RestUnknown
Don Juan
- Joined
- Mar 21, 2016
- Messages
- 144
- Reaction score
- 20
- Age
- 37
Went to the doctor today due to some red spots on my skin that won't go away. Long story short, it might turn out to be skin cancer.
I've read so many stuff about becoming a Don Juan, that practically everywhere they said that to be able to make that click in your mind, you need to loose everything in your life or go through a very hard time.
Well I can tell that I'm currently going through a very hard time, but the click still didn't came. My recent threads show that I'm again at a very low point emotionally. Things started out great with a new co-worker, but the last weeks I just avoid her, ignore her, don't say anything just to get her attention and lo and behold, like every other girl, she moves on.
She once even texted me out of the blue, which for me was a high point because this had never happened to me before with a HB9. Now, even though I just got that diagnosis, it shows how emotionally f*cked I am that I'm still thinking of her. Of why she doesn't text me anymore (well I know the reasons of course, but still hoping for that "why don't you talk to me anymore"). In fact, this diagnosis gives me more reason to just don't speak to her as "I have an excuse".
Of course many people say you can grow stronger out of this, but I don't see it. I've never worked this way. Skin cancer for me is equal to a life that won't last that long anymore. And I guess the thing "as you think you shall become", is very true. I've been scared of skin cancer for many years as I've had a reckless youth with the sun and not using any sun bathing creme (just to look good for the woman, never got me any results btw). Besides that, my main thoughts are that no girl would want me, I'm ugly, I have no confidence, no self esteem. It's all coming true. But I can't think myself positive.
Now this is just a thread to get it of my chest as I currently need it. Even though I want to come out of this stronger, I honestly don't see a way anymore. I've tried so hard, but my mind just doesn't want to co-operate.
Apologies for the emo crap.
I've read so many stuff about becoming a Don Juan, that practically everywhere they said that to be able to make that click in your mind, you need to loose everything in your life or go through a very hard time.
Well I can tell that I'm currently going through a very hard time, but the click still didn't came. My recent threads show that I'm again at a very low point emotionally. Things started out great with a new co-worker, but the last weeks I just avoid her, ignore her, don't say anything just to get her attention and lo and behold, like every other girl, she moves on.
She once even texted me out of the blue, which for me was a high point because this had never happened to me before with a HB9. Now, even though I just got that diagnosis, it shows how emotionally f*cked I am that I'm still thinking of her. Of why she doesn't text me anymore (well I know the reasons of course, but still hoping for that "why don't you talk to me anymore"). In fact, this diagnosis gives me more reason to just don't speak to her as "I have an excuse".
Of course many people say you can grow stronger out of this, but I don't see it. I've never worked this way. Skin cancer for me is equal to a life that won't last that long anymore. And I guess the thing "as you think you shall become", is very true. I've been scared of skin cancer for many years as I've had a reckless youth with the sun and not using any sun bathing creme (just to look good for the woman, never got me any results btw). Besides that, my main thoughts are that no girl would want me, I'm ugly, I have no confidence, no self esteem. It's all coming true. But I can't think myself positive.
Now this is just a thread to get it of my chest as I currently need it. Even though I want to come out of this stronger, I honestly don't see a way anymore. I've tried so hard, but my mind just doesn't want to co-operate.
Apologies for the emo crap.