"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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What's wrong with what I said

D

David Zappa

Don Juan
Joined
Sep 24, 2011
Messages
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1
Hi,

I've posted here a conversation from an online dating site. I can't seem to figure what I said was wrong. The girl herself is a lawyer and stated that she was impressed by intelligent guys. I need fellow Don Juan members' advice.

GIRL replied to your Kiss on 9 Nov '12

"Sounds good. Tell me more about yourself."

I replied

"Hi Sarah,
There are many things that I could say about myself. But put simply, I work as a shark tamer in a paper oriented profession.
Tell me about yourself? Bulgarian by any chance? You, too, seem to also work in the chosen profession, right?
Cheers
David"

GIRL replied 10 Nov '12

Hey,

My name is Olga and I work in tax!

What area are you in?

I'm Russian - what nationality are you?


I replied

"Hi Olga,
I'm David and I work in Funds Management Law.
You can guess what nationality I am! It's not too hard.
You were in London earlier this year? I was there in 2011/2012 for work. Amazing city!"


She hasn't replied or made contact since. What's wrong with what I said. Please be in mind that she is an educated professional and not an outward slut.

Your comments?
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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B

blindnowisee

Don Juan
Joined
Apr 21, 2012
Messages
43
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4
Two things spring to mind:

1- You're trying way too hard to be funny. Comedy=context. I can tell that the responses you were given were not congruent with your personality (i.e. if this was a date you would never say that.. not saying the line was shiz (which it is btw ;-) but it's all about frame and being congruent.

These two sentences were cringeworthy:
"But put simply, I work as a shark tamer in a paper oriented profession. "
"You can guess what nationality I am! It's not too hard. "

2- Imagine this being a date: you ask her a question. She responds and gives you the following things to build your conversation on:
Olga, Tax, Russian.. Remember comedy=context? There's 3 things to poke fun at..
 
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