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whats up with this

KindredSpiritzz

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Been dating a 54 yr old woman for 6 months now, things have been great up to this point, we get along great, sex is awesome and everything seemed to be going along perfectly. We do a lot of fishing and riding motorcycle together and shes always saying how lucky she feels to be with me. The other night were texting ,she asked me if i took my bike to work and i said no it was supposed to rain so i didnt. She's told me on a few occasions i shouldnt fish without her and i always blew it off. That night she texts me
'You should really ride with me anyways, its kinda like fishing'
to which i replied , " I enhance your life by including you in MY riding and fishing. Those hobbies arent dependent on you. Take what you can get.
She flipped out and said " wow thats the most rude thing you've ever said. I dont think i want to talk to you right now and im not sure if ever. Fck off and good luck finding the next dumb girl to tolerate your inability to be human"
I apologized and clarified what i meant by that and told her i didnt want to lose her. Since then she hasnt texted me and i havent texted her either, its been one day so far. I dont think what i said was enough to get that bent out of shape over and feel like theres something else going on here and she was looking for an excuse for a fight and/or break up. I feel my only option is to go quiet and wait her out but im wondering is this some type of power play? Is there another man in the picture she's decided she wants to be with ? Im so confused cause things were going along so well for 6 months and this came out of the blue. I hate dealing with womens crap. She's already told me i couldnt have any other women on the back of my bike and i was ok with that but i feel shes getting unreasonable now implying i shouldnt ride or fish unless shes with me. Any thoughts on whats going on and how to deal with it? Shes got some stuff at my house i know shes gonna want back so eventually shes gonna have to come and get it so my plan is to be silent until she reaches out to me.
 

rart

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First mistake saying thing like " I enhance your life". This should be implied by your actions/behavior not by words. Second and biggest mistake: apologizing. What you did was put your balls on the table to show them off and as soon as she recoiled you said I'm sorry. This is weak as fak.

Do not contact her, and when she does contact you, make her earn your attention this time.
 

samspade

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That night she texts me
'You should really ride with me anyways, its kinda like fishing'
to which i replied , " I enhance your life by including you in MY riding and fishing. Those hobbies arent dependent on you. Take what you can get.
It was rude, she's right. As said above, show don't tell. Women don't want to be explained how you operate.

I apologized and clarified what i meant by that and told her i didnt want to lose her.
I actually would have apologized too, but very concisely and without saying something like "I don't want to lose you." It was a d!ck thing to say and unnecessary and she was insulted. But you overcompensated and now she knows you're not an actual d!ck but just sort of posing as one, which is worse.

The "don't ride or fish without me" business was a silly test. Of course you do what you want, without explanation or just saying "I need me time."

Now you're confused and wondering if there's another man in the picture. She's a woman, there can always be another man...but your head's in the wrong place, kemosabe. This is less about "women's crap" and more about your frame.
 

lostintime

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Her you need to take me riding it's like fishing line is a bit odd. Didn't really sit well with me in my gut when I read it. Early warning signs of a controlling person which isn't good any way you look at it. Especially if she's 54? Damn man. You should have said something like, "when are you free to go next time?" or something like that, i.e. give her the attention she's looking for while still holding your nuts in tact. I wouldn't break up with someone after something like your specific situation, but she would be on thin ice. I'd be observing her behavior very closely after that.
 

Atom Smasher

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Her demands show she is extremely insecure, and the thought of you having fun without her, especially doing the things that you sometimes do together, feels like a rejection to her.

The thing to do would have been to tell her in a very dispassionate, detached way that you do these things because you deem them to be be important to you and that’s not going to change. At that point the ball would have been in her court.

Your reaction made her afraid of you. However, I think she may be quite manipulative. Tell us, how exactly did she word TELLING you that you are not to give other women rides on your bike?
 

