When disrespect ends a relationship

[Sega Genesis]

So you came to a point where you are "conciously" repress a physically violent man for a kind and good one, but you would like him to dominate you in bed, because of that experience you had with your mother? Are you finding that domination satysfing for you? What if He won't do that, would you search that by cheating or you'd be tempted to if you are in presence of a violent man?

Dude I think you read WAY too much into my response.

First off none of my partners were violent men, not sure where you got that. I drew the line at physical abuse I posted that.

Secondly, I took @Sophisticator meme as tongue-in-cheek and responded in kind (hence my haha).

But to answer your question, what happens in the bedroom is completely separate from outside the bedroom and yes I do find being dominated in the bedroom a turn on, it's a primal thing ... for me. For both of us!

As far as cheating, no. If my partner and I are not compatible in the bedroom than we break up.

The End.

 

[Sophisticator]

Secondly, I took @Sophisticator meme as tongue-in-cheek and responded in kind (hence my haha).

God no, I was deadly serious.

@jhonny9546, you don't need to pry in someone's sex life and make assumptions just because you perceive them as kinky. Frankly, my relationship with @Sega Genesis is none of your business.

 

[Divorced w 3]

It could be a double-edged sword: a person who does something wrong and then shows you that he has these qualities, could weaken you and make you become too compliant every time he makes a mistake. (This is the case of manipulative Borderlines who can go from witches to sweet Barbies depending on the moment)

That's where you get an opportunity to learn about yourself and grow.

Separate the person's goodness from their shortcomings; look at that situation and say, 'you may be a wonderful person 90% of the time, but in that 10% you're a liar, a manipulator, you push me to the edge and it's taking a toll on me, and I'm letting you go because you aren't willing to address it.'

Often times, a bad relationship like this, that gets inside your inner soul and emotional makeup, can be the ugly but necessary catalyst to help you find the flaws in your own self and if you're lucky, you do the work.

 

[jhonny9546]

'you may be a wonderful person 90% of the time, but in that 10% you're a liar, a manipulator, you push me to the edge and it's taking a toll on me, and I'm letting you go because you aren't willing to address it.'

Okay, this is exactly where I wanted to get to.
I am someone who explains to people why they made a mistake, but I don't want to be seen as someone who forces people to see it that way. (Impose my POV like an obligation).

What you write is correct, but for a healthy relationship and healthy communication, it should be rewritten from your perspective. If you feel manipulated, this makes you feel abused because this person has many virtues, and this flaw makes you feel that way. This could also be a virtue if this person became aware of it and worked on it.

How you present it makes a huge difference.
In my opinion, your version lacks the right communication.
It seems passive-aggressive, and that is what damaged girls often respond well to, but not the healthy ones.

What about saying this in the nonviolent comunication version? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent_Communication

 

[Sophisticator]

What about saying this in the nonviolent comunication version? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent_Communication

Just rewrite it in First Person:

'you may be a wonderful person 90% of the time, but in that 10% you're a liar, a manipulator, you push me to the edge and it's taking a toll on me, and I'm letting you go because you aren't willing to address it.'

'I am uncomfortable with your behaviour, I have told you what makes me upset, but I sense an unwillingness in you to address your issues. For my personal mental health, I have to step away from you and give you room to address this in your own time.'

You don't have to tell a liar and manipulator that they lie and manipulate. They know already. You choose to stay away from negative people so you can keep your own mental health in a good shape. That's it, you're not obligated in any way to be around negative people.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Just rewrite it in First Person:

'I am uncomfortable with your behaviour, I have told you what makes me upset, but I sense an unwillingness in you to address your issues. For my personal mental health, I have to step away from you and give you room to address this in your own time.'

You don't have to tell a liar and manipulator that they lie and manipulate. They know already. You choose to stay away from negative people so you can keep your own mental health in a good shape. That's it, you're not obligated in any way to be around negative people.

That’s a great rewrite.

 

[Sega Genesis]

I was always taught that when communicating negative feelings, it's best to use "I feel" comments versus "YOU made me feel" or "YOU are [fill in the blank]".

"I feel manipulated when ....."

"I feel hurt when ...."

"I feel pushed to the edge when ...."

However being realistic, in the heat of an argument when emotions are running high, it's not always so easy to think rationally enough to react so "politically correctly." For both people!

And does it really matter? In my experience whether I said "I feel manipulated" or "You are a manipulator" he still felt criticized either way!

I dunno why not just say how you feel? Be real.

Have it out and deal with it.

 

[Barrister]

OP,

What you are describing is a Cluster B Narcissist type of behavior. Typically, they are love-bombers in early stage dating. Once they get a foothold (moving in, getting pregnant, getting a ring, having the baby, etc.), the behavior immediately changes to one of extreme criticism/ridicule. Suddenly, you as the man can do nothing right in her eyes and she will let you know about it. If you try to reason with her, you are derided further. Once you hit this point with the narcissist, you are past the point of no return as far as having an enjoyable relationship.

