When is it *really* time to move on...?

[Chamber36]

As I just previously posted.

Me and my apparantly obnoxious girlfriend had gotten into another quiff.

In these matters, my ideology had always been that when something doesn't work out - that it would be my own fault. Like trying to train a dog. No matter how damaged, traumatized or fearful the dog may be, if you are a skilled dog whisperer, you ought to be able to get the dog into a calm and submissive state.

Throughout the relationship, I had slowly strayed from this frame. Instead of simply seeing every problem as a mere "****-test", I had started to give more credence to the females complaints, and tried my best to comfort her, all the while being manipulated into acquiescing to her frame.

What gave me this insight is just a short reading of Heartiste's blog. It's almost pure poetry, what I read on Heartiste sometimes.

I had come to realise that what had attracted the girl to me in the first place was my nonchalance - my indifference. It was about her winning me over. I can remember my first date. Her body turned towards mine, me sitting with my arms crossed. I remember her and the waitress discretely communicating that I was acting 'distant'. Well of course I was distant. I barely knew the girl. Also, I was just being myself. That's just my personality. I'm a waiting type of person. Maybe when we find something interesting to talk about, then I might become more animated. Until then, I'll just remain in my meditative state, and enjoy my beer. She asked me what was wrong, I told her "I just came from the gym, so I'm just chilling".

Those days are long gone now, my friends. Whenever we have an argument. She is either texting me some ad hominem accusations, and then after a few days, weeks or months I would contact her again, looking for some type of reconciliation.

My problem is that I am too willing to acquiesce to her. The only way to bring any fun into the relationship - if that is at all possible - is to act as though the relationship previously never existed.

I don't know why I keep returning to this girl. No doubt it'll end in a ****storm over and over and over and over again until it's all done. All the while, I have to choose between loneliness and childlike tantrums. I have acquiesced too much. Times like these are good for reflection.

I'd like to keep her around, just for fvcking purposes until I find a better girl. Although I am super paranoid every time I fvck her in the pvssy, even if I don't finish inside of the pvssy. It's just such a hot mess lol.

Seems like it's TIME TO MOVE ON !! eh! I know. But what am I to move on to? Masturbation, prostitutes and ONS's? Sounds like every bachelors dream, I know. But I am just bored out of my mind half the time.

Let me know what you guys think.

 

[devilkingx2]

when she loses interest it's over and you should go bang her sister

 

[bigneil]

It's not over until she says "I do not want to go out with you". Unless she says that, just keep being playfully romantic and planning fun events.

 

[bigneil]

As I just previously posted.

Me and my apparantly obnoxious girlfriend had gotten into another quiff.

In these matters, my ideology had always been that when something doesn't work out - that it would be my own fault. Like trying to train a dog. No matter how damaged, traumatized or fearful the dog may be, if you are a skilled dog whisperer, you ought to be able to get the dog into a calm and submissive state.

Throughout the relationship, I had slowly strayed from this frame. Instead of simply seeing every problem as a mere "****-test", I had started to give more credence to the females complaints, and tried my best to comfort her, all the while being manipulated into acquiescing to her frame.

What gave me this insight is just a short reading of Heartiste's blog. It's almost pure poetry, what I read on Heartiste sometimes.

I had come to realise that what had attracted the girl to me in the first place was my nonchalance - my indifference. It was about her winning me over. I can remember my first date. Her body turned towards mine, me sitting with my arms crossed. I remember her and the waitress discretely communicating that I was acting 'distant'. Well of course I was distant. I barely knew the girl. Also, I was just being myself. That's just my personality. I'm a waiting type of person. Maybe when we find something interesting to talk about, then I might become more animated. Until then, I'll just remain in my meditative state, and enjoy my beer. She asked me what was wrong, I told her "I just came from the gym, so I'm just chilling".

Those days are long gone now, my friends. Whenever we have an argument. She is either texting me some ad hominem accusations, and then after a few days, weeks or months I would contact her again, looking for some type of reconciliation.

My problem is that I am too willing to acquiesce to her. The only way to bring any fun into the relationship - if that is at all possible - is to act as though the relationship previously never existed.

I don't know why I keep returning to this girl. No doubt it'll end in a ****storm over and over and over and over again until it's all done. All the while, I have to choose between loneliness and childlike tantrums. I have acquiesced too much. Times like these are good for reflection.

I'd like to keep her around, just for fvcking purposes until I find a better girl. Although I am super paranoid every time I fvck her in the pvssy, even if I don't finish inside of the pvssy. It's just such a hot mess lol.

Seems like it's TIME TO MOVE ON !! eh! I know. But what am I to move on to? Masturbation, prostitutes and ONS's? Sounds like every bachelors dream, I know. But I am just bored out of my mind half the time.

Let me know what you guys think.

Your mistakes in bold.

You never argue with a woman. You walk away until she reels you back. If she doesn't, she never hears from you again.

