sh|t test and it went down like this:

GF: What are you wearing to the party?
LL: More than shorts and a T-shirt, less than a business suit. Something decent.
GF: What about shoes?
LL: Oh I will wear by boots I always wear (which fit multiple occasions. They can be work boots or dress boots with a little polish).
GF: You are NOT wearing those boots. You need to find something else
LL: Hey it's your party. But it's my feet. So if I can't wear what I want on my feet I will skip the party.
(We both ended up skipping it cuz she didn't want to go alone)

Ok, 1 x year later discussing her Christmas party again:

GF: Do want to go to my Christmas party this year? You can wear your boots!
LL: If I can wear my boots then sure I would love to go.
GF: It isn't my place to tell you what to wear. I learned my lesson last year.
LL: Good, I'm glad we are on the same page.
GF: There is no telling you what to do and I get that now!

 

[guru1000]

Well...lke a little b1tch, he tended to have spntaneous emotional tantrums every now and then, so maybe he did assume more of a feminine role. Juxtapose that with the installation of tile in my bathroom, and other handy household items/tasks he would do, or help me perform. Talk about confusing....

Two predominant types of women: the feminine female and the alpha female. You're more the alpha female, which drops the pool significantly, as you won't respect most men. You'll naturally conform to your feminine core once you meet a guy who you feel comfortable surrendering to.

 

[flowtheory]

Two predominant types of women: the feminine female and the alpha female. You're more the alpha female, which drops the pool significantly, as you won't respect most men. You'll naturally conform to your feminine core once you meet a guy who you feel comfortable surrendering to.

So true. I recently encountered this. Alpha female is a tricky one. They want to call all the shots.

One of my good friends who is a woman struggles in dating because she’s super overt in her communications and I can tell it’s just too much for men to be around.

 

[logicallefty]

Two predominant types of women: the feminine female and the alpha female. You're more the alpha female, which drops the pool significantly, as you won't respect most men. You'll naturally conform to your feminine core once you meet a guy who you feel comfortable surrendering to.

This^ is what my GF was in my post about the sh|t test over the boots.

 

[RichardTheFrog]

So true. I recently encountered this. Alpha female is a tricky one. They want to call all the shots.

One of my good friends who is a woman struggles in dating because she’s super overt in her communications and I can tell it’s just too much for men to be around.

"Alpha" females are just playing pretend. They might believe their own nonsense, however.

The fact that they're protected by the law alters their personalities.

 

[guru1000]

So true. I recently encountered this. Alpha female is a tricky one. They want to call all the shots.

One of my good friends who is a woman struggles in dating because she’s super overt in her communications and I can tell it’s just too much for men to be around.

I recently shlt-tested a girl I was seeing, which led to an inevitable exchange. She's the alpha type, but she knows I would eat her alive. Her remarks were flippant/distasteful so I cut the date short and took her home. S&D followed. She blew up my phone the other day. I didn't respond. I'm still questioning whether I should give her another shot.

I had a 5 year LTR with an alpha female, which was an incessant battle of wits, and tiring at the end. So I ended it. I try to view each person differently and not put them all into one box and pass judgment. We shall see.

 

[flowtheory]

I recently shlt-tested a girl I was seeing, which led to an inevitable exchange. She's the alpha type, but she knows I would eat her alive. Her remarks were flippant/distasteful so I cut the date short and took her home. S&D followed. She blew up my phone the other day. I didn't respond. I'm still questioning whether I should give her another shot.

I had a 5 year LTR with an alpha female, which was an incessant battle of wits, and tiring at the end. So I ended it. I try to view each person differently and not put them all into one box and pass judgment. We shall see.

You sh!t tested a girl?
Tell the story!

 

[guru1000]

You sh!t tested a girl?
Tell the story!

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/thread...nd-the-drama-that-ensued.247874/#post-2532633

 

[Roober]

I'm a strange one in that I abhorr ongoing drama. I definitely believe in the mantra of "solve your issues". Anything other than solving issues means you like/prefer to love in the victim role. I detest perpetual victims.

But what/how should I have said to him to let him know I was tired of hearing about it and prefered not to talk about it?

Agreed completely on the entire victim mentality.

Some questions you should consider...
1. If someone constantly insults their peers, what does that say about that person?
2. While exhibiting those behaviors, did you wonder what he may say about you?
3. And lastly, if you dated a man like this for a year and enjoy the drama, what does that say about you?

Elevate yourself and you will bring better people into your life. And, you will already have the answers to the questions you posed here.

 

[Roober]

Do **** tests ever stop from women or is this simply exclusive to the beginning of the relationship to see how a man handles himself?

They won't ever stop. It's just part of dealing with creatures that are driven by emotions, which are irrational, fluid, and mostly unpredictable.

 

[RichardTheFrog]

After your d1ck has been in her throat a few times, it's hard to take her too seriously

 

[ohrein]

Just listen. Women don't want man logic or solutions. They just want to vent. So I just listen, ask questions and then when she seems like she's got it all out, switch gears to something fun. My current gf tends to switch gears herself anyway, so that's rad. I didn't read all the replies here but I noticed sh1t test a lot. I don't think it's a sh1t test at all, not if you're sleeping with her in an LTR. Most of us want to be friends with our gf's and that's part of it. If it became excessive or she's dragging you down because she has mental health problems, well then you should probably think hard about her. But if it's just the occasional venting for ten minutes, it's fine in my opinion.

 

[flowtheory]

Just listen. Women don't want man logic or solutions. They just want to vent. So I just listen, ask questions and then when she seems like she's got it all out, switch gears to something fun. My current gf tends to switch gears herself anyway, so that's rad. I didn't read all the replies here but I noticed sh1t test a lot. I don't think it's a sh1t test at all, not if you're sleeping with her in an LTR. Most of us want to be friends with our gf's and that's part of it. If it became excessive or she's dragging you down because she has mental health problems, well then you should probably think hard about her. But if it's just the occasional venting for ten minutes, it's fine in my opinion.

The sh!t test was a different question.
I wouldn’t think her venting or complaining would be a sh!t test.
It’s good your gf switches gears. My last few have been terrible for it.