What's wrong with me?

[No Leaf Clover]

Hey guys. I've been reading this forum for a while, and thought I would put my pride aside and ask for some advice. I don't want to bore anyone, so I'll try not to make it too long. If I do, my apologies.

Growing up I've only had a few close friends, never went to highschool (I didn't even finish freshman year), and obviously am not in college, lol. I've been told I'm good-looking by people throughout my life, and because of that I've always been a pretty confident person. Yet this one girl I REALLY liked, rejected me. This was 3 years ago, and I never really got over that. I got over the "oneitis", it's the rejection that bugs me. I met some other friends from work, and we went to the club, and I wasn't really noticing any eye contact from women, so I went on the dance floor and tried to dance with this one chick, but she said "Sorry I gotta go" and left. That was such a huge hit to my pride. That's part of the reason I've really only made 2 approaches in the last 5 years.

My family is wondering why I'm not bringing a girlfriend to family outings, and I always have to lie saying I just broke up with a girl. I'm also lying to my friends telling them I'm with this girl one week, and another the next. It's only a matter of time before I get caught up in all this.

If I don't hang out with the small group of friends that I have, there's nothing for me to do. I sit home every single weekend alone unless I go out with my guys. And those guys get women and have girlfriends and have lives. I don't.

It's 2 o'clock in the morning and my friends from work are at the bar, my other friend is with his girlfriend, and I was looking out the window watching the trees hit the wind. It was pathetic. I don't even like going to the mall (first because I don't have a girl to go with), and two I get sick of seeing couples all over the place.

From little on I've always had a big ego because I've been told I'm attractive, yet the few girls I tried to get with, basically blew me off. One of the girls might be interested in my friend. I know nobody likes to get turned down, but when it happens to me... I take it pretty hard. So what I can't figure out is how am I attractive and confident, yet not getting women? Everybody thinks I have no problem with the ladies, but I do. And I can't figure out why. I also get really irritated when I see a guy who's better looking than me.

I don't have a picture, but from what I've said, do you guys think maybe I'm not as attractive as I think, or is it my ego that's too big?

Yeah I'm a little confused right now, and am really hoping I'm not depressed.

What do you guys think?

Thanks for your time.

 

[Snowman23]

For some reason you only made 2 approaches in the last FIVE years. You said yourself it wasn't the girls, but the rejections that kept you from moving on. You admit you have a lot of pride. You've been told your attractive and you get annoyed when you see guys who are better looking than you. And you lie to your family and friends about being with different girls all the time.

And you have the nerve to ask if you're depressed?

Your problem is you have a narcissistic personality disorder.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder

 

[Jon55]

For some reason you only made 2 approaches in the last FIVE years. You said yourself it wasn't the girls, but the rejections that bothered you. You admit you have a lot of pride. You've been told your attractive and you get annoyed when you see guys who are better looking than you. And you lie to your family and friends about being with different girls all the time.

And you have the nerve to ask if you're depressed?

Your problem is you have a narcissistic personality disorder.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder

He's right, and the best first step is to get over yourself and admit it.

 

[No Leaf Clover]

I'm looking for some real answers here guys, thanks.

 

[Obey Propaganda]

At 2 a.m. you're looking out your window watching the trees move in the wind because you were rejected twice in your life???

Wow.

 

[( . )( . )]

This "But I'm good looking" sh!t is not going to carry you over the line, forget it, it's only a cool add-on if you got the rest of the package to go with it. Trust me I know what I'm talking about.

You my friend have to start from the bottom and work your way up. Get busy, see ya in a few weeks.

http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/

Btw out of interest were you raised by a single mum?

 

[No Leaf Clover]

Actually I was raised by a single mom, how did you know?

 

[oakraiderz2]

How the hell did you not finish freshman year in hs? Clearly the use of logic is not your forte. Yes, your ego is much too big.

 

[No Leaf Clover]

I came here looking for advice, instead I got insulted.

Thanks fellas.

 

[oakraiderz2]

I came here looking for advice, instead I got insulted.

Thanks fellas.

You cant take constructive critisism, which is unfortunate, but not suprising. Do you want us to tell you youre depressed, is that what you want to hear so you can attribute youre behavior to that instead of taking responsibility? You got rejected and youre life came crashing down. You hold yourself on a pedastal and feel entitled to certain things. Why are you getting upset because people have girlfriends? Try being a little more introspective and asking yourself these questions. I think you get your feelings hurt when your rejected because you have fake confidence. Having been told your good looking made you feel good about yourself, and thats where your confidence is derived from. You arent in control of your emotions, I AM, along with anyone else who harms your ego in anyway. Get some hobbies, read a book, find your TRUE confidence. Your self esteem is pretty low, you gotta work on that. Constantly lying is going to make you feel sh*tty because your attitude and behavior are inconsistent. Im sure that what i have written will still some way offend you...newsflash...thats a problem. Why dont you go to the bar with your friends?

