What's up with this... Long

[WilMor]

Hi, all.

Let me start by saying I am a woman in need of advice or maybe suggestions.

Okay, I was dating this guy 5 years ago, and the relationship went horrible. He cheated, treated me horrible and we ended with severe arguments and hate for each other. We didn't talk in that time period. We both went on with our lives. He got engaged and ended the relationship, and I had relationships as well.

Fast forward to last August. We ended up talking again. Everything was perfect. We spent all of our time together and everything was so much different than last time. We both felt that we were done with dating. His parents were discussing our wedding and we were discussing our future as well.

February 2007, he moves in and the first day, things went horribly wrong. He became completely different than how he was when we were dating. He was insecure, always felt I was sneaking and talking to other people. All in all, we argued all the time. He called me names, threw fits about stupid things. I am not completely innocent, because I argued back.

March 2007 I found out I was pregnant. We both had plans on ending the relationship previously, but, when we found out we discussed working on things.

Anywho, that didn't work. He moved out in April. Out of state. When he left, we hugged and termed it a "break" from things. He got to his parent's house and refused to talk to me at all.. in the beginning. Then we started talking and he found a job closer, but still 3 hours away.

We discussed me moving up there and he came down to visit on Weekends. We went shopping for the baby had a good time with each other.

I unexpectedly had the baby early. He was there when I was in the hospital for 3 days, and 2 days after she was born. When he left to go back to work, he said bye, I will call you later, I love you.

Anywho, that was 2 months ago. I haven't heard from him since the baby was 2 days old. He refuses to answer my calls, won't respond to emails and he even had the receptionist at his job tell me he didn't work there when I called... (that was a lie). Of course I got pissed off and called him an a-hole on a few messages etc. But, how could someone leave their baby in Intensive Care and not call to see how she is doing....

What the heck is going on????

 

[Randallpink83]

you just might have walked into the wrong website... maybe you ment to goto GirlsDrama&Issues.com???

Sorry your BF turned out to be a ****. But if you really want advise from the forum here it is... Next his A$$ and start going out and approaching more girls, spin those plates.

 

[WilMor]

Well, I wanted advice from a man. For girls and women, it is unthinkable to do that to your child, but, maybe from a man's perspective, it is different.

 

[Randallpink83]

well us guys are stupid. So I just simply look at the situation and I don't see much mystery to it.. obviously he doesnt want you and he doesnt want a child.
That sucks that he is treating you that way, and I personally don't think very highly of him for doing it, but im sure he has his reasons and is selfishly trying to make himself happy (or avoid being unhappy)....
I know love hurts when you lose it but you gotta get over your oneitus (haha!) and move on and think about making yourself happy. Hope you and your baby are well...




so anyhow, on to something important, what do you look like? whats your number...

 

[WilMor]

You wouldn't believe he is 27. I didn't know men still acted like this at that age!!!!

 

[WilMor]

Also, he was the one discussing us getting back together when we did talk. Not me. I just told him that I wanted him to have a relationship with his daughter and us to be cordial. He discussed marriage and me moving. This was all up until the day she was born.......

 

[j0n024]

I see a very very sad situation in which both of you were doing a sew saw sorta effect if you know what I mean. First you guy's were nice then it went sour so you guy's broke up then you guy's got back toghetor and it turned to sh1t. It seems to me he just wanted to fvck you and that is it , he knew that he could get some from you and he did...did he not? He kept stringing you along to get your pvssy as long as he can but now that you have a kid if he comes back then he is saddled with you because of your kid, I'm sorry but that is how I see it and that is how it really does look like what I would do is try to get in contact with his parents and tell them the deal and then maybe you can salvage something for your daughter(Congrats by the way whats the name?) Other then that you should just move on and have a good life for your daughter's sake at least and dont become a "Man Hater" because of one jackas ok good luck.

 

[WilMor]

I don't think it was all about sex. If that was the case, I don't think he would have moved in. He gave up his apartment, sold some of his furniture etc. He wanted the relationship, I didn't but, we spent so much time and loved each other that I figured why not.

His parents wanted to see us together. His mom was so excited about being a grandmom for the first time that she went and bought everything for the baby. (I didn't ask, she offered)

Anywho, she came to the hospital 2x to see her and said she would come every other day until she came home.

I haven't heard from her since. I called once and left a message that she didn't return.

 

[j0n024]

Come on think about it...this is free sex that he doesn't really need to do anything for anymore. But then came the baby and everything changed he wouldn't be able to hang out with his friends or party he would be home all the time with the kid, you dont have to fight me and I am not trying to attack you because he is gone is he not? I think he got cold feet when he was in the hospital and all these things were going through his head about being "Tied" down and not having a life anymore so he told you bye and that was it on his part he probably told his mom about the situation and now it would have been awkward of her going to see you and the baby when her son isnt even with you anymore.
PS: you still havent told us the baby's name and how old.

