When a woman destroys your confidence.

[Websters dic]

I've always thought of myself as a fairly knowledgeable/cultured person. So I met this girl who just happened to work in the same Department in the school we attend. Now I know she does have more knowledge and more passion than me in architecture but her arrogance and her EGO crushed my self-confidence as the relationship went on to the point that it now interferes with my career.

When I first met her I didn't really give a toss about her but I "chumped" out along the way where I got attached and oneitis (which I am trying to recover from) I didn't pay much attention to her know it all attitude and to be honest sometimes I thought it was a little irritating.

Well FastFoward some months and she was straight up ruthless. She criticized me on basically everything I said and did but most importantly she belittled me on MY subject..MY career. Telling me how she was above me and she gave an air of petulance of being better than me at everything.

When she almost got through with my ass we would sometimes go to get togethers and luncheons with some co-workers and students and she would be so talkative about design and architecture etc. and then we would leave get in the car and she wouldn't speak to me about it or even barely mention it.

I got dumped and suddenly I went and bought a mountain of books, trying to strike up new hobbies etc. But it seems that every time I think on doing something it's as if I'm trying to find her approval. I sometimes find myself on Facebook writing and posting things that I wouldn't do before maybe in my subconscious mind trying to impress her. I think if you develop a passion that is fine but I want to transition into it, now I just feel that I am not doing it for me.

I don't know how to handle this, my feelings for this broad are gone except the memories of her bashing on me and it has really affected me. I even have a hard time trying to strike up conversations with my fellow workers and other students regarding this subject because I now feel they know more about it than I do and I don't want to sound stupid (seriously)and it is hurting my career.

This is not rational thinking but I can't get this out of my head. I thought I was in "love" so I took all her BS in with out a fight. I had to see her a couple of times at a work meeting and I stumbled in speaking out loud I felt so low... I have kept NC but I know I will see her sometime soon and sporadically from now forward and I just want my confidence and I've looked everywhere for it...

 

[wait_out]

Websters: she might have said a lot of sh1t to you, but you're the one who chose to let it inside your head.

In life you will frequently take criticism from different sources. Internalizing it is not a good strategy. Dispassionately consider whether it has validity -- make changes to improve if what she said is true -- STUDY -- but do not lose faith in your own potential to grow and improve.

She's going to meet somebody better than her in her field one day too. Have a little perspective man... almost nobody in the world will ever give a fvck about this girl's talents.

So what makes *you* care so much?

 

[Scion]

She's just a girl, she has only 1 thing to offer anyway. And in the next few years no one will give 2 ****s about her. She should stay in the kitchen.

 

[DanelMadr]

I've always thought of myself as a fairly knowledgeable/cultured person. So I met this girl who just happened to work in the same Department in the school we attend. Now I know she does have more knowledge and more passion than me in architecture but her arrogance and her EGO crushed my self-confidence as the relationship went on to the point that it now interferes with my career.

When I first met her I didn't really give a toss about her but I "chumped" out along the way where I got attached and oneitis (which I am trying to recover from) I didn't pay much attention to her know it all attitude and to be honest sometimes I thought it was a little irritating.

Well FastFoward some months and she was straight up ruthless. She criticized me on basically everything I said and did but most importantly she belittled me on MY subject..MY career. Telling me how she was above me and she gave an air of petulance of being better than me at everything.

When she almost got through with my ass we would sometimes go to get togethers and luncheons with some co-workers and students and she would be so talkative about design and architecture etc. and then we would leave get in the car and she wouldn't speak to me about it or even barely mention it.

I got dumped and suddenly I went and bought a mountain of books, trying to strike up new hobbies etc. But it seems that every time I think on doing something it's as if I'm trying to find her approval. I sometimes find myself on Facebook writing and posting things that I wouldn't do before maybe in my subconscious mind trying to impress her. I think if you develop a passion that is fine but I want to transition into it, now I just feel that I am not doing it for me.

I don't know how to handle this, my feelings for this broad are gone except the memories of her bashing on me and it has really affected me. I even have a hard time trying to strike up conversations with my fellow workers and other students regarding this subject because I now feel they know more about it than I do and I don't want to sound stupid (seriously)and it is hurting my career.

This is not rational thinking but I can't get this out of my head. I thought I was in "love" so I took all her BS in with out a fight. I had to see her a couple of times at a work meeting and I stumbled in speaking out loud I felt so low... I have kept NC but I know I will see her sometime soon and sporadically from now forward and I just want my confidence and I've looked everywhere for it...

He, he.

She is not any good. People which are really good at something are not arrogant.

She hates you, man. Because she is a mean b!tch and maybe because she can't stand that you depend on her approval.

But you already know this based on your post.

So, how to cut yourself loose? Magic words, man...."F!ck it". Don't let your ego - your inner child seeking parents' attention, love and approval - to bully you.

F@CK IT

 

[SandHawk]

What's up with the hate towards the girl man? There is no need to hate like that.

What she did isn't very nice to you, I agree with that. However, as someone who comes from a similar situation, except where I was the one degrading the other person, I can tell this has nothing to do with deliberately degrading you and/or attempt to inflict psychological hurt onto you.

What happened in your relationship is that you AFC'd the hell out of it. You see it as well as you "chumped" out. What happened is that the internal balanced got tipped. Because you acted so beta(or even omega), she lost respect subconsciously and started to take over. She took over the role of the male, and when you never stopped her degrading things, the balance tipped off even further and you lost control beyond repair.

Go bang a truckload of other girls, and you'll get over her. Also figure out what made you tip the balance the wrong way and it'll never happen to you again. Learn to be ASSERTIVE! That means taking the lead, not giving in sometimes, not asking for what she wants from time to time(Instead of being all "Hey let's have coffee", go like "We're going for coffee"). Girls like that, they want a man that is in charge.

 

[Captain]

How to not let a woman destroy your confidence? Be seeing other women.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

You never had it in the first place.

 

[spider_007]

Don't let things that SOMBODY ELSE said define YOUR reality.

 

[boomerick]

When a woman destroys your confidence.

You have to let her.

Over and Out.

 

[Websters dic]

I know, I did let her by mistakingly thinking I was in love and by not having a real life. I don't hate her but I have to admit it's hard facing her knowing how she knows me and it feels like she can see right through me. I'm mad at myself for slipping and falling so low.

sometimes I feel like I've hit a wall and I just want to stay away from it all to see if I can finally grow a pair and a life.

 

[lakeshore]

If this girl is as arrogant as you say that is a sure
sign of her ugliness inside. It sounds like she is as you say she criticizes. That
is sooooooo bad and the absolute wrong way to be.

I used to be this way also and know how it is to be an arrogant,
sarcastic POS.

When you actually meet nice, encouraging, positive, do not put others
down, humble people/girls you'll see this one is truly rotten.

Thank your lucky stars this relationship is over and you didn't wind up spending too much
time with her. Some day she may meet someone that wakes her up, thats what happened to me.

 

[nismo-4]

If you stand for nothing, then you'll fall for everything.

Everything happens for a reason.

Don't let someone's negative perception of you become your reality.

Don't catch feelings for a goddamn girl!