What's your way of preventing flakes?

[Sofomore]

Been getting a lot of flakes lately. Set up a date, girl bails an hour or two before with an "excuse". This has happened with the last 3 girls. This has happened all within the last week, so I'm not sure if it's just weird coincidence or if I'm doing something wrong. I don't feel like I've changed anything...not extra needy, still getting laid regularly, still going to the gym.

I kind of want to say something like "setting up plans and bailing is my pet peeve, you're not going to do that right?" when setting up the date but I'm not sure how to word it correctly.

Anyone have something they say to prevent flakes? Or at least lessen the chance of a flake?

 

[jurry]

Nothing you can say really, and i definitely wouldnt say "you're not gona flake are you?" as this comes off very beta..

How much time is between you asking them out and the date? What (if any) communication is taking place during that time? As espi says, if you're not getting flaked on you're probably not dating that much (paraphrased).

Most of the time i do have a good sense of potential flakiness though based on a girls interest level. If she seemed hesitant or reluctant to go out in any way then thats a pretty good indication she'll flake. Girls with very high interest will rarely flake.

Not much you can do im afraid, just keep plugging away and remember all those girls who flaked next time you're smashing some chick from behind.

 

[Dhoulmagus]

There's nothing you can do to prevent a flake, but you usually can tell if they will or not

 

[Sofomore]

Usually 4-5 days between asking them and date, then no contacting them in between. An example: meet them Friday night, ask them out Sunday for date on Thurs. It's worked for me for a long time, there just seems to have been a strange shift in the last 2 weeks.

I am dating enough. I usually set 2-3 dates every week and have plates for the weekend that are a sure thing. 3 FWBs that meet up every time I call, it's just the new girls that flake.

I'm not new to gauging her IL, and most of these girls come off as excited to meet. Since these girls are young (21-25) I text them. One girl I called a while back said "I don't like talking on the phone", so I started using texting to set up dates...worked well up until these flakes started coming in. Maybe I should call instead to set up the date, and her not answering the phone/ calling back is the message. She doesn't answer, she probably would have flaked.

 

[jurry]

Sounds like ur doing find then, wouldnt switch up ur game because of a few flakes.. Happens to everyone

 

[:-)]

If you're going to flake let me know in advance so I can make alternative plans.

 

[j.619]

Sounds like ur doing find then, wouldnt switch up ur game because of a few flakes.. Happens to everyone

This. Oh, so simple, yet exactly what you need to hear. Flakes WILL happen. Modern women have dating ADD and are notorious c0ck hoppers. Next the flakes and wait for them to hit you up. Some will eventually hit you up... some won't. It's the nature of the game. You win the game by not caring. If she doesn't hit you up, who cares?... because you sure don't. If she DOES, good on her. Get her back by trying to use her tonsils for batting practice from the inside (f*ck her brains out, if you didn't catch the reference). Good luck!

 

[Harry Wilmington]

One thing you can do that will lessen flakes is, do not hit them up the day of to re-confirm plans. I found when I was doing this that I'd have more girls giving last minute excuses than when I stopped. Something about not re-confirming gives them the signals that you EXPECT them to show up because you're you; re-confirming signals that you're not sure and that you're hoping she approves of you enough to show up. I don't know if this is something you're doing, but if so, stop it.

 

[3agle 3yes]

I kind of want to say something like "setting up plans and bailing is my pet peeve, you're not going to do that right?"

DEFINITELY don't say that...If you read the rest of my post you will see you want to do the OPPOSITE of this.

It took me a while to realise but I give out unconventional advice on this forum.

So I think it's worth trying what I do.

I honestly don't get flakes very often, but when I used to it happened because I was too OVERT in my interest of her.

This may sound strange, because some would say if YOU don't look too interested how is she going to?

When you set a date you're basically getting the girl to meet up with you, it DOESN'T matter how long or for what reason.

I call it "The Sneaky Approach", before she realises what's happened she's in my bed, here's what I do:

When I approach a girl I NEVER give her the impression I like her only because I find her sexy.

