When a man cheats

[Desdinova]

I have a female friend who's boyfriend has recently cheated on her. She told me she's staying with him. Her reason? "I really do love him".

Given what I've seen from the way women react to strong emotional changes, positive and negative, it seems to make perfect sense that she'd stay with him.

But do most women decide to stay with their man if he cheats on her?

 

[azanon]

Infidelity alone (including outside of marriage), in and of itself, is probably a very poor predictor of whether a woman would stay with a man. On the negative side, you have the shattered trust and betrayal, but on the "positive" side, you have the emotion generating potential of it, his desirability by other women (which inherently raises desirability by his mate), competition, her committment, possibly kids who'd be affected, the fact that s*x is physical and has nothing to do with love (especially for a man), and a host of other things.

A big question that will come up is whether its physical or emotional cheating (or both). Physical only is probably the least serious, followed by emotional only, followed by the combo.

Girlfriend or wife, I think if there's an ensuing breakup, there's more than just infidelity involved meaning there are also some other tangible things wrong with the subject relationship. Perhaps the guy isn't worth keeping anyway, or the meat of the relationship was already withering and the infidelity was just the straw breaking the camel's back.

Girls/Women say they'd leave their man if they cheat; and they probably feel good when they do so. In reality? Probably not, if that's all their was and everything else is fine.

 

[joekerr31]

id say most women forgive cheating. and they do so for a few reasons...

1) they are prone to cheating themselves. MOST women have either cheated or set something up before breaking up with their boyfriends. so they 'understand' the concept of not getting what you need, not communicating that to your partner, and simply getting it from somewhere else.

2) it gives them more power in the relationship moving forward

3) its drama,a nd unlike men women tend to embrace drama rather than push it away

4) most women have f*cked over a lot of guys / people in their past, and as a result are 'understanding' of bad behavior

5) a lot of women think that men can't control themselves. and that its actually the 'hussy's' fault for tryign to 'steal her man'.

6) when the man cheats, the woman's low self esteem often kicks in and she blames herself for him cheating, that she wasn't 'good enough' for him and so he had to go elsewhere to be satisfied.

7) the fact that he cheated is proof that other women want him. women don't like to let go of a man who is in demand in the external world.


it is quite flabergasting how a lot of women quite easily cope with cheating. for most of them its by no means a deal breaker.

i've been with women in the past who thought i was cheating. i mean, they really really thought i was. they broke down in tears and told me to just come clean.

i've never cheated in my life and never will, its not my style. BUT, i can tell you, these women, had i BEEN cheating, would not have dumped it. they would have cried, and gotten mad, and everything else, but i could tell they would not have dumped me.

women are very strange this way. im convinced that the reason so many don't have an issue with cheating is that they themselves have cheated on their bfs in the past.

 

[joekerr31]

oh one other thing.

even though a woman will stay with you after you have cheated, i personally think its the beginning of the end for the relationship.

trust has been broken, and its only a matter of time until everything unravels.

yes, things can be patched up in the beginning. but long term, its doomed.

which is why i dont cheat. its not for her. its for me. if i care about a relationship why would i want to do something that will irreversably destroy it.

 

[azanon]

i've never cheated in my life and never will, its not my style. BUT, i can tell you, these women, had i BEEN cheating, would not have dumped it. they would have cried, and gotten mad, and everything else, but i could tell they would not have dumped me.

This went without saying! Its only in the real world, that 30-50% of men cheat (including in marriages). On Sosuave, no one cheats, especially the married men. Anyone want to confess otherwise?

 

[azanon]

oh one other thing.

even though a woman will stay with you after you have cheated, i personally think its the beginning of the end for the relationship.

trust has been broken, and its only a matter of time until everything unravels.

yes, things can be patched up in the beginning. but long term, its doomed.

Not necessarily. Back to what I said, if there's nothing inherently wrong with the relationship of question, it can survive that. You yourself listed several reasons why it can be forgiven. Forgotten? No, of course not. But forgiven indefinitely? Sure.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

There's no such thing as cheating so long as you're forthright in being non-exclusive.

