When do high standards become unrealistic?

[Double J]

I have to be honest. Before finding this website, I was AFC in the sense that I would go for almost any girl that should even minimal interest. Things have changed. I think I've raised the bar a whole lot. I have to be attracted to any girl I consider getting involved with, and she has to be intelligent and capable of carrying a meaningful conversation. She also has to care about her appearance; if she's a slob, why bother?

My question is this: I know you guys talk about high standards being a good thing, but when do you know that you're being a little bit too picky? Would only going for a certain type of girl (blonde, petite, thick, etc.) be simply too shallow?

 

[spidersense]

I know you guys talk about high standards being a good thing, but when do you know that you're being a little bit too picky? Would only going for a certain type of girl (blonde, petite, thick, etc.) be simply too shallow?

Your standards are too high if you can't meet ANY WOMEN AT ALL that meet those standards. If you live in a fairly populated area, you more than likely will find tons of women that meet your standards. Yes, in my eyes going for just blonde, brunettes or petites or whatever is shallow, but that's just my opinion. You're you, you do what you want to do. You will generally find that women won't have any problem with you being who you want to be liking the things that you like.

 

[sfalexi]

My question is this: I know you guys talk about high standards being a good thing, but when do you know that you're being a little bit too picky?

Probably about the same time you start asking yourself this . . .

The way I look at it is, I'm not gonna wait for the PERFECT woman. I'm gonna find a woman that's pretty good. And if I decide to stay in a LTR, gradually work with her to turn her INTO my perfect woman.

Alexi

 

[spidersense]

Originally posted by sfalexi
gradually work with her to turn her INTO my perfect woman.

Alexi

why would you want to do that? that sounds rediculous and mean to me. there is some guy out that that this woman is perfect for. you're going to change her into someone she's not and then there is no garantee that you will be together forever.
no, no no no. I totally disagree with that.
for another thing, I know that any woman that I COULD actually change has a low self-esteem and is uncomfortable that I will like her for WHO SHE IS. I don't want those women.
No, Double J, have the standards you want. Like I said before, I believe the not wanting blondes or whatever thing is shallow, but if that's you, then do that. Have whatever standards you want as long as you don't live in a two horse town in the middle of Bum F**k Egypt somewhere. And if you do, then you may want to move.

 

[SpeedRunner]

Originally posted by sfalexi
Probably about the same time you start asking yourself this . . .

The way I look at it is, I'm not gonna wait for the PERFECT woman. I'm gonna find a woman that's pretty good. And if I decide to stay in a LTR, gradually work with her to turn her INTO my perfect woman.

Alexi

waste of time

 

[sfalexi]

This is what I mean in more detail.

We all want someone perfect. With the same likes/dislikes. Someone that'll share our hobbies. Someone that'll be there when we need them, and yet give us space when we need it. Do you think you're just gonna wait until you find the girl that magically has all these traits and the same mindset as you and is also hot and you're perfect measurements etc. etc.? If you plan on just waiting for that, you're retarded. Cause it doesn't exist.

there is some guy out that that this woman is perfect for.

False. No such thing as 'the perfect one' for you or anyone else. Relationships are all about comprimise. You find me ONE person who hasn't ever had to make a change or compramise in a relationship. Doesn't happen. Because relationships are FILLED with comprimises. Some small, some big.

I know that any woman that I COULD actually change has a low self-esteem and is uncomfortable that I will like her for WHO SHE IS. I don't want those women.

Scenario: Let's say that you're dating someone. And it's a really good long-term relationship. She buys you a fitted T-shirt from Banana Republic one day. You put it on, and she says, "Wow. That looks really nice on you! You should wear stuff like that more often instead of T-shirts." What do you do? Do you CHANGE your clothing style for her because it's a good relationship and you want to please her and it's something really stupid anyway? Or do you think, "Man. I'm debating wearing a different style of clothing for this woman. I must have low self-esteem . . ." No. You get some more. Cause it makes her happy, and it's no big friggin' deal. And guess what . . . she's just made you one step closer into her 'perfect' man.

Scenario: You find a girl. She's pretty cool. Great time hanging out, pretty, funny, the works. However you're into mountain biking. And whenever you leave to go mountiain biking she says, "Allright. I'll see you later then." Do you leave it at that and assume that since she doesn't share your passion for biking that she's not the 'perfect woman' for you and give up the relationship in search of someone just like her, but with the added bonus of liking biking? Or do you say, "Hey, why don't you come out with me? I think you'd like it and it's more fun with two people out there." If she says yes, and she enjoys it, then guess what . . . you've made her one more step towards being your perfect woman.

Guys, do you not see where I'm going by now? There ISN'T going to be a girl that is your perfect match. For SOME reason. But there's NO HARM whatsoever in landing a good one and trying to make her closer to the perfect match for you (or vice-versa). And if you're content to wait around for the 'perfect match', you're gonna be waiting a long-ass time.

There's no harm in trying to change something about her so long as she's open to changing it. It doesn't make her weak-minded, it doesn't mean she has low self-esteem. It means that she likes you, and wants to please you, and doesn't mind trying out new stuff FOR YOU.

Compramise. What LTRs are all about.

Alexi

 

[spidersense]

no, I don't change the way I dress or look for a women, at ALL they need to like me for WHO I AM. I am in control of this reality, not them. This Is My Reality. I have the power, not them. changing for them, I see as supplication, even if it's something so small as the way you dress. I wear what I want to wear and what I like. period.

 

[spidersense]

Originally posted by sfalexi

Compramise. What LTRs are all about.

Alexi

first) there is a great work book for bad spelling, it's called a dictionary
second) compromise is what it's all about if you're a total wussbag. Women want a man that's dominant, that is engrained in all women into their genes. "this is on my terms" that's what they want.

 

[sfalexi]

no, I don't change the way I dress or look for a women, at ALL they need to like me for WHO I AM. I am in control of this reality, not them. This Is My Reality. I have the power, not them. changing for them, I see as supplication, even if it's something so small as the way you dress. I wear what I want to wear and what I like. period.

Remember this post. And after you found a longterm partner, think and see if you can honestly say that you didn't compromise anything, or give in to any of her requests to make her happy.

first) there is a great work book for bad spelling, it's called a dictionary

Why do people find it necessary to point out stupid errors like this? Don't worry about the grammer/punctuation, worry about message that it encompasses.

 

[sfalexi]

BTW, before you go pointing out people's spelling errors and trying to use those typos to make them look like they don't know what they're talking about, check your own posts.

And now, to sink as low as you did,

why would you want to do that? that sounds rediculous and mean to me.

first) there is a great work book for bad spelling, it's called a dictionary

Maybe you should take a look at that book yourself, Webster.

Sorry. This whole fighting back and forth over something as stupid as grammer is just plain 'rediculous'.

Seriously. Can you now be normal and pay attention to the message, not the words?

Alexi