When a girl come to you to complain about her problems...

[Fatality]

There was this girl at my college that i went to high school with. We weren't friends in high school but we knew who each other was. At our college we occasionally met up and started to talk to each other but all she pretty much ever talked about was how much she hates her teacher and how she is doing bad in a certain class. Did she possibly like me or did she just think of me as one of her friends that she felt comfortable telling her problems.

thanks

 

[NRM]

Well I like to think that if a girl likes you, she'll try to show her best side, not her "annoyed at the whole world" side. But aside from all that, who cares? I think you have at least some interest in her, ask her on a date. If she accepts, then yes, she has some interest in you. If you have fun on the date, she'll have more interest in you, and if she lets you kiss her by the end of the night, she's interested for sure.

 

[Dee-Zy]

Originally posted by NRM
Well I like to think that if a girl likes you, she'll try to show her best side, not her "annoyed at the whole world" side. But aside from all that, who cares? I think you have at least some interest in her, ask her on a date. If she accepts, then yes, she has some interest in you. If you have fun on the date, she'll have more interest in you, and if she lets you kiss her by the end of the night, she's interested for sure.

THANK GOD THERE ARE STILL PROMISING NEWBIES!!!


You have been here how long and understood this when half this board that registered a year ago still asks about.



Who cares if she likes you or not. What matters is what YOU want and who YOU like.


What does it matter if she likes you? Think about it. If you are not interested, nothing happends right? If you are interested you make somthing happend right?


Therefore unless YOU want her, there is nothing that matters because NOTHING would happend. So why care about her interest. Do you see how useless it is?

If you are interested, ASk her number, ask her out. Don't wonder. It's a waste of time.

 

[Fatality]

I am interested but i really don't flirt I just sit and listen. One thing that i forgot to mention is she seems to be more cheerful and smiles more when she is around other guys meanwhile when she comes to talk to me she just complains. She always come to me though. Am I like one of her girlfriends? I really don't say much to her when she talks because she just goes on and on about something negative. When she is with other guys she smiles more and seems more lively.

 

[Le Parisien]

Lol this is a clinical case , you are being used as a what people on this board would call EMOTIONAL TAMPON...

This means she has zero interest in you, she has zero respect for you. Move on man.

 

[Fatality]

Originally posted by Le Parisien
Lol this is a clinical case , you are being used as a what people on this board would call EMOTIONAL TAMPON...

This means she has zero interest in you, she has zero respect for you. Move on man.

Alright I'll move on. i don't really understand how I ended up as this "emothional tampon." Is it because I kept quiet and just listened?

 

[CvB]

Some people just talk and talk and talk...and then talk some more. I think she is someone like that and since you don't really know each other and you don't interrupt her she feels she can just tell you everything she wants.

I'd be tired of someone like her REAL quick, and I'd say something like: "I like talking to you, but why do you always have to talk about negative things? Let's talk about something else for a change!" Then tell something funny you experienced and maybe when you talk some more, you'll discover a whole other person behind the complaining girl you know now.

 

[Dee-Zy]

Originally posted by Fatality
Alright I'll move on. i don't really understand how I ended up as this "emothional tampon." Is it because I kept quiet and just listened?

If she ain't negative around other guys, it's because she doesn't want to come off as whiny, she wants to put her best foot foward with others - with you, she doesn't care. She let's her hairs down and doesn't care if that she is putting her negative side to you because she has zero interest. You're just another 'girl friend' of hers now. She doesn't respect you. You are just there for her to blow off her steam. When she wants to have fun - she goes see others. She doesn't want to have fun with you.

 

[Vini Vidi Vici]

You`re right CvB. Girls are emotional, so if you somehow manage to control her emotional switch making her go from a bad to a good mood in a short period of time she`s basically yours. Some guys here call it the "emotional rollercoaster", which I think is a good way of describing it.

(The next is not mine, I read it somewhere here)
Next time she goes to talk to you about her problems just tell her "What are you going to do about it?" showing some kind of empathy. And then just grab her hand and take her somewhere and have lots of fun.

 

[railway2019]

I am interested but i really don't flirt I just sit and listen. One thing that i forgot to mention is she seems to be more cheerful and smiles more when she is around other guys meanwhile when she comes to talk to me she just complains. She always come to me though. Am I like one of her girlfriends? I really don't say much to her when she talks because she just goes on and on about something negative. When she is with other guys she smiles more and seems more lively.

