when occasional oneitis crops up?

[joekerr31]

Hey guys,

question. you ask a woman out. she's seeing some guy but doesn't say no, rather that she "probably shouldn't". You know you can play it further but you NEXT her cuz its not your way to mack on some other guys woman - nor are you really interested in a woman who is prepared to cheat on her man.

but you find yourself with a bit of oneitis - ie. still thinking about her and stuff. Time goes by, a few months, and the feeling starts to disappear (ie. your IL goes down). You start flirting and macking on other women with good results.

but every now and then that feeling of oneitis over that woman first mentioned above kicks in.

Something like this ever happen to you? Any advice on what to do about it?

J

 

[speedo_meme]

How can you have oneitis for a girl you never went out with, much less hooked up or slept with? Did I miss something here?

 

[joekerr31]

oneitis is the wrong word.
hehe.

whatever word you'd think about for thinking about a woman.

we never went out but did get to know each other well.

J

 

[Tomb]

Give it more time, feelings dont disappear that easily, once you found another oneitis, you'll forget about that one.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

The easiest way to counter ONEitis is to spin more plates. The more irons you have going in the fire at one time the lower your odds of developing ONEitis with a single girl. I've used this analogy before, but it bears repeating - too many guys think that they need to be a sniper with regards to women; patiently waiting for a single solitary target to be open for his one shot. Concentrating all his effort and focus on his "one big chance" to prove to her (and himself) that she's "the ONE." Rather a man would be better served by using a shotgun and scattering his effort over many women and picking the ones that respond the best to them. It's spaghetti theory, throw enough against the wall and see what sticks.

When you're in sniper mentality you not only set yourself up for a harsh dissapointment when you blow your shot with your ONE target, the odds of ONEitis increase when and if she does respond favorably. Your head is where it starts - the main reason I bother to post on this site and ones like it is exactly because too many young men have been socialized into this scarcity mentality that directly leads to ONEitis. It's very counterproductive to both men and women in that women ultimately want a decisive man, but hinder a guy in this by controlling him, often quite indirectly, because the guy has internalized his ONEitis. One of the reasons older men seem so much more attractive to younger women in their maturity is because (hopefully) they've sorted this dynamic out from experience and posess this, for lack of a better term, 'fatherly' quality to them due to it. There's far too many young men that are 'pre-whipped' in this predisposition for ONEitis even when they have no girl to be the object of it.

 

[SAYNO]

Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi
The easiest way to counter ONEitis is to spin more plates. The more irons you have going in the fire at one time the lower your odds of developing ONEitis with a single girl. I've used this analogy before, but it bears repeating - too many guys think that they need to be a sniper with regards to women; patiently waiting for a single solitary target to be open for his one shot. Concentrating all his effort and focus on his "one big chance" to prove to her (and himself) that she's "the ONE." Rather a man would be better served by using a shotgun and scattering his effort over many women and picking the ones that respond the best to them. It's spaghetti theory, throw enough against the wall and see what sticks.

When you're in sniper mentality you not only set yourself up for a harsh dissapointment when you blow your shot with your ONE target, the odds of ONEitis increase when and if she does respond favorably. Your head is where it starts - the main reason I bother to post on this site and ones like it is exactly because too many young men have been socialized into this scarcity mentality that directly leads to ONEitis. It's very counterproductive to both men and women in that women ultimately want a decisive man, but hinder a guy in this by controlling him, often quite indirectly, because the guy has internalized his ONEitis. One of the reasons older men seem so much more attractive to younger women in their maturity is because (hopefully) they've sorted this dynamic out from experience and posess this, for lack of a better term, 'fatherly' quality to them due to it. There's far too many young men that are 'pre-whipped' in this predisposition for ONEitis even when they have no girl to be the object of it.

Excellent!

 

[speedo_meme]

Actually, I think he's already done that, he said he's been macking on chicks with good results, and the one itis is still there. I can sort of relate to that. Regardless of her situation, I'd probably ask her out again and take the results and run with them. No sense having one itis with a girl that nothing will ever happen with. At least you know.

 

[IronFar]

It's not "ONEitis".

It's purely regret over not hitting that when you should have.

REGRET.

 

[joekerr31]

it could be regret.

but heres the thing. i understand the shotgun theory and use it generally speaking. but now and then you hit a woman who just floors you.

shes not more beautiful than others. shes not playing any games others arent playing. theres nothing discernably different about her, but for some reason you're like a moht to the flame.

anyway, i think the regret thing is closer to the truth here. not so much regret over not asking her, because i did. but regret that things didn't work out, that this woman who floored me didn't end up with me.

and i think regret breeds self pity. the thought that "she could have made my life better" - my life is fine, but you think it could have been better.

so basically i think i got sucked into this fantasy-type thinking and future looking.

your responses have got me thinking that all things pass with time and as you come back to the present, and present like thinking, the hold a woman like this has over your thoughts disappear.

so in due time ill forget she even existed.

J

 

[Chrispy]

joekerr31, maybe the word is dreaming, in the sense that you imagine that it could have been something perfect, but you don't know that because you never went out with her.

We all think that, and the reality is that after you've gone out you realize that she's not that great.

In your case, she turned you down because she was seeing someone else...the 'maybe no' case. I have heard of stories where a guy ends up with someone he met while she was with someone, but then they broke up. As such, you should only keep it in the back burner and keep on 'spinning other plates!'