when she calls you on it

[(JJ)]

i have always followed the adage of he who cares less, controls the relationship.

recently, my gf of 4 months has started saying "i feel like if we were to break up, you just wouldn't care", "i feel like i care way more for you than you do for me" and that kind of thing...

these things are said in serious conversation tones and i would have a hard time just laughing them off, so im curious, how do any of you guys handle it if and when a girl confronts you on something like this?

 

[NO MA'AM]

JJ,

I think you need to seriously ask yourself why she keeps bringing the conversation around to breaking up.

It is entirely possible you are overdoing the "care less" element, and this is sending the false message that you are bored with the relationship. Now what you absolutely must not do here is to jump all the way over to the opposite extreme that is the AFC by enumerating all the reasons you really care. Those personality swings convey character weakness and insecurity. Instead, I suggest you not allow the subject to come up again by subtlety, very subtlety, showing a little more interest, contacting her a little more, and coming up with a few new ideas for things you both can do. However, you must be careful to not gradually morph your personality to the other side or be too available for her.

 

[jophil28]

recently, my gf of 4 months has started saying "i feel like if we were to break up, you just wouldn't care", "i feel like i care way more for you than you do for me" and that kind of thing...

These are her pleas for reassurance by you that your relationship with her is still viable. It is her insecurity emerging as anxiety over the possibility that you do not care as much as she would like.
What to do?
Remember this, we tell a special woman how we feel by taking ACTION.

Try this (or your own variation)

G/F says ," I feel that you sometimes don't care/love as much as I do."

JJ (with poker face)," Hmmmm..So you think I don't care so much - I'll show you how much I don't care."

Then you grab her forcefully, pull her into you and kiss her like it's your last.

That should do it !

 

[the305]

i have always followed the adage of he who cares less, controls the relationship.

recently, my gf of 4 months has started saying "i feel like if we were to break up, you just wouldn't care", "i feel like i care way more for you than you do for me" and that kind of thing...

WHAT THE HELL?!@# Cut out the mind games she is your GIRLFRIEND, I dont know WHERE u got this little nugget of information, but please who ever wrote it, stop taking their advice. ASAP.

 

[Jules Verne]

Agree and amplify.

 

[sodbuster]

As long as a woman KNOWS she can be easily replaced, you don't need to "care less" so much that it shows all the time.

 

[(JJ)]

key information that i left out... she lives a couple hours away for the summer, so im being really casual about it. she on the other hand has become very invested lately. we see each other about two days out of every two weeks.

Try this (or your own variation)

G/F says ," I feel that you sometimes don't care/love as much as I do."

JJ (with poker face)," Hmmmm..So you think I don't care so much - I'll show you how much I don't care."

Then you grab her forcefully, pull her into you and kiss her like it's your last.

That should do it !

yea, i like this. i thought that i needed to do something like it, but there again, i live fairly far away from her until school starts back up. i suppose changing variations to fit the ldr sitch would work, or even just waiting to see her and pulling something like that.

WHAT THE HELL?!@# Cut out the mind games she is your GIRLFRIEND, I dont know WHERE u got this little nugget of information, but please who ever wrote it, stop taking their advice. ASAP.

yes, she is my GIRLFRIEND... of 4 MONTHS. not someone ive poured my heart and soul into who if i lost i would have to go kill myself over because there's no one else for me.

i dont remember which number it is, bro, but it's one of the laws of power. its been published, and highly touted as correct. it's not a mind game. its a fact of nature. effort appreciated, but i respectfully think you're way off.

As long as a woman KNOWS she can be easily replaced, you don't need to "care less" so much that it shows all the time.

true, but the way you put " 'care less' " inside quotes implies that its an effort that im making. (meaning could be lost behind the computer screen...) i honestly put no effort into appearing as though i care less. i just... kinda DO care less than her. not to mention the fact that she is well aware that she can be replaced at the drop of a hat if she slips.

JJ,

I think you need to seriously ask yourself why she keeps bringing the conversation around to breaking up.

It is entirely possible you are overdoing the "care less" element, and this is sending the false message that you are bored with the relationship. Now what you absolutely must not do here is to jump all the way over to the opposite extreme that is the AFC by enumerating all the reasons you really care. Those personality swings convey character weakness and insecurity. Instead, I suggest you not allow the subject to come up again by subtlety, very subtlety, showing a little more interest, contacting her a little more, and coming up with a few new ideas for things you both can do. However, you must be careful to not gradually morph your personality to the other side or be too available for her.

agreed, im actually looking for a few ways to do the subtle showing...

agree and amplify.

like i said, this is said within serious conversations... and for me, agreeing and amplifying relies on making the whole situation into one big joke. maybe there's another way to do it?

 

[NO MA'AM]

JJ,

I'll expand somewhat more on the suggestion I made here:

I suggest you not allow the subject to come up again by subtlety, very subtlety, showing a little more interest, contacting her a little more, and coming up with a few new ideas for things you both can do.

If she wears clothes/perfume you like, puts her a hair in a style you like, prepares a meal for you that you enjoy, earnestly compliment her.

Send her a random text every now and then. Try not to say anything that could be misinterpreted. Playful texts are usually the best in this situation.

Plan dates at places and for events that both of you enjoy, but you especially. Don't be predictable. Take her to new places and do some different things, maybe even stuff you haven't done before but want to try.

The key here is to not make it obvious that you are doing any of this because of her comments, rather, you are doing it because YOU want to do it.

The fact is that you and her are BF/GF because you each appreciate the personality of the other, and as in just about every case, the personalities have some differences. You care a little bit less than she does. There is little you can do about that because that is the way you are. It is also very understandable because men often do not have the irrational thinking process women have when it comes to different things.

agreeing and amplifying relies on making the whole situation into one big joke. maybe there's another way to do it?

ABSOLUTELY DO NOT DO THIS. Making a joke, or even giving the appearance of this, is MUCH WORSE than "caring less". If your GF is really interested in this relationship continuing, she will not bring this up again unless:

1. She is giving you a sh*t test.
2. The original problem is continuing.

I reiterate, if you subtly make some changes, there should be no reason on her part to bring this up again. And you certainly won't bring this up for any reason. Based on what you stated the problem is, correcting it should end further discussion about it.