when is it enough?

[ChrisMD]

when is it enough? (for married guys)

Hi Guys,

This is my first post, but I have been a lurker for a while now. I think this topic is most appropriate for the mature man forum. For those guys who ARE married, what made you decide to marry your wife?

Now before everybody attacks me for being an AFC, let me just say that I have dated many women over the years and usually traded them in after a period in search of hotter girls. But when is enough enough? This one girl, for example, I broke up with about 6 months ago was great -- we got along well, liked to do the same things, were compatible sexually, etc. But after 1.5 years, I decided that I could find a hotter girl and so I broke up with her. Since then I've dated/hooked up with other girls, but I still think back to this one. I don't want to just continue on like this forever.

I guess what I am really asking is what is really important to a marriage?

Thanks!

 

[Demodulate]

ive never been married, but i find myself cutting girls loose all the time... I did find a girl that I thought I would marry many years ago, but she broke it off with me, and then months later tried to get back with me, but it was to late, i had moved on..

I guess what im trying to say is youll know when its the right person.

I havent found another girl ive felt that way for again... sometimes it kills me to think i never will, but i just keep dating people, hoping to one day rekindle that relationship.

dont worry about it man, just be excellent in your life and it will work out one day.

 

[pancakepalace]

Demodulates advice is good.

Be excellent in your life and it will work out.

I finally found one I really like and would definitely go LTR with. It took me many years after one I did love very much but didn't work out.

My advice is that if there is some doubt, then it probably isn't the right one.

I think you are doing the right thing, but spending 1.5 years with one you have doubts is too long. I wasted 3 years with a girl I knew wasn't the right one. Ah well, we all learn from experience.

good luck,
pancake

 

[BigDawg]

I'm divorced, but I can still think back to the reason I married her in the first place. Basically, she made me want to be a better man. Granted, after we got married, she showed her true colors and I had to get out of that situation.

After she was history, I eventually found another girl who made me feel the same way (but in no way reminded me of the witch I was married to). That relationship ended for other reasons (which I've mentioned in other threads), but it ended without any animosity or hatred or anger, nothing but genuine goodwill

Both of them easily rated 8.5 or higher on my scale, although by the time my divorce was final, I couldn't see the beauty in my ex-wife. All I could see was the anger and immaturity. On the other hand, my ex-gf and I stay in touch from time to time, not that I have any illusions of rekindling something with her. But it's nice to have someone in your corner when it feels like everyone else is against you.

In between my major relationships, I dated a few women, who, for all other qualities they possessed, just didn't do it for me, and I got bored with them. There were never any hard feelings, mostly because it never got serious.

Some of these women were really hot, too. But what made the difference between the ones that led to LTRs and the ones that just fizzled was mostly how they made me feel. Like I said, when a woman makes you want to be a better man, and she supports you (and all that other good stuff), then you've found a potential keeper.

I think men who are honest with themselves come to this realization and it comes in an incredible moment of clarity.

 

[Chrispy]

BigDawg, was there any way you could have known her true colors <i>before</b> you got married?
Lately, I've been seeing true colors well ahead of time so I am hoping I don't suffer the true colors after marriage as well!

 

[BigDawg]

Chrispy,
As a matter of fact, I suspected her true colors before we got married, but I foolishly chose to ignore them, mostly as a result of my own insecurities and generally chumpish behavior. I thought (at that time) that no matter what problem arose, we'd be able to handle it. For a while, this was true, and life was good. But ultimately, I fooled myself, and I let her dupe me as well.

One of the major lessons I learned through all of this is: Don't lie to yourself. Or, as Wm. Shakespeare put it, "Always to thine own self be true."