If time permits I always have a conversation with her first, and I find something else about her that I like and that would be the PRIMARY excuse to get her number.

If things go along nicely, I leave when it's at it's peak, get her number etc.

When you do eventually ask her out on a date, be sure to tell her it's NOT a date...I even tell girls I don't "do" dates and sometimes I joke and say "...and don't think I'm your boyfriend or anything". You can even tell them you have to go somewhere and you want to hang out for only a FEW MINUTES.

So, what are you doing here?

You take the pressure of meeting up AWAY from her.

The idea that it's an "interview" or "interrogation" where you dig up info about each other leaves her head COMPLETELY.

She knows you're "chilled" and she can leave anytime and go about her business.

However, when you do meet her, proceed as normal...and IGNORE everything you said before (especially if you said it'll only be a few minutes).

...and keep her with you as long as possible, if you know how to flirt and escalate it won't be too long.

The reality is, a date is basically the time period in which you get the girl wet enough that you can f*ck her.

 

[asa_don]

Usually 4-5 days between asking them and date, then no contacting them in between. An example: meet them Friday night, ask them out Sunday for date on Thurs. It's worked for me for a long time, there just seems to have been a strange shift in the last 2 weeks.

try not to set up dates so far in advance from sun -thurs, if you're not talking to them some other guy is who she will start to like more, she will flake when the other guy asks her instead, sounds like you have enough dates to keep going on.

 

[Bingo-Player]

i don't see why we as men should be required to chase dates up after initially setting them up :nono:

as I've said previously i dont "date" women anymore unless i am committed to her / in a relationship

I've got 550 matches on tinder and 3 of them I've actually "dated" just to put it into perspective for you

all this texting and social media is simply ego food for women :cuss:

anyway in answer to your question the best way to avoid flakes is to build a big social machine and then date chicks through that

you already have bypassed her screening process and she will know that if she does flakes it will be awkward when you meet

 

[Don-Kong]

You are all dressed up With nowhere to go. Bullsh1t. You are in field with a perfect opportunity to hit up the bar you are in or whatever. If you planned to go out, go out anyway.

She shouldn't stop you enjoying your night. It is annoying but so what. It's her warped mind not yours. End of story. Choose a conclusion to the thinking and let it go.

I learnt this tonight. Served me well only because I know I can hit up other chicks at the weekend. The more you game, the less it matters if they flake.

 

[goldengoose]

Women with high interest prevents flakes.

Usually 4-5 days between asking them and date, then no contacting them in between. An example: meet them Friday night, ask them out Sunday for date on Thurs. It's worked for me for a long time, there just seems to have been a strange shift in the last 2 weeks.

Girls that show interest will have contact with you prior to the date. That's why you have your flakes, you heard nothing from them. 3 days work a lot better than 4-5.

I'm not new to gauging her IL, and most of these girls come off as excited to meet. Since these girls are young (21-25) I text them. One girl I called a while back said "I don't like talking on the phone", so I started using texting to set up dates...worked well up until these flakes started coming in. Maybe I should call instead to set up the date, and her not answering the phone/ calling back is the message. She doesn't answer, she probably would have flaked.

Never text or leave voicemails to set up a date, always call and talk on the phone. Use texting for communicaton in between.

If these girls are using online dating your chances of flaking run higher with other better offers.

 

[nismo-4]

Flakes do happen.

If a woman flakes on you, you have failed. Delete these numbers and go after other women.

OP, saying that pet peeve won't help. If the interest ain't there, drop her.

Case closed.

 

[SmooveMooves]

o scheduling dates so far in advance bro.

4-5 days? Sh1t I damn near would've forgotten myself.

My flake rate started going down when I started implementing this:

Me: Hey, I'm going to x place tommorow, You down?
(Notice how I'm "allowing" her to come rather than asking her for a date)

Her: I'm sorry babe, I'm scheduled to work tommorow :/

Me: That sucks, no fun for you. Know when you'll be free?

Her: Maybe Wednesday, next week.

