When do boys link their self esteem to women

[Pandora]

6stringer made a really interesting post in the DJ disscusion forum about not linking your self esteem to females. This got me thinking. When in life does a boy start to use womens preferences as an objective measure of his worth. If you think about it, this is a horrible way to measure your worth. Have you ever known a women with good taste in movies, music, politics etc. Only a few do. So what causes us to link our self esteem to what some airhead slu* thinks. Is it the media, movies, our mothers, nature, evolution etc..

 

[bmp2cpm]

6stringer made a really interesting post in the DJ disscusion forum about not linking your self esteem to females. This got me thinking. When in life does a boy start to use womens preferences as an objective measure of his worth. If you think about it, this is a horrible way to measure your worth. Have you ever known a women with good taste in movies, music, politics etc. Only a few do. So what causes us to link our self esteem to what some airhead slu* thinks. Is it the media, movies, our mothers, nature, evolution etc..

You certainly should not link your self esteem to an attractive woman. But many men can and do link their status, in part, to an attractive woman. It's one of many sex strategies that has been going on for about 2 million years or so.

From the Evolution of Desire by David Buss:

"Men are particularly concerned about status, reputation, and hierarchies because elevated rank has always been an important means of acquiring the resources that make men attractive to women......A person's status and resource holdings, however, often cannot be observed directly. They must instead be inferred from tangible characteristics. ...Experiments have documented the influence of attractive mates on men's social status. .....Men seek attractive women as mates not simply for their reproductive value but also as Signals of status to same-sex competitors and to other potential mates."

 

[zekko]

Men seek attractive women as mates not simply for their reproductive value but also as Signals of status to same-sex competitors and to other potential mates."

Boys probably start tying their self esteem to women shortly after they're old enough to mate. On this forum they tell you NOT to tie your self esteem to women, and that is excellent advice.

Nevertheless, there is an implication that the guys who do better with women, who get the hottest women, and have more women desiring them are superior. They are the "alphas" and "DJs", and the guys who don't do as well are the "betas" or the "AFCs". On other forums they might call guys who can't get women "Herberts" or "chodes". So while they SAY you shouldn't tie your self esteem to women, they are still giving more status to guys who get them.

 

[Alvafe]

when a boy start to link his worthy on woman? society and family, when you have auntie/uncle asking you so how is your GF or do you have one? plus media always selling love is marvelous thing in the world there is nothing better, pretty much where you look in some degree it do have a boy need girl and girl need boy. feminism push saying boys are lost without girls and girl don't need boys.

 

[speed dawg]

when a boy start to link his worthy on woman? society and family, when you have auntie/uncle asking you so how is your GF or do you have one? plus media always selling love is marvelous thing in the world there is nothing better, pretty much where you look in some degree it do have a boy need girl and girl need boy. feminism push saying boys are lost without girls and girl don't need boys.

^^ This.

Would be better if Alvafe could type proper English, but eh....

 

[dasein]

This is an interesting question, for me it was when I started getting boners when looking at women around puberty.

It took over 20 years to unlink my ego from women, didn't have a place like this. Have been very happy in life and in relating to women for 15 years since. Young men, don't mistake my repeats. Create yourself on something other than appealing to women, and ironically once you do, you will get more women.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

When do boys link their self esteem to women

Dasein just gave a great answer directly above.

I would only add that boys started linking their self-esteem to women whenever that subtle moment occurred when they started seeing girls (women) as being the PRIZE---and started seeing themselves as being mere COMPETITORS "for" the prize.

In particular, the downward spiral of ANY boy (or man's) self-esteem BEGINS the second he starts INFLATING the value of the woman and DEFLATING the value of himself.

The sad part is that the age at which this happens can actually sometimes be quite different depending on the man---and how solid his grasp of his own self-worth is.

We all have heard the stories of how big, famous, or even "great" men have fallen due to their inability to keep the true value of any given woman in the proper perspective. And unfortunately, MOST of us have "lived" this psycho-drama ourselves.


V.U.

 

[VladPatton]

I think as soon as your late teens people automatically link your manliness and alphaness to getting women, even if you don't. "Where's your gf?...you don't have one!??....Uh oh!!" and now the guy feels like shıt. Later, it's "Where's your wife and kids?...you don't have any!??....Double Uh oh!!"

So it's hard to win if you're inner game and self esteem isn't rock solid. Think for yourself, and fück linking success to women. Sir Isaac Newton was the most brilliant mind that ever walked planet Earth, and he never touched a woman sexually. An extreme case, yes, but that guy is far from being a looser.

Yeah, you don't have a wife and kids, but you can build an aircraft out of 2 boiler tanks and a Volkswagen engine, are you a chump? The guy with the model wife can't even hammer a nail, is he an alpha male?

 

[Mike32ct]

I think as soon as your late teens people automatically link your manliness and alphaness to getting women, even if you don't. "Where's your gf?...you don't have one!??....Uh oh!!" and now the guy feels like shıt. Later, it's "Where's your wife and kids?...you don't have any!??....Double Uh oh!!"

So it's hard to win if you're inner game and self esteem isn't rock solid. Think for yourself, and fück linking success to women. Sir Isaac Newton was the most brilliant mind that ever walked planet Earth, and he never touched a woman sexually. An extreme case, yes, but that guy is far from being a looser.

Yeah, you don't have a wife and kids, but you can build an aircraft out of 2 boiler tanks and a Volkswagen engine, are you a chump? The guy with the model wife can't even hammer a nail, is he an alpha male?

Very true.

 

[Zarky]

When do boys link their self esteem to women

When they're developing in a woman's womb.

 

[Stagger Lee]

I'd say when you hit puberty. And not just linking your self esteem to women but to being accepted by you're peers in general.

Outside of a few little crushes with a girl or a teacher pre-puberty, girls were annoying and insignificant. And other kids were either my friend, enemy or insignificant.

But when I hit puberty and my classmates started to as well, I noticed everyone became more self conscious and linked their self esteem to be approved by others and especially by girls. Then you had to have the right clothes, the right hair cut and style, etc or risked being considered a social outcast.