 

[ChapStick]

For a guy that has not even finished Freshman year, you do communicate pretty well.

I have not finished highschool either. I dropped out my Junior year... Started working, and I've decided that I'd like to do something with my life that I can be somewhat proud of. So I am taking classes at my community college now as a working student, I am going to be going to the gym this summer when my schedule is less crazy, and I work full time. I live with my parents, but at the age of 18, that's acceptable I think and it's helping me a lot because living at home helps cut my expenses!

Like you, I have been told for the last few years of my life that I'm good looking (I lacked style freshman year). I have the problem at times of being so full of myself that it just seems to turn women off. I don't even have to say anything, they have told me it's just the way I handle myself.... Sounds stupid to say, but I see it as a compliment even though it probably isn't.

Don't be depressed man, because you're not. You have only made 2 approaches! Be happy with who you are, be positive, and the women will come on their own..

Make some plans for your life. Where do you want to be in 5 years?

Maybe move to a different location. Get more friends.. Go to the gym.. Enrich yourself in the knowledge of material that interests you. Live life to the fullest! You will find that when you are truly happy with who you are, women will take notice, and those who don't.. You will know that it is THEIR loss...

Good luck man.. I'm done with my rant.. Hope that makes some sense to ya.. lol

 

[( . )( . )]

Actually I was raised by a single mom, how did you know?

Just a guess, your overly sensitive style and loserish attitude (no offence) brought back some distant memories of my own.

Enough wank, all this can change if you want it bad enough,you know what to do.

http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/

Then when your done with that and genuinely practising it, let me know.

 

[DonJuan11]

I've been told I'm good-looking by people throughout my life, and because of that I've always been a pretty confident person. Yet this one girl I REALLY liked, rejected me. This was 3 years ago, and I never really got over that.

Being confident means to be self-assured and certain of your own abilities. You can't be that confident if you're still thinking about a breakup that happened over 3 years ago. Means you think you'll never find someone else again.

I got over the "oneitis", it's the rejection that bugs me. I met some other friends from work, and we went to the club, and I wasn't really noticing any eye contact from women, so I went on the dance floor and tried to dance with this one chick, but she said "Sorry I gotta go" and left. That was such a huge hit to my pride. That's part of the reason I've really only made 2 approaches in the last 5 years.

Whoa dude, check the ego at the door. Just because, as you say, you are good looking, girls should dance and sleep with you as soon as you say hi? I don't think so.

My family is wondering why I'm not bringing a girlfriend to family outings, and I always have to lie saying I just broke up with a girl. I'm also lying to my friends telling them I'm with this girl one week, and another the next. It's only a matter of time before I get caught up in all this.

Why are you lying? You are afraid what they going to think? That doesn't say confidence, that says insecurity. You have to be liked and are making up stories to do so.

If I don't hang out with the small group of friends that I have, there's nothing for me to do. I sit home every single weekend alone unless I go out with my guys. And those guys get women and have girlfriends and have lives. I don't.

OK then don't sit at home every weekend.

I don't have a picture, but from what I've said, do you guys think maybe I'm not as attractive as I think, or is it my ego that's too big?

It's your ego

Truthfully, you make a good king because you seem to feel every girl should sleep with you and every guy should bow down to you because you are so good looking. Give me a break. You should be put under pressure, you should join the army, get a good kick in the ass. Then you won't have time to look at the wind in the trees while your friend is sleeping with gf next door.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

If he brought sexyback, when did sexy leave?

 

[Effington]

I think it's obvious that your sheltered lifestyle has made you hyper-sensitive to each interaction you've encountered. I don't mean it in a mean way, but as you've stated, you didn't go to high school, and don't get out much. You need to get out and start talking to people more. Sites like this show that looks aren't as important as you think they are. While I don't know what you look like, I'm saying it doesn't really matter.

Sometimes rejection is good, it helps you learn what doesn't work. The guys that teach pick-up skills for cash admit that they learned by hundreds and hundreds of failures first. You just need to work on your social skills and be more comfortable talking to people, that's what this site is about, along with "playing the game" of building attraction and interest. For example, most women I'm friends with would think it'd be weird for a random guy to come up and start dancing with her in the middle of a club, especially if they get touchy-feely. Perhaps the only exception would be if they were a GREAT dancer. A better approach may have been to see her near the bar, smile and introduce yourself, and ask her to dance. She might say, "sorry, I have a boyfriend" or some other variation, but even then, you can work with that, as opposed to her just walking away, as in your example.

 

[The Deacon]

I think it's obvious that your sheltered lifestyle has made you hyper-sensitive to each interaction you've encountered. I don't mean it in a mean way, but as you've stated, you didn't go to high school, and don't get out much. You need to get out and start talking to people more. Sites like this show that looks aren't as important as you think they are. While I don't know what you look like, I'm saying it doesn't really matter.