Me: Hmm, okay, I'll think of something I might wanna do, I'll hit you up then if anything comes to mind

*Next week Wednesday comes and she initiates*

Her: Hey.
(I know what she wants, she thinks I may have forgotten as I haven't brought up anything, so don't waste time)

Me: Meet me at the park in a hour.

*She usually shows her ass up in a hour*

There's 2 important things here that I believe contribute to my lessened flakes-

1)Assertiveness, notice I say "something I wanna do" rather than ask her suggestions like some guys tend to do. I believe when you ask for dates, its essentially asking for her company. The more it seems as if your allowing her your company, the better.

2)Attempting to schedule meetups in a timely fashion. Dates should be scheduled as conviently and quickly as possible, pressure should always be taken off the date as well. In the example, I schedule for tommorow, she has to work, but is free Wednesday next week. Instead of committing to something 5 days away, I essentially tell her I'll keep in mind that she's free Wednesday. This shows I'm not overly eager to meetup and relieves pressure and tension that would've been present had I said, "So, let's goto the park Wednesday."

I found in the past when I was making plates commit to something in advance it created unnecessary pressure and anxiety and ultimately leaded to a flake.

The type of pressure associated with, "You have an interview in 5 days", which essentially is what a date is.

Ease the pressure, schedule dates close in advance, don't make them seem like dates, and allow for dates to be scheduled rather than requested.

"You said you'd be free to day? Wanna go out to Denny's?" X
BAD

"We're at Denny's tonight, at 6. Wear something sexy so we can get free food ;p" √
GOOD

Just my 2¢ though.

 

[Sofomore]

o scheduling dates so far in advance bro.

4-5 days? Sh1t I damn near would've forgotten myself.

My flake rate started going down when I started implementing this:

Me: Hey, I'm going to x place tommorow, You down?
(Notice how I'm "allowing" her to come rather than asking her for a date)

Her: I'm sorry babe, I'm scheduled to work tommorow :/

Me: That sucks, no fun for you. Know when you'll be free?

Her: Maybe Wednesday, next week.

Me: Hmm, okay, I'll think of something I might wanna do, I'll hit you up then if anything comes to mind

*Next week Wednesday comes and she initiates*

Her: Hey.
(I know what she wants, she thinks I may have forgotten as I haven't brought up anything, so don't waste time)

Me: Meet me at the park in a hour.

*She usually shows her ass up in a hour*

There's 2 important things here that I believe contribute to my lessened flakes-

1)Assertiveness, notice I say "something I wanna do" rather than ask her suggestions like some guys tend to do. I believe when you ask for dates, its essentially asking for her company. The more it seems as if your allowing her your company, the better.

2)Attempting to schedule meetups in a timely fashion. Dates should be scheduled as conviently and quickly as possible, pressure should always be taken off the date as well. In the example, I schedule for tommorow, she has to work, but is free Wednesday next week. Instead of committing to something 5 days away, I essentially tell her I'll keep in mind that she's free Wednesday. This shows I'm not overly eager to meetup and relieves pressure and tension that would've been present had I said, "So, let's goto the park Wednesday."

I found in the past when I was making plates commit to something in advance it created unnecessary pressure and anxiety and ultimately leaded to a flake.

The type of pressure associated with, "You have an interview in 5 days", which essentially is what a date is.

Ease the pressure, schedule dates close in advance, don't make them seem like dates, and allow for dates to be scheduled rather than requested.

"You said you'd be free to day? Wanna go out to Denny's?" X
BAD

"We're at Denny's tonight, at 6. Wear something sexy so we can get free food ;p" √
GOOD

Just my 2¢ though.

This is what I was looking for. Thanks for the insight. Since I don't get nervous about meeting a girl in a few days I forget that they get a bit of anxiety about it and let themselves over-think things....thus leading to them flaking. In the future I will try to set things up very short term.

Most of this is coming down to me trying to get my schedule for the week figured out. Drinks with X on Monday, drinks with Y on Weds, going out with Z on Thurs. I like to know my plans ahead of time but it's shooting me in the foot.