when a girl asks you out

[DJmonster]

Hi : ) I'm new

A girl left a message on my phone asking if I wanted to go on a double date with her and her sister this friday (HB 7s). I was supposed to take this girl out for the first time last night, but I cancelled cuz I was sick. This girl is shy, so I think she'll be less nervous with her sister around. Should I accept the invitation or should I say I'm busy Friday and suggest a non-weekend date with just her and me?

 

[DJmonster]

Is this question too newbie for anyone to answer?

I need opinions

A double date with her sister sounds fun, but should I give up a Friday night to go on a first date, and also would i be giving up control by accepting her invite?

 

[Chewy Bagel]

Go out with her and have a good time then tell us about it.

 

[NatureGuy]

I'd accept. It sounds like it would be fun, and probably make things easier for both
of you. I don't see any 'control' issues here.

 

[DJmonster]

thanks! I think i will accept. I was just concerned, because my brain is overloaded with all the info from just reading the bible. All that stuff about never give up your weekend time for a woman, challenge, mystery, control (she wants to sit here, you say no lets sit there) - i guess i can still work on that stuff despite the fact that i'm not planning the date.

thanks again Chewy Bagel and Nature Guy, i'll report back

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Usually a double date is good thing in that the couple are on a pretty level playing field. Unfortunately that is not the case here. In a nutshell, at best you will be the underdog, 2 to 1. At worse it will be 3 to 1 against.

Consider this, your goal of the night will be to impress this girl to at least raise her interest level. Don't forget that she is a bit timid and it will not be the easiest thing to do.

Given that she is timid AND she has her sister along for comfort(that means protection). So guess who else you will have to win over even more so? Her sister may be a little more critical because she is there to look out for her sis. The only thing that could be worse is if she had her parents along.

Finally, the sister's date. The chances are high that he is a AFC. Given that, guess what he'll be up to? Supplicating HIS girlfriend. He will more than likely be doing all the AFC moves. Even worse is that sis will more than likely point out those moves as being ones that YOU should be doing if you were really a 'nice guy.'

So your choice at that time is to either hold your guns and be a DJ and possibly having sis label you an @sshole and her wimp boyfriend agreeing whole heartedly in hopes to get a kiss at the end of the night. The other thing you could do is wimp out and play the game on their terms.

There is an alternative, you could forgo the double date, there is a chance that she might agree if her interest level is high enough but is likely?

 

[DJmonster]

hmm... She mentioned her sis is bringing a guy friend for the date, so you're probably right about the AFC sabatoge.

I'm pretty sure she would agree to a date some other time with just me. She did before, but I had to cancel. We have a mutual guy friend that tells her great things about me. I think this is the main reason her IL is high.

 

[DJmonster]

other info:
-her sister just got divorced
-i'm more comfortable one on one w/girls
-if I decline and say I have other plans, girl will probably know I'm dodging (girl knows i was supposed to go to wrestling tournament in Reno this weekend, but since I got sick i'm not going)

I'm leaning towards declining the date (thanks francisco for your response). My DJ skills are just starting to develop, so I'm intimidated by having to impress her and her sister, and put up with sis's AFC friend. On the other hand, maybe its a challenge I should accept.

any other insights or opinions?

 

[Tkman]

If you find the girl attractive and all that. I dont see the reason of not going out with her. So what if your just an AFC? This is a learning experience .. go out with the damn girl and make her wet her pants. **** the sister (for now) and her date (forever) ... your goal is to DJ your girl and act normal infront of the sister.

 

[DJmonster]

double dates

A double date as the first date?

Is this bad? Sorry to be an indecisive newbie, but could I please get some more advise.

 

[DJmonster]

Originally posted by Tkman
make her wet her pants. **** the sister (for now) and her date (forever) .

I like this idea

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by DJmonster
other info:
-her sister just got divorced
-i'm more comfortable one on one w/girls
-if I decline and say I have other plans, girl will probably know I'm dodging (girl knows i was supposed to go to wrestling tournament in Reno this weekend, but since I got sick i'm not going)

I'm leaning towards declining the date (thanks francisco for your response). My DJ skills are just starting to develop, so I'm intimidated by having to impress her and her sister, and put up with sis's AFC friend. On the other hand, maybe its a challenge I should accept.

any other insights or opinions?

HER SISTER JUST GOT A DIVORCE???!!!

She is on the rebound, she probably has ill feelings or at least wary about men so her guy must be a REALLY NICE GUY, and she will feel that she will need to protect her sister from guys like her ex (that could mean you).

Stick with the one on one dates and don't listen to the crap as going through it as a learning experience. Take control of the situation YOUR WAY. You see the pitfalls that could happen if you go through it so why would you take that route??? What's to learn by doing that???

 

[DJmonster]

Thanks Francisco! My inner DJ tells me you're right. I'm sick of learning things the hard way with women. Time to play things right.

I just called her and changed the date to Sunday night, just me and her. Told her I had family plans for the holidays, so Friday wasn't a good day. Hopefully, when I pick her up, she doesn't surprise me with, "is it ok if my sis and her friend tag along?" or what if she calls before sunday asking the same thing?

 

[So pimp its scary]

If you got call display, just don't answer her phone calls untill sunday. This way she won't be likely to ask that...

You could always say, 'you know I would really rather be dating you, and not your sister as well...' or something to that effect.

Just don't make it a big deal, you could ask : "Does your sister need to come along?" I kinda doubt that she will ask that again tho, she probably caught the hint when you rescheduled.

 

[Tkman]

$50 her sister is coming (money will be donated to charity)

 

[sql]

"date" sounds like marriage to me. and lots of pressure too. expectations abound when you start talking about dates and taking out.

imho, i wouldnt really care if the valkarie sister from hellvalla tagged along. so she might have an afc bf wannabe, so what. you're the dj, you're the man in this situation. you gotta be the one with the balls to do what you want and to get what you want. in the end i think what you need to do, is get her to want to go out with you alone - get her to be the one to make that decision. it shouldnt matter if her whole family is there to watch you woo and seduce her with your dj kung foo, it shouldnt change anything about how you do your thing. you've only got your girl to worry about, and if you've got your own social gravity/charm by being C&F, then you'll befriend the girl's sycho-sister and her afc man.

i think it might be a good idea to try and take the pressure off of the date by realizing you're just hanging out, trying to have a good time - you're not trying to impress anyone, not trying to be anything you're not. just you and your girl having a good time. everything else can just revolve around you.

when they realize you're trying to have genuine fun and they buy that you're not only after shoplifing the pooty, im sure they'll calm down.

i think double "dates" (ugh) work out better when you go out with someone you know thats also on the path to dj enlightenment. in general, i try to avoid wordage like "date", "dating", "seeing" coz it can easily come back to burn you when you're committed to someone, unless youre not. i find it much easier and socially flexible to invite girls to do things you'd normally do, they can join you and you are the star of the show in that case - its much more low key and under the radar.

when you say date, you imply that you're trying to impress the girl, that you're willing to allow her to evaluate you as a mate. that you're probably willing to pay her way through the night etc. in the end you basically dont really get anything out of it except the right to try and impress a girl.

2 cents

 

[DJmonster]

good point Sql. Maybe if I had kept it low key from the beginning, the whole double "date" scenario could have been avoided. I say "date" and "taking out" to try and avoid possible placement in the friend category, but what label I put on our get together probably has no influence on how she sees me.

thanks for the replies!