Haha this is exactly what i used to do to a guy i really liked and most people gave you the opposite advice. I couldnt go up to him and smile and talk because he would have thought why is she here so i complained to him and also i felt close to him trusted him even though i didnt really know him but i couldnt help myself, i had to tell him my problems!! Other guys i laughed with i didnt care about or like so didnt open up to them. It means she really likes you if she complains to you about her issues, just by being near you she'll probably feel comforted. Ask her out for a drink or a film or something as freinds and take it from there. If she agrees she likes you if she says no she's busy etc then she doesn't like you in that way just as a freind or emotional crutch.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I couldnt go up to him and smile and talk because he would have thought why is she here so i complained to him and also i felt close to him trusted him even though i didnt really know him but i couldnt help myself, i had to tell him my problems!

Guessing you are a troll but I'll reply to set the record straight for anyone thinking this is good advice. It's terrible advice. This is why some people say never take advice from women. The women who post regularly on this forum usually offer pretty solid advice in my opinion but yours is awful. If you really are a woman, then it sounds like you don't understand your own emotions and motivations.

Feelings of comfort around someone you don't even know does not happen because you are sexually attracted to them. It happens because you are NOT sexually attracted to them and you think they are non-sexually-threatening. You view them as so far from sexual that they are asexual, and hopeless, and you know you can dump your feelings on them and they'll probably listen. You use them for your own neediness.

On the other hand, when a person sees someone they are sexually attracted to, they get nervous and anxious and there is tension. They don't want to complain to them and dump on them, because that's sh*tty behavior and it will make a poor impression and drive them away.

OP, she isn't interested in you romantically but that isn't even the point. Instead of wondering if she's into, you should first ask yourself: "Do I even care if she's into me? Because, based on her behavior, would I want to spend time with a girl who complains all the time? What are the chances she would start complaining about me if we start dating?"

Hint: Avoid women who are complainers at all costs. Habitual complaining is a strong characteristic of BPD, and even if she doesn't have BPD, constant complaining and negativity points to a host of other problems that you want no part of.

 

[wifehunter]

"When a girl come to you to complain about her problems..."

 

[Poonani Maker]

Lol this is a clinical case , you are being used as a what people on this board would call EMOTIONAL TAMPON...

This means she has zero interest in you, she has zero respect for you. Move on man.

When they do that to me, no matter how hott, I go "I don't know" or I'll half-heartedly answer what I think about her situation, take it or leave it. I'll be like "just do what you gotta do..." and "it's not my business." I'm not so sure that if I was MARRIED to her that I would not respond/act the same way to her airing her problems in front of me. She should be in the kitchen making dinner or washing dishes, mopping the floor period.

 

[Medina]

I dont think @railway2019 is a troll and from my experience I am inclined to agree

Opening a woman can be a good thing but you need to be her rock and not her tampon. I.e. Listen to her problems, poke fun of her and be a fun centered guy where nothing bothers you and you will get laid. On the flip side, and what most guys end up falling for, is trying to solve her problems, acting all serious, talking too much instead of action and being too emotionally available

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

There was this girl at my college that i went to high school with. We weren't friends in high school but we knew who each other was. At our college we occasionally met up and started to talk to each other but all she pretty much ever talked about was how much she hates her teacher and how she is doing bad in a certain class. Did she possibly like me or did she just think of me as one of her friends that she felt comfortable telling her problems.

thanks

My signature move is to take my **** out.

 

[Serenity]

Before anyone gives direct advice to OP, note that this thread is 15 years old and OP has been offline since 2006.

Haha this is exactly what i used to do to a guy i really liked and most people gave you the opposite advice.

It would have the opposite effect than what you'd wish for if you did that to me. Who the fvck wants to listen to complaining?

 

[Spaz]

It would have the opposite effect than what you'd wish for if you did that to me. Who the fvck wants to listen to complaining?

I do almost daily and it's relatively easy.

Just lead them towards finding the answers that they already know.

Listen, then ask what they think caused it, when the problem is identified, then ask what resources/skills they need to solve it, then ask if they have all the resources or skills, how long do they think they would need to solve it...

Then the hamster starts to spin in their little minds and a smile slowly appears...

Meanwhile Spaz appears wise, understanding, appealing, approachable, a great leader, smart and finally sexy.

And they all did the work for you, that's leadership.

This is chance for you men to turn women into ur soldiers. Don't waste it.

 

[Serenity]

@Spaz I know that, but if a woman starts complaining right off the bat then I leave.