 

[SkrooU]

You make the mistake most men do - you gave a sh!t.
You have to be consistent and independent and pretend to give a damn, but not really give a damn. She knows the difference. Gives a damn? Weak. Pretends to give a damn? Strong confident male.
When you give a sh!t, you fvck up.

Stop caring. Feel liberated with your new attitude. If she has enough interest level left, shell behave better. If not, then just end it and pick up some plates. No need to go to prostitutes. Gross man. Gross.

 

[wifehunter]

Your mistakes in bold.

You never argue with a woman. You walk away until she reels you back. If she doesn't, she never hears from you again.

You nailed it!!!

I couldn't of said it better!

 

[ubercat]

You might also need to learn to be comfortable in your own skin. You haven't finished with one woman and you're thinking about the next. They are easy to come by and just not that important

 

[GT40]

You nailed it!!!

I couldn't of said it better!

Yup. 100 percent.

 

[sazc]

You didn't give many details but - is this chick abusive (emotional, physical, verbal)? If the answer is yes, you NEED to get away. Did you ever think maybe you need some *you* tie to chill and figure out WTF, why/how did this get so out of control?

One time, during a bad relationship, I came to the realization that PEACE was better than the BS I was living thru at that moment. you really want to be tied to miserable the rest of your life?

IMO you need to get away, chill, regroup, focus on you and then get back out there. The longer you are with this woman, the more time you are going to waste not finding a female who will be good to you.

 

[wifehunter]

You didn't give many details but - is this chick abusive (emotional, physical, verbal)? If the answer is yes, you NEED to get away. Did you ever think maybe you need some *you* tie to chill and figure out WTF, why/how did this get so out of control?

One time, during a bad relationship, I came to the realization that PEACE was better than the BS I was living thru at that moment. you really want to be tied to miserable the rest of your life?

IMO you need to get away, chill, regroup, focus on you and then get back out there. The longer you are with this woman, the more time you are going to waste not finding a female who will be good to you.

Yes, a happy place. Find it!!!

 

[Chamber36]

You didn't give many details but - is this chick abusive (emotional, physical, verbal)? If the answer is yes, you NEED to get away. Did you ever think maybe you need some *you* tie to chill and figure out WTF, why/how did this get so out of control?

One time, during a bad relationship, I came to the realization that PEACE was better than the BS I was living thru at that moment. you really want to be tied to miserable the rest of your life?

IMO you need to get away, chill, regroup, focus on you and then get back out there. The longer you are with this woman, the more time you are going to waste not finding a female who will be good to you.

Ya she's pretty bad...

I hate her, but I wanna fvck her.

She's asked me things like: "why don't you have a sense of self-worth?",

Told me: "With all the time you spend in the gym I don't see any muscles on your body",

Just last week she was like: "You're not motivated in life, what do you have to offer?"

Really incredibly exhausting. I feel like I need therapy whenever we break up, just to recover.

The worst part is how she'll chip away at my pride or my identity or whatever, by constantly telling me that I'm not seeing it from her perspective. When all I want is that she could just please give me a concrete example of what she wants. In moments like those I can't see the forest through the trees.

If I disappoint her and hurt her feelings, she will feel vindicated because all her little doubts in the back of her mind were proven correct, and that proves that she's such an enlightened individual. "She was right all along!!".

I'm still glad my friend helped me to redeem most of my dignity though. It felt exhilerating texting her things like: "I'm pretty scared of a disease so in the future let's use a condom" and even better texts than that, but I can't translate those into english.

The only way for me to really come out as the dominant one though, I'd practically have to punch her in the liver.

 

[Desdinova]

I had come to realise that what had attracted the girl to me in the first place was my nonchalance - my indifference. It was about her winning me over

One thing I learned the hard way is that women not only love to be winners when it comes to getting a man they want, they can be extremely competitive. For some women, winning becomes more important than the man they're trying to win. Once these women have what they want, they give up on treating the man like a companion and treat him like a trophy that annoyingly keeps falling off the dusty shelf.

I'd like to keep her around, just for fvcking purposes until I find a better girl.

There comes a point where ANY woman is better. A blank slate is always better than one that's full of hateful and negative things written in permanent ink.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

One thing I learned the hard way is that women not only love to be winners when it comes to getting a man they want, they can be extremely competitive. For some women, winning becomes more important than the man they're trying to win. Once these women have what they want, they give up on treating the man like a companion and treat him like a trophy that annoyingly keeps falling off the dusty shelf.

I had a mistress when I got divorced 14 years ago. I didn't realize that internally she had a competition against my wife. We phvcked 3 times a day for years, it got better every single time. She cooked for me, she supported me. Finally I made a decision, I was tired of hurting my wife and left for the mistress. I end up marrying her, but as soon as the ink dried on the marriage license she turned on me. Competition was over, and there was no one left to beat, except ME!

Yes women are way more competitive than you think, and a smart man would use this to his advantage. Even in monogamous relationships, competition can raise the temperature and add spice.

