When can WANTING be confused with NEEDING????....

[jackmode211]

whats up folks.....i been on sites similiar to this site forever (longer than i care to admit considering some of the mistakes ive made...i found becomeaplayer.com when i was a freshmen in high school....and i graduated in 05).....while this sites philosphy is a little diffrent(the player and the don juan) and learned a lot....(but ive learned a lot more in the past month than i have in the past 6 years....because i went on my first date 2 sundays ago, my second date last sunday, which was also the same time as my first kiss(not iniated by me((stupid me))....she later txted that next time we chill she wants me to do something i havent done before....basicly make the moves....and be more agressive....because frankly im supposed to...

after realising this and reading "the book of pook"...(brilliant) I am more than willing to be more agressive....im pretty sure im going into this with the right mindset...

....im not hung up on the girl.....shes cool....but what i want out of seeing her on these dates more than anything is expirence and to learn....

so far shes done most of the initiating....and she shouldent have to...period...and im in the right mindset now to fix that....i now see things they way the should be....thats not the problem....

i WANT to see this girl because i already have some rapport....something ive NEVER had with any girl...so naturally i want to move FORWARD with my learning expirence...i want to learn by expirence when to kiss her/use kino on her/how to talk to her....

at the same time i dont want to come off NEEDY because i call her to try to set up another date...i dont want my NEED to learn to come off as NEED for her....

....ive already been one girls pet...and it will NEVER EVER happen again...i do not consider myself an AFC.....i belive im at the point where im an RAFC (recovering)....i belive i have the right mindset.....this time its about learning.....not the girl....how do i show that i want to see her...without appearing needy????

also what kinda hints will a woman give you when shes not attracted or not interested???

 

[VashStampede]

"the book of pook"... Where can i get that? ^_^ I am always looking for new material to analyze and test.

Thanks

for hints on whether a girl is attracted or not, you need only to look at her body language and eyes.

If a girl is not attracted to you, her pupils will not be dilated, she will try to downplay her femininity. she will face her body or feet away from you. She will move away from you when you enter her personal space.

 

[Randallpink83]

Its all about being confident, having a strong frame of mind, and ultimately loving yourself (which is where true confidence stems from i think)...

But first off, having the strong frame of mind... I mean that as in Wanting something and believing its ok to want it, and believing you deserve it. You want her, thats your mindset, for whatever reason she has sparked something in you and you desire her. Thats why I love Women so much, so much to find desirable about them.

Now to the loving yourself. I know that sounds weird huh? love yourself... I mean, that of all people you should have unconditional love for yourself. Like could you imagine if you truly had love for yourself like you did a family member or someone really close? Could you imagine the confidence that would bring?
You would be happy, forgiving of yourself, hopeful and optimistic, and you would always be with a friend.
Now how that applies to this situation... This is how you can separate WANT from NEED. You don't need her. Sure she is a woman! You believe it would be fun to hang out with her, share moments and of course feel the physical pleasures with her... But you don't NEED her cause you love yourself. Doesn't matter if she is there or not, you are already with yourself, someone you can relax with, experience life with, have fun and be forgiving with.
And naturally you are confident about how you feel with all this.



You want to watch a movie... You think, man I would really like her to watch it with me, it would be so much more enjoyable to share it with someone. But if she doesn't, thats ok. You can enjoy things alone, your own mind is a friend, you can laugh at the funny parts for what they are still.

You want a wife... If I never got married, thats ok, I would live my life how I see fit and I would still be happy satisfying my dreams. But I want a woman to stand by my side someday. Someone to share my life's experiences with.

You want sex.... (umm this could go over badly lol... NOTE: Do NOT lust after yourself, you freak) But yeah you are physical and sexual. You don't need her because... Well actually maybe you do need her in this case.
Well lets just say you don't really NEED it cause you can live forever and never have felt a vagina your entire life. But this one is harder to separate simply because like take myself for example, I want it so badly that it feels like a great need. But I'm pretty cool, relaxed and confident when expressing this (or at least try my best).
But thats ok, because she needs you too! This is just the Human Pact... Nature demands this so that we may continue pro-creating and prospering.