 

[WilMor]

The funny thing is, he has NO FRIENDS!!! Not one!!! lol He never wanted to go out and party or go to the bar for happy hour, nothing... lol.. We argued about that quite a bit. I would try and get him to go out but, he is a home body. He is a computer nerd, mommas boy, who sits in the house and plays on the internet, read the stock quotes, breaks out in a deep sweat if he hears the words economy and recession... etc.
One would think he was terrified or scared about giving up life in the fast lane, but, he was never that type, that's what baffles me......

Anywho, the baby is 2 months old named Lauren. She is doing great....

Well, it hurts taht she won't have a dad in her life or grandparents for that matter.

His mom assured me, that even if we didn't work out, she would always be there for the baby.

 

[Interceptor]

I don't think it was all about sex.



You're wrong. It was all about HIS needs, not yours. If that was the case, I don't think he would have moved in.

Wrong again, He moved in to secure his constant supply of sex

He gave up his apartment, sold some of his furniture etc. He wanted the relationship,
He wanted security and your sex. he didn't want a "relationship"

I didn't

You're not being truthful

but, we spent so much time and loved

That was not love.

each other that I figured why not.Becasue you must have never been truly loved by a genuine Masculine mature man

His parents wanted to see us together. His mom was so excited about being a grandmom for the first time that she went and bought everything for the baby. (I didn't ask, she offered)

Anywho, she came to the hospital 2x to see her and said she would come every other day until she came home.

I haven't heard from her since. I called once and left a message that she didn't return.

You need to get away from these people.

The more you try to get from them, the more you TAKE, the less you will GET , and the MORE YOU WILL PUSH THEM AWAY.

And you know what?
That's what you need.
You need to find out who you are.
you need to know what Love really is.
You need to understand your personal value.
You need to develop a personal Boundary.
You need to let go of these things that are destroying your life.

And with a baby, you have NO TIME to delude yourself further in the pursuit of this amn and his family.

 

[Interceptor]

The funny thing is, he has NO FRIENDS!!! Not one!!!



It's not funny, It's a red flag. I understand if a person is kind of shy. But there's a difference between beuing shy and being anti social and not having people skills lol He never wanted to go out and party or go to the bar for happy hour, nothing... lol.. We argued about that quite a bit. But yet you still want him and stayed with him.


I would try and get him to go out but, he is a home body. He is a computer nerd, mommas boy, who sits in the house and plays on the internet, read the stock quotes, breaks out in a deep sweat if he hears the words economy and recession... etc.

RED FLAGS, WOMAN! Not marriage material or father material!

One would think he was terrified or scared about giving up life in the fast lane, but, he was never that type, that's what baffles me...... A male with no goal. No future. No prospects. Immature. Terrified. Lack of Confidence. Insecure. Anti Social. No Personal Boundary. No relationship skills. No concept of what a reall relationship is like.Shall I go on?

Anywho, the baby is 2 months old named Lauren. She is doing great....

Well, it hurts taht she won't have a dad in her life or grandparents for that matter.It does hurt. But you should have never put yourself in that postion. Now, you have a baby. Now you have to dig your way out of this.

His mom assured me, that even if we didn't work out, she would always be there for the baby.She lied

Get yourself together.

 

[WilMor]

I agree that it was all about his needs.

He did want a relationship and he asked a few times before I said yes. At times, most times, he took the relationship more seriously than I did. That was another thing that we argued about. He said I seemed to casual about the whole thing. Every weekend he wanted to sit in the house and act like an old married couple cuddled on the couch watching movies.

Being honest, I never loved him. He said it first and I said it back hoping that my feelings would grow to love, but it went sour before I could get there. He was very insecure. He was scared that I was going to leave him for someone else. He constantly wanted reassurance that I wasn't going to leave. The biggest reason for the break up was his insecurity.

I agree that I have never been loved by a masculine, mature man. He was never that.

I can say that I don't want anything from them except for my daughter to have a father and grandparents in her life. It hurts to know that she won't have that. I can't force it though.

I don't want to get back with him. I just want him to be there for his daughter. I guess the question I had is is there anything I can do to get him to realize that.

 

[WilMor]

I agree that it was all about his needs.

He did want a relationship and he asked a few times before I said yes. At times, most times, he took the relationship more seriously than I did. That was another thing that we argued about. He said I seemed to casual about the whole thing. Every weekend he wanted to sit in the house and act like an old married couple cuddled on the couch watching movies.

