"When are you going to offer me a ring?" Uh oh...

[froznie]

Yeah, so it got to that point. I've been seeing this girl for more than 3 years now and living together since May. I think she's really good. Not perfect, but I really enjoy spending time with her yadda yadda.

Anyway, so, yeah, she's been hinting at marriage for the past couple of months now. I've sort of been avoiding the question because I don't really feel like going through the headache of organizing a party and spending money and inviting people and everything. Besides my job is keeping me busy and I'm usually tired when I get home and I don't need the added stress right now.

For the guys who've been through this, how long can I hold it off without starting a civil war?

 

[Zarky]

I don't really feel like going through the headache of organizing a party and spending money and inviting people and everything.

So you're saying you'd have no problem marrying the girl if it didn't involve party planning??

I don't understand. Do you want to marry her, do you not, or are unsure? Irrespective of the party planning.

"Holding her off" because of temporary timing issues is a wholly different circumstance than holding her off because you're enjoying the relp but don't want to marry her.

 

[froznie]

Yeah, that's kind of it. I just don't feel like doing this right now. I barely have any free time as it is and I just dread the idea of going through all the trouble. To make matters worse I was in a car accident in a taxi and since then I've had a lot of back pain and I need to take painkillers and my job requires me to sit at a desk all day long which makes my back even worse. Add this pain to work stress and I just don't want to add anything else, especially not a wedding. There's lots of stuff involved in this too, administratively and legally as well.

And then also if we do a marriage I have to invite my parents and I'm not on very good terms with them right now and I don't feel like I have the energy to reconnect with them right now. I just want to wait like two years or something I think it'll make it easier. But that girl her biological clock's going tick tick tick and it stresses me out and I don't think she understands

 

[backbreaker]

And then also if we do a marriage I have to invite my parents and I'm not on very good terms with them right now and I don't feel like I have the energy to reconnect with them right now.

the hell you do lol. I didn't invite my dad to my wedding


tell her you will marry her but really dont' want to go to through the trouble of organizing a wedding and all that **** and see what she says. you might be surprised. i could have gotten away with it if that is what it was going to take to get me to marry my wife she wanted it BAD.


women aren't men. you have to look at it from a women's perspective. they have a finite amount of time where they are most diserable and she's giving you the best of that time. it's not that she doesn't like you but she has to look out for number 1. If you are playing around and don't ever plan on getting hitched that's some **** she wants / deserves to know.


If you have NO desire to EVER marry her, cut her lose. She deserves as much. she hasn't done anything to hurt you so why hurt her? IF you do want to get married but aren't ready YET, tell her that and tell her why you are not ready. she can't possibly argue.

 

[froznie]

No, I'm done playing around, it's not like I plan on going to another woman or anything. I guess in my mind I see marriage as more of a hurdle or unnecessary stress than anything else. You're right backbreaker you should tell a woman if you don't plan to marry her ever, but that's not really my case

I've basically been giving her evasive answers like "we'll see" and things like that, but I don't mean I'm not intending to marry her eventually it's just that I feel like right now I can't add any more stress. And sometimes when we walk around a shopping mall and there's a jeweler and she tells me something like "oh look this is the kind of ring I like" I feel like she's sending me messages. I don't know I guess I just don't like feeling pressured but I do get where she's coming from

I guess maybe part of me is afraid of saying "I'm a married man" because it's going to make me feel old. I don't know. I still can't believe I'm in my 30s it scares me how fast time goes and I guess that's just how I am. I'm complicating things I know

 

[Harry Wilmington]

If you don't have a desire to marry her... well, what the others have already said, lol. BUT, if you do, why not just do what some of my friends have done: get married at a courthouse so it's on paper and it's legal, and tell her you'll plan a more formal wedding for family and friends to celebrate in when you have more time? This way, she knows you want to marry her (and would, in fact, be married to her) but won't be making her wait.

 

[backbreaker]

all you have to do is sit her down and tell her what you just said. that's what i did with my wife


my wife never really put the clamps to me. She would do little **** like fold pages in magazines with wedding photos and **** lol. passive aggressive joking ****.


Then like 2 of her friends got married back to back within a month of each other. The first one she was all cool and ****. The 2nd one she was as quiet as a mouse and my wife is anything but quiet lol, so I was like spit it out, what's up. She was like yo know i love you but I mean, are we every gonna get married? She gave me this look and I could tell in the ton of her voice this is not one of those times I could dodge the question, she was making a passive agressive stance. So I told her to give me a few hours to gather my thoughts, it's not that I don't know what to say I jus want to make sure i say what I have to say, right, you only get one shot at this lol. So I sat her down and told her that I have no qualms about spending the rest of my life with her. We live together, we have joint CC's and ****, we have a son, we are married in everything but name. 2 years ago had you asked me would i ever be married i would have said no. Now I'm saying I'm leaning towards it, and if you keep doing what you are doing it will eventually happen, it's just not happening right now. She smiled and kissed me on the check and we were good.

About 2 months later I was just randomly in the store and just wondered to the jewelry store and i saw the ring and i knew then it was time. I called her dad and asked for permission literally while I was at the store, he said it's about time lol, i bought the ring and proposed that night.



now you got me bringing back memorizes and ****. that was a good day. that was a really really good day. she was so happy. I was happy too. happier than i thought i would be. I was just as happy as she was. you could not wipe the smile off her face for a month

 

[_sideways_]

the hell you do lol. I didn't invite my dad to my wedding


tell her you will marry her but really dont' want to go to through the trouble of organizing a wedding and all that **** and see what she says. you might be surprised. i could have gotten away with it if that is what it was going to take to get me to marry my wife she wanted it BAD.


women aren't men. you have to look at it from a women's perspective. they have a finite amount of time where they are most diserable and she's giving you the best of that time. it's not that she doesn't like you but she has to look out for number 1. If you are playing around and don't ever plan on getting hitched that's some **** she wants / deserves to know.


If you have NO desire to EVER marry her, cut her lose. She deserves as much. she hasn't done anything to hurt you so why hurt her? IF you do want to get married but aren't ready YET, tell her that and tell her why you are not ready. she can't possibly argue.[/QUOTE
QUOTE]


Bullshyt 2with her prime time, biological crap....

The longer you hold out the more she wants you.

Ive done it twice now...same sob story of talking about kids names, dressess, etc...

Her time may be ending if she decides to not maintain herself...ur time is just starting.

If shes asking this cuz sheslooking out for #1 then you have to look for yourself too...and do it better.

She doesn't deserve you to break her heart....she knows its inevitable...

 

[handle]

Yeah, that's kind of it. I just don't feel like doing this right now. I barely have any free time as it is and I just dread the idea of going through all the trouble. To make matters worse I was in a car accident in a taxi and since then I've had a lot of back pain and I need to take painkillers and my job requires me to sit at a desk all day long which makes my back even worse. Add this pain to work stress and I just don't want to add anything else, especially not a wedding. There's lots of stuff involved in this too, administratively and legally as well.

And then also if we do a marriage I have to invite my parents and I'm not on very good terms with them right now and I don't feel like I have the energy to reconnect with them right now. I just want to wait like two years or something I think it'll make it easier. But that girl her biological clock's going tick tick tick and it stresses me out and I don't think she understands

Just say this to her. Explain that you want to do it but for those reasons you don't feel good about the timing.
If she's more low key like you seem to be maybe she's down with a small thing, just get it over and done with.

 

[foreverAFC]

time for a new gf

 

[Masculinity]

How old are you, OP?