But truthfully its ok to need things sometimes. Think of it this way, You NEED air to breath, you NEED water to drink, you NEED food to eat. There are simply things you must have to keep alive, instilling great need. Need is a law of life.

 

[Maxfarsigth]

Wow very interesting post because:

I experienced exactly the same things as you Jack like a couple of months ago.
- For the first time a met a decent girl.
- I was gaining experience because of the rapport you are talking about
- Right now i feel like a RAFC

So far i have comed up with the exact same stuff you talk about (check my post from a week ago):
1. I want to see her more often: i think this is because i have learned and experienced so much good stuff the last weeks i want more!. Sometimes its hard because we are both very bussy. But the advice here is: Just do what you want as long as you have this DJ mind-set. I mean: have fun. If you want to go see a movie (like randall says), id love to watch it with her.. but if its not posible: invite a friend, or watch it yourself. Randall is so right about the "love yourself". Its not exactly easy, ive seen mayself so bored and feeling like empty just because my girl is out with her friends or she has stuff todo. But hell: im gonna go out with my friends too, ill get stuff to do too. I still have a lot to learn about this "Im whats important" state of mind.

2. Shes in control of sexuality in the relation: its hard, but like i said before: the only way to improve here is getting to learn tips and advice and APPLYING THEM, so what ill do here is: get the XP fast enough to start catching her and gaining some control in making out (and eventually sex). I wont stop untill I have it all!. Not gonna be easy, but i think its the way its meant to be done.

Final line:
The evolution has made me feel weird sometimes, meybe its just that im so eager to be a DJ, i want to see this girl everytime to practice and get the XP. But:
-Do what you whant whenever you want to. and if you guys cant, just chill about it. Youll eventually do it.
- This evolution is not easy or fast.
- Love yourself.
- A girl will not complete you.
And my own ricer-antiAFC quote:
"The only thing ill ever be in need of is speed"

Dude.. Ill continue to check on your thoughts and experiences with you since we both kinda are in the same level (i think).

Tips to know if shes not atracted??.. well this will be kind of generic but:
"I dont care if shes atracted, ill asume she is. What is important is: am I learning and having fun?.. Ill continue to Develope and apply this DJ stuff anyways =)"

 

[Maxfarsigth]

Wow dude: i just re-read your post and let me tell you:
- Its eaven more vinculating to my experience than i thought. Pretty much the same !!
- I hope i contributed in some way with my last post.
- But im also very willing to read any feed back one more experienced guys.

Thankyou and c ya !

 

[jackmode211]

for the guy who wanted to see the book of pook...here is the adress of it

www.jbspencer.com/djb/Downloads/The Book of Pook.pdf

i think its pretty much the collection of things hes said and posted on this site....really helps you get your frame of mind right....in my opinion anyway....


thanks for your answers so far...ive taken what youve said to heart.....any more answers would be appriciated as well...

 

[jackmode211]

thanks for the replys....she says shes gonna be busy till dec.13....finals and studying and all that....

while i dont take that as a sign shes not interested(maybe i should) i think the best thing to do.....to keep the learning going and the oneitis from developing is finding other females....so i think the best idea is to NOT NEXT this one....but rather not focus on her and find other prospects....

this is easier said then done for me....because that girl practicly landed in my lap....i have almost no expirence with approaching or closing so...it will be difficult...

but im working in the intrest of improving my life and learning.....

....ive broken laws in the name of those two things.....why not my own comfort level....

thanks...and any more comments would be appriciated....

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

Look up "want" and "need" in the dictionary.

 

[ready123]

you have a real positive attitude, which is a nice change from all the guys who use this board to worry

 

[jackmode211]

ive done enuff negative thinking for 2 lifetimes...i tend to overthink things...and my mind usually picks negative things as the conclusion...

....im trying to get out of that however....

....thinking about starting one of those 100 approach threads...

 

[Beyond_AFC]

....thinking about starting one of those 100 approach threads...

Good, go ahead:yes:

 

[JDA70]

She told you she'll be busy till the 13th.
Don't call her, don't e-mail or txt her.
Just wait it out and call her after that.
Approach other women in that time.

End of discussion.

 

[jackmode211]

i was thinking of doing pretty much the same thing.....except drop a line every now and then.....but yea ok....ill do that....thanks