He's right. The most important thing to learn is not to take rejection too seriously. When you have a big ego and someone defies that ego, it always makes your life feel like it's crashing down. You'd start to wonder if you're actually an attractive person when you should be doing more attempts. You've only made advances on two women in the past five years. You don't understand the social dynamics involved with relationships because you've always just been the observer.

You can't learn how to ride a bike by watching someone how to do it. From an observing standpoint, it looks pretty simple, but when you haven't learned how to balance on a moving bike, you're going to think to yourself "this is a lot harder than it looks."

So what should you do? Don't take male-female relationships too seriously. The biggest harm you can do to your love life, ironically, is to be a hopeless romantic. Women are an abundance, so if you strike out with one you gotta get back up to bat. It's that simple. After a lot of practice, you'll learn how to balance just like you would on a two-wheeler bicycle.

 

[Interceptor]

NLC, WHY havent you finished High School?
And if you have a GED, what the Fvck are you doing NOT Enrolled in College????!!!!


NLC, let's talk about why it appears you are not doing anything about your Life right now. Shall we?

 

[shinko]

Well to give a different spin on things here a few a steps i think you could make. First thing's first i think you should get some hobbies/interests that are going to get you out and about and in turn extend your social circle. Such as going to church, which is a very good way of meeting people. If you like dancing, join a salsa class or something similar. I was at one yesterday and there was litterally 50 girls to bout 3 dudes. Another thing you can try, is join a sports team, or join your local gym/ swimming pool. If your artistic maybe take up some practical application that invloves meeting similar kinds of people. Even martial arts, just something you can do on the regular and involves you widening your social circle.

The next step is have a real talk with your mates. Are they really good quality friends? If so talk to the guys you trust and who know you well and ask them why they think your not doing that well in a social context. They are going to be able you real feedback on stuff that a forum just wouldnt be able to. Don't get your knickers in a twist if/when they say things you dont like, but suck it all up and get a feel for where you truely stand. An extension of this is, ask your mates gf's if they ae decent people, what impression you give off towards girls. You might think your perfectly normal, but you might come across to a girl like your creepy/boring/shy , could be a million and one things. End of the day this is about getting some real honest feedback from people you know and trust.

Next step, now your going out and have some ideas where to focus your efforts in terms of fixing your character, its time to start doing something about those problems. Rome wasnt' buildt in a day, but it was buildt with persistance, deadication and with clear motivation and goal in mind. With your feedback its time you sit down and think on these things perhaps over the duration of a week and be brutally honest with yourself. In this time write down all the things that you would like to improve upon. Divide them into categories of small medium and large in terms of how large a task they are to achieve. These are going to be your goals and targets. Then write a list of all your qualities you believe to be your strengths. These are some of the skills you already have which are going to get you there,a list which your going to add to as time goes on. From here i'd pick a few of the things from your set of goals, 1 perhaps from each section. A short term goal is something you can achieve in the next few weeks, a middling goal 3-4 months, a long term goal around a 9months to a year.

Once you've picked your goals, break them down into really small bite size steps, something you can do each day. When you climb a mountain it's hard to see the top, but you can definitely see the next step in front of you. So say your one of your targets was, i want to be confortable chatting to girls. that could be broken down into:

confidence.
having something interesting to offer when you talk.
knowing what of topics are good ones around girls. (e.g not sports )
knowing how to flirt.
how to read body language.
good places to take girls out to.
being good talking on the phone.
etc etc

Then take each of those smaller tasks and break them down again into smaller steps and so on, until each goal is broken down into small achievable goals. The next step....unsurprisingly is start DOING them. Your going to make mistakes along the way, but by actually doing something about it your going to make progress. Each time you achieve something, tick it off, it'll help you when you have those times when your feeling low.

I've skimmed over alot of stuff but hopefully you get the idea. My 2 cents being honest with you, is that i suspect their is a fair bit of yourself you want to improve upon. It's gona take some serious time to get there. But you've got the choice to either stay put and bemoan why your friends have all the 'luck' or take life by the balls and do something about it. Hope some of this helps.

 

[Quiksilver]

Your problem isn't with your inability to get girls...

It's with your lack of direction and focus in life.

It looks to me like you've made it this far, as far as confidence goes, through pride in your appearance...

However there's probably a spot inside you that is starving... Starving for life.

It sounds like you have no real spirit and your mood/attitudes/aura is projecting this towards other people, and driving them away from you.

It's a dark place to be in, but it's an easy climb out.

You should try and live life. Stop right now, open microsoft word, and create a document of 10 different things you WANT to do, or regret NOT doing. Only 10.

Once you've done that, brainstorm ways to accomplish each and every one. You'll feel a heck of a lot better doing SOMETHING with your life, rather than nothing.

The core of a man's spirit comes from new experiences.