There comes a point where ANY woman is better. A blank slate is always better than one that's full of hateful and negative things written in permanent ink.

Yes.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

They use logic illogically, that is their weapon.

This is one of the truest things I have ever heard. It basically describes the female rationality system.

 

[sazc]

@Chamber36 She's miserable, you're miserable. If she thinks so little of you, you should tell her you are going to do her a favor and end the relationship.

If that isn't an option at the moment then, the next time she starts to put you down, you need to take control and tell her you will not be spoken to that way. You need to let her know that you will not sit there while she assassinates your character and, if she doesn't stop immediately, you are going to hang up the phone, leave the room, leave the house (whatever works for the moment) and then, if you end up leaving, go no contact for 2-3 days to let her know you are serious.

The one thing you have to realize, if you are going to stay with her, you have to start taking steps to change the dynamic of the relationship.

She thinks she's going to nag you into 'changing'. She's an idiot for thinking that. It's never going to end unless you make it end. There are a few things she needs to do in order for this situation to end. She needs to identify WTF it is she is so upset about (the real sh1t, not the generalities she nags you about) and she then needs to learn how to sit down and communicate these issues to you, like a human being.

Long story short, if you arent the man she thought you were, or if she sees herself with someone different - that's okay - but she needs to go find that man and stop making your life so miserable. Maybe all those things she says are true, who knows. You are who you are. Nagging the sh1t out of you isnt going to change who you are. If you are happy with who you are then she needs to love and accept you or GTFO.

 

[Chamber36]

Wow.

Thanks for the understanding responses guys.

Reading all of your responses in one go is pretty heavy. It helps me to see it from a fresh perspective. I remember seeing my cousin treating a guy that way and telling him her behavior was retarded and he should in no way accept it from her, that he was better off walking away. Never thought I myself would one day be in the same situation. I suppose it takes a long time for a man to gradually slip into such a situation.... such a state of placation. It angers me to think that I have even let this happen. My 20 yr old self certainly didn't see it coming! Lol.

I'm off to have a shot of gin now with my buddy. Thanks again for the clear responses.

By the way I am rid of the girl now.

I'll read up on all the narc traits tomorrow and make sure I don't fall for them again. Also I've got a friend I can ask for extra info.

 

[Chamber36]

Update!!

I was NC for 2 weeks and she ended up texting 2 days ago and calling me today.
Said she wanted to talk to me face to face. I said no.
Said she doesnt want me working in the bar. I said I want to reserve the right to work in the bar.
Asked me if I slept with anyone else. I said no.
I told her we can work things out, but if we argue I'm out of there.
She said ok.

So we're meeting friday and I'm going to use a condom if we fvck. If there's any problems I'm bailing.

It's gonna be hard to keep this girl at arms length. I already know that if I use Clint Eastwood lonesome cowboy game on her, that she will nag me. It'll be a bit of a balancing act between reassuring her that I'll stay with her and keeping my distance. Though I have the idea that's how all relationships work with girls that have issues.

She's older than me, so any mind-games she wants to play, the only way for me to win is not to engage in them and keep some distance. Only that way can I really keep my mind sharp and my pimp hand strong. Gotta remember all the things that I've learned from her in the past and apply the knowledge in order to retain the upper hand.

 

[sazc]

I think everyone can empathize with you not wanting to start all over again. Hopefully she now understands you are who you are, and accepts the relationship as it is. If that's not the case then prepare yourself to fall back into the same ol patterns. You're going need to be smart and shut that sh!t down before it gets out of control, if you have any hope of things being different this time. And she's going to have to be on board with all the growth. Patterns are hard pressed and difficult to change. Good luck.

 

[TheCuckSlayer]

OP...if I were your best friend, and I was telling you about my gf, and the very first thing I told you about her is that she's "obnoxious", what would you think?

This is toxic. You don't have to fill the void of dumping her with women or sex-related things; focus on your career, working out, friends, family, other things you love and enjoy. Take your manhood and your own life back. Don't sell your pride for the opportunity to raw-dog her a couple more times.

 

[Chamber36]

Ya its fine lol.

She called me like 2 hours after the phone call crying and saying I wasn't giving her emotional support.
I told her to calm the fvck down and I'll see her friday. Didn't work. She won't calm down.
Then I read the comments, laughed my ass off, and when she called me back I just lost patience and hung up on her.

Also read this article a few days ago: https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2013/12/27/gaming-crazy-chicks/

Luckily I have a sociopathic friend who's showing me some of his skills. He told his girlfriend "I'll fix your fvcked up brain with one fvck", etc, etc. The point is to somehow break those bitches down, so they reject their own thoughts and simply accept yours. You have to let them know that they're crazy. And that they should simply listen to you.

Of course that's very hard to pull off. I don't think I can handle this tigress of a b*tch. She's too cunning!

Also, she'll text me retarded projections which have no basis in reality and i dont like it.

I'm just gonna let her go I suppose. I'll let u guys know.