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KindredSpiritzz

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Tell us, how exactly did she word TELLING you that you are not to give other women rides on your bike?
I dont remember exactly but jist of her argument was that was her backseat now and no other women were allowed in it. That would of been fine with me but apparently she had an old ex BF that would give her rides occasionally and she expected me to be ok with that. She acknowledged it was a double standard but said " thats just the way it is" to which i said "yeah well that aint happening baby."
Then weeks later she started mentioning i shouldnt fish unless she was along which i just blew off and ignored it. Then she stated mentioning i shouldnt ride unless she was along which kinda pissed me off and led to the exchange in the original post.
She texted me yesterday like nothing happened. I answered but remained somewhat aloof. More i think about it more i think she was probably drunk that night. She gets emotional and a bit combative when shes been drinking.
 

Atom Smasher

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Any woman who rides with an ex boyfriend, and especially who says, "that's just the way it is", is not worthy of your time and attention.

You should ask yourself how it is that you would allow such outrageous behavior and attitudes from a woman in your life. Gets drunk and is combative... what a gem you've got there!

Reality check: This woman is a demanding b!tch and will do nothing but drag you down in life. I'm glad you're here and I hope this place will turn the light on for you. You need to kick this demanding narcissist to the curb. Then she can ride with her "ex" (who she still wants to date) all she wants.
 

oldmanofthesea

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to which i replied , " I enhance your life by including you in MY riding and fishing. Those hobbies arent dependent on you. Take what you can get.
That was extremely rude and uncalibrated. Especially the part about "take what you can get" - why on earth would you say that? It communicates that you have an extremely low opinion of her. The bit about enhancing her life was wrong too - as others have said, you don't have to say that. All you needed to say was, "Those are two things I enjoy doing for myself and I'm happy to include you most of the time" and leave it at that. Any further attempt on her side to argue with you to pin you down on the subject should be responded to with silence and distance. Her request that you only do it with her is out of line, controlling, and you are right for not accepting it, but you don't need to be extremely rude about it.

That would of been fine with me but apparently she had an old ex BF that would give her rides occasionally and she expected me to be ok with that. She acknowledged it was a double standard but said " thats just the way it is" to which i said "yeah well that aint happening baby."
This double-standard sh*t REALLY gets under my skin. It isn't a thing with women specifically though - I'd say 60% of the entire population of men and women are complete and total hypocrites. Bottom line, you did the right thing by drawing a boundary around that and telling her no, you won't accept it, and if she wants to ride with some other dude then you'll be riding with other women too. If she complains about it, again, don't argue. Never argue. Once you get your boundary across, in an adult non-emotional manner, any further arguing is met with silence and distance.
 

rart

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I dont remember exactly but jist of her argument was that was her backseat now and no other women were allowed in it. That would of been fine with me but apparently she had an old ex BF that would give her rides occasionally and she expected me to be ok with that. She acknowledged it was a double standard but said " thats just the way it is" to which i said "yeah well that aint happening baby."
Then weeks later she started mentioning i shouldnt fish unless she was along which i just blew off and ignored it. Then she stated mentioning i shouldnt ride unless she was along which kinda pissed me off and led to the exchange in the original post.
She texted me yesterday like nothing happened. I answered but remained somewhat aloof. More i think about it more i think she was probably drunk that night. She gets emotional and a bit combative when shes been drinking.

Good. Get her back in your frame. Let her say these silly things, don't have a reaction to them. Blow them off just like you been doing.

Now, to show her that she is not to control you, you have to go on a ride/fishing with just your buddies. Tell her in advance something like " oh, btw i'm going on the ride with my buddy Chris on Thursday. If she gives you crap, ignore it, and just do your thing. And you better keep those rides/ fishing with just your buds more or less regular.

She has to learn to give you your male space. If she doesn't relent, then it should be next.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Any woman who rides with an ex boyfriend, and especially who says, "that's just the way it is", is not worthy of your time and attention.

You should ask yourself how it is that you would allow such outrageous behavior and attitudes from a woman in your life. Gets drunk and is combative... what a gem you've go there!

Reality check: This woman is a demanding b!tch and will do nothing but drag you down in life. I'm glad you're here and I hope this place will turn the light on for you. You need to kick this demanding narcissist to the curb. Then she can ride with her "ex" (who she still wants to date) all she wants.
Yep. The reason we can say these things with CERTAINTY is that millions of men have been in similar positions and the outcome is the same.