Being honest, I never loved him. He said it first and I said it back hoping that my feelings would grow to love, but it went sour before I could get there. He was very insecure. He was scared that I was going to leave him for someone else. He constantly wanted reassurance that I wasn't going to leave. The biggest reason for the break up was his insecurity.

I agree that I have never been loved by a masculine, mature man. He was never that.

I can say that I don't want anything from them except for my daughter to have a father and grandparents in her life. It hurts to know that she won't have that. I can't force it though.

I don't want to get back with him. I just want him to be there for his daughter. I guess the question I had is is there anything I can do to get him to realize that.

 

[WilMor]

I agree that it was all about his needs.

He did want a relationship and he asked a few times before I said yes. At times, most times, he took the relationship more seriously than I did. That was another thing that we argued about. He said I seemed to casual about the whole thing. Every weekend he wanted to sit in the house and act like an old married couple cuddled on the couch watching movies.

Being honest, I never loved him. He said it first and I said it back hoping that my feelings would grow to love, but it went sour before I could get there. He was very insecure. He was scared that I was going to leave him for someone else. He constantly wanted reassurance that I wasn't going to leave. The biggest reason for the break up was his insecurity.

I agree that I have never been loved by a masculine, mature man. He was never that.

I can say that I don't want anything from them except for my daughter to have a father and grandparents in her life. It hurts to know that she won't have that. I can't force it though.

I don't want to get back with him. I just want him to be there for his daughter. I guess the question I had is is there anything I can do to get him to realize that.

 

[Interceptor]

I agree that it was all about his needs.

He did want a relationship and he asked a few times before I said yes. At times, most times, he took the relationship more seriously than I did. That was another thing that we argued about. He said I seemed to casual about the whole thing. Every weekend he wanted to sit in the house and act like an old married couple cuddled on the couch watching movies.

Being honest, I never loved him. He said it first and I said it back hoping that my feelings would grow to love, but it went sour before I could get there. He was very insecure. He was scared that I was going to leave him for someone else. He constantly wanted reassurance that I wasn't going to leave. The biggest reason for the break up was his insecurity.

I agree that I have never been loved by a masculine, mature man. He was never that.

I can say that I don't want anything from them except for my daughter to have a father and grandparents in her life. It hurts to know that she won't have that. I can't force it though.

I don't want to get back with him. I just want him to be there for his daughter. I guess the question I had is is there anything I can do to get him to realize that.

Yes you can. Go get a lawyer. He will pay child support eventually.
However, I don't see him being a good father for the time being.

You need to go back and reread my posts, and be honest to yourself. You owe it to yourself and your daughter.

 

[WilMor]

A male with no goal. No future. No prospects. Immature. Terrified. Lack of Confidence. Insecure. Anti Social. No Personal Boundary. No relationship skills. No concept of what a reall relationship is like.Shall I go on?



The only goal he has is to make money. That is what he said before. He has his master's degree and has a very good job and I think that is all that matters or is important to him.

But, you are dead on with everything else.

 

[Interceptor]

A male with no goal. No future. No prospects. Immature. Terrified. Lack of Confidence. Insecure. Anti Social. No Personal Boundary. No relationship skills. No concept of what a reall relationship is like.Shall I go on?



The only goal he has is to make money. That is what he said before. He has his master's degree and has a very good job and I think that is all that matters or is important to him.

But, you are dead on with everything else.

Go see a lawyer and make sure he gets involved in Lauren's life.

You are going to forget abou thim as a husband, boyfriend, lover, father whatever...he is out for the time being.

You are going to get you rhead straight and concentrate on your health and well being and that of Lauren.

Eat healthy. Sleep well. Laugh well. Dream big dreams. and stay the course.
Don't live in the past.
What's done is done.

Now it's your trun to get yourself together and move on.

 

[WilMor]

Go see a lawyer and make sure he gets involved in Lauren's life.

You are going to forget abou thim as a husband, boyfriend, lover, father whatever...he is out for the time being.

You are going to get you rhead straight and concentrate on your health and well being and that of Lauren.

Eat healthy. Sleep well. Laugh well. Dream big dreams. and stay the course.
Don't live in the past.
What's done is done.

Now it's your trun to get yourself together and move on.[/B]

We are scheduled to go to court on the 10th of December. We shall see what happens. I guess anything else is out of the question as far as him being a father to her.

 

[j0n024]

hehe Interceptor you seem like a big brother the way you talk to her.....lol did I just amog you lol? But seriously ya you should just forget him and move on, Did you say you didnt want to have a man in your life anymore or were you saying you didnt want him in your life anymore sorry didnt understand.

You have a big responsibility now that you have little Lauren to take care of and that might not give you lots of time to find a real man to be with but youll do just fine and at least you have your parents to help you out dont you?
PS: look on the bright side you are now considered a MILF....lol unless your ugly lol.