If you threaten to end things (i.e. using "dread game"), you can typically rein them back in a bit at least for a temporary time. But it doesn't last. Unfortunately, the only remedy to these types is to axe them and move on to the next. I am sure a lot of us (me included) have experienced this before. You simply need to move on and not waste time.

 

[BeExcellent]

One thing @jhonny9546 that I notice as a trend in your content is that you tend to utilize and refer to sweeping generalizations about women as though they are objectively true.

You'll say things like, "Well you are a woman and women are emotional not logical......" and you'll try and use those generalizations to attempt to invalidate something on that basis.

This is not only lazy, but it is false logic. It is a false logic that arises from your belief system (Belief: Women are always emotional and never logical).

This belief system blinds you to reality and means a logical, well reasoned woman will run circles around you before you realize it - all because your belief system holds you as 'superior'.

Generalizations exist because they bear out as often true; but they are not always true. Take the time & make the effort to assess the individual rather than rely on your belief system.

 

[New_Journey]

yes I do find being dominated in the bedroom a turn on, it's a primal thing ... for me. For both of us!

Hummm a woman saying this and its how actually is in relationships? Are you an older male member posing as a female?

I am someone who explains to people why they made a mistake

For women if she made a mistake you let them, because I imagine you talk about the mistakes she makes with you, because if she makes a mistake regarding to her life, you are trying to save her to not do that again like a White Knight.

damaged girls often respond well to, but not the healthy ones.

This is fallacy, all girls are somewhat damaged, no girl is 100% healthy, even your girl has some damaged, there are no unicorns even if you think you found one.

'I am uncomfortable with your behaviour, I have told you what makes me upset, but I sense an unwillingness in you to address your issues. For my personal mental health, I have to step away from you and give you room to address this in your own time.'

That doesn't sound masculine and you gives too much explanation, in my humble opinion.

I told you in the past I won't tolerate this behavior. Wish you the best.

There fixed it for you.

I was always taught that when communicating negative feelings, it's best to use "I feel" comments versus "YOU made me feel"

Exactly, nobody is responsible for nobody's emotions.

OP,

What you are describing is a Cluster B Narcissist type of behavior. Typically, they are love-bombers in early stage dating. Once they get a foothold (moving in, getting pregnant, getting a ring, having the baby, etc.), the behavior immediately changes to one of extreme criticism/ridicule. Suddenly, you as the man can do nothing right in her eyes and she will let you know about it. If you try to reason with her, you are derided further. Once you hit this point with the narcissist, you are past the point of no return as far as having an enjoyable relationship.

True, but there is more. That happens when they guy is weak and doesn't have any boundaries, he accepts everything and the woman only wants him to get something.

If you threaten to end things (i.e. using "dread game"), you can typically rein them back in a bit at least for a temporary time. But it doesn't last. Unfortunately, the only remedy to these types is to axe them and move on to the next. I am sure a lot of us (me included) have experienced this before. You simply need to move on and not waste time.

That's because the guy "uses dread game" as a technique, not as a real change in his shortcomings that allowed it to happen in the first place. Read Dread by Rian Stone, he says men use it as a parlor trick, but then men revert back to the puzzy beta he is, and the woman starts disrespecting him again.

Unfortunately, the only remedy to these types is to axe them and move on to the next.

This is true, but its not the same to tell a guy who is married with a baby and a mortgage, "move on bro, don't worry about it, on to the next" than telling a guy only with a girlfriend.

Also, when guys move on to the next one, they don't know what hey did or he acted to attract that kind of women and allowing him to get advantage of, if he doesn't work to prevent that from happening he will be repeating the same things in the next relationships.

When men and women say the opposite sex are the same, its because they are attracting the same kind of people because they haven't worked on their issues and get better quality partner. It happens all the time.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Hummm a woman saying this and its how actually is in relationships? Are you an older male member posing as a female?

Lol no @New_Journey I meant "primal" as:

Primal sexuality refers to accessing one's deepest sexual self, the most basic and powerful sexual feelings.

And this:

Primal sex is honest sex.
Personally what I like most about primal play is that it’s an opportunity for all masks to fall away. Instead of concerning yourselves with a certain sort of sex act or getting each other off, you each revel in whatever feels natural and good.

Hope that clarifies.

 

[jhonny9546]

For women if she made a mistake you let them

How do you treath her mistakes?

Primal sex is honest sex.

When you enter the flow state.
You forget everything and just think about doing.

I don't know about this, but do women get turned on when men are angry or furious and raise their voices, or are they just afraid?