Think a babe can abuse or try to abuse you mentally or abuse your life or cause you to disrespect yourself and there is no cost? There is certainly a cost!
 

mrgoodstuff

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Good. Get her back in your frame. Let her say these silly things, don't have a reaction to them. Blow them off just like you been doing.

Now, to show her that she is not to control you, you have to go on a ride/fishing with just your buddies. Tell her in advance something like " oh, btw i'm going on the ride with my buddy Chris on Thursday. If she gives you crap, ignore it, and just do your thing. And you better keep those rides/ fishing with just your buds more or less regular.

She has to learn to give you your male space. If she doesn't relent, then it should be next.
Yep if your fighting for your own male space or she's trying to shrink it then Shes just not for you.
 

KindredSpiritzz

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You should ask yourself how it is that you would allow such outrageous behavior and attitudes from a woman in your life. Gets drunk and is combative... what a gem you've got there!
dude, at 54 im picking thru dumpsters trying to find something useful. Pretty much all women this age have issues of one sort or another but Im not looking to ever marry or live with a woman again. This one has her issues but the sex is great, shes a good cook, we like to do the same things and we get along pretty good and come monday mornings i get to send her home so i'll put up with some short comings.
 

dark god

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Any woman who rides with an ex boyfriend, and especially who says, "that's just the way it is", is not worthy of your time and attention.

You should ask yourself how it is that you would allow such outrageous behavior and attitudes from a woman in your life. Gets drunk and is combative... what a gem you've got there!

Reality check: This woman is a demanding b!tch and will do nothing but drag you down in life. I'm glad you're here and I hope this place will turn the light on for you. You need to kick this demanding narcissist to the curb. Then she can ride with her "ex" (who she still wants to date) all she wants.
Op...listen to this man
 

TheFinalLine

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That night she texts me
'You should really ride with me anyways, its kinda like fishing'
to which i replied , " I enhance your life by including you in MY riding and fishing. Those hobbies arent dependent on you. Take what you can get.
She flipped out and said " wow thats the most rude thing you've ever said. I dont think i want to talk to you right now and im not sure if ever.
LMAO. Ok, this is application without a grain of sense connected to it. That ones on you. Demonstrate not communicate.
that is hilarious.
 

Atom Smasher

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dude, at 54 im picking thru dumpsters trying to find something useful. Pretty much all women this age have issues of one sort or another but Im not looking to ever marry or live with a woman again. This one has her issues but the sex is great, shes a good cook, we like to do the same things and we get along pretty good and come monday mornings i get to send her home so i'll put up with some short comings.
What do you think of people who you see picking through dumpsters? You might despise them, but more than likely you pity them, knowing that they can’t get out of that lifestyle because they can’t even remotely picture themselves getting out. They are trapped.

My advice to you is to tell yourself that you don’t need to pick through dumpsters for companionship, even at your age. I found a good woman when I was 58. I refused to settle and refused to pick through the stinking dumpster which contains the majority of women. I chose to be lonely rather than to get myself filthy and lose my own self-respect.

If you can’t lay down the law to her (by throttling the attention you give her), then she is not submissive to your leadership and is therefore a liability in your life.

Next time you lay down the law, you need to do it matter-of-factly and state it dispassionately as if it’s as obvious as the sky being blue. In other words, your law is your absolute reality and she either conforms or she goes.

Imagine being thirsty and you pour yourself a nice fresh drink of let’s say orange juice into a glass. You look at the juice in the glass and you notice that it has not confirmed to the shape of the glass. There are voids all along the inside surface, as if the juice is some kind of gel. You wouldn’t even try to drink it. You would toss it out. A refreshing, healthy drink conforms to the vessel that contains it.

An overly self-willed woman is like a substance that will not and cannot conform to the shape of its container. A worthy woman will always convey a submissive spirit to you. That doesn’t mean you rule her with an iron fist, but rather that she is pleased to submit to your authority. Within that framework you monitor yourself to avoid being a dictator. You check yourself to see that your rules are for her benefit and yours, and for the benefit of the relationship.

Stay out of the dumpster, gents. It’s very crowded in there and it stinks. The landscape outside of the dumpster is very sparsely populated, but that is where the worthy woman are. The question for every man is, “Have I the soul of a dumpster-dweller, or the soul of a free man?”
 

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