Guys who "cheat" simply break an implied committment.



Just as an aside; in case you can't seem to wrap your head around non-exclusivity, bear in mind that according to popular concensus it's entirely acceptable for a woman to vanadlize your property in retaliation for breaking this implied committment without so much as a thought for legal repercussion today.

Spin more plates.

 

[edger]

But do most women decide to stay with their man if he cheats on her?

Oh without a doubt(look around you people), and for the reasons Joekker mentioned, except for reason # 2 which I disagree with. I think the thing that sticks out the most though in a woman's head when a guy cheats, is that he's in demand by other women.

 

[edger]

Not necessarily. Back to what I said, if there's nothing inherently wrong with the relationship of question, it can survive that. You yourself listed several reasons why it can be forgiven. Forgotten? No, of course not. But forgiven indefinitely? Sure.

I agree

 

[STR8UP]

i've been with women in the past who thought i was cheating. i mean, they really really thought i was. they broke down in tears and told me to just come clean.

i've never cheated in my life and never will, its not my style. BUT, i can tell you, these women, had i BEEN cheating, would not have dumped it. they would have cried, and gotten mad, and everything else, but i could tell they would not have dumped me.

Me too.

My last LTR would come to me telling me that her coworkers saw me downtown with another girl, blah, blah. She would even count the condoms in the drawer and one time she was CONVINCED there was one missing.

That sh!t used to piss me off to no end.

I was beginning to think that if you're gonna get accused of stealing cookies, you might as well stick your hand in and grab away.

 

[joekerr31]

i honestly think most women are so paranoid about their man cheating on them because they've cheated on guys in the past.

it may have been when they were 16 or when they were 30. or heck, maybe they didn't cheat but REALLY REALLY wanted to.

whatever the case, because they know they are capable of it, they worry that so too might be their man.

 

[KontrollerX]

I think low quality women will stay.

A high quality woman with a high amount of self respect for herself will not put up with such bullsh!t for one minute.

She'll be out the door.

Women who do this are cut from the same cloth as chicks that stay with guys who beat the sh!t out of them IMO.

 

[MacAvoy]

Deny Deny Deny. If you deny, she'll stay with the man, its one of the good things about them being illogical.

 

[Colossus]

Think about it this way:

When a man cheats on his woman, assuming relatively high interest on her part, it strikes at the very core of her femininity.

Her man chose another woman over HER, which will likely be interpreted by her as an inability to retain or maintain his exclusiveness to her. The very essence of a woman is her beauty; her power to attract, to seduce, and to manipulate (this cuts both ways) or inspire. If a woman does not have the cardinal power of SEXUALITY over her man, which is in truth her single greatest power, then she has NO control over him. He is a 'free' man who will tag whomever he chooses. And in a sense there is subconcious, primal attraction there.

I think some women see this as an event that necessitates her loving him even more and 'standing by him'. Because lets face it: A cheating man is one is going to do whatever pleases him (he already has), irrespective of what she thinks. And that implies masculinity at a very primal level.

Now I am in NO way advocating cheating. I have never cheated in my life, BUT I dont think that makes me morally superior to anyone who has.

The way I look at it is this: Although i havent cheated and have no intentions or desire to do so, i am subject to the same suceptibility as any other man on this planet. Have i thought about it? You bet your a$$ i have. But thus far i have made the choice not to act on it. And i would expect the same out of my woman in a relationship of expressed exclusivity.

And, this may sound trite, but if you do that in such a relationship, i believe it comes back to you. Someday, somehow.

 

[Phyzzle]

even though a woman will stay with you after you have cheated, i personally think its the beginning of the end for the relationship.

The women I've known who catch a cheater stick with him, but then they get more and more possessive. They throw a fit and key they guy's car if he doesn't answer her hourly check-in call, and if his story doesn't pan out.