Whats up with this broad?

[jlujan]

Hi all,

I am starting this new relationship with a woman i met in highschool, she was very popular and i was sort of shy and so i never tought about asking her out at all, we met recently and i invited her to eat at my restaurant, i was not asking her for a date, i was merely asking her to try our new menu anytime, i was surprised when she took the offer as a personal matter, so i had dinner with her and we talked. She told me she has always liked me, and that she found me very atractive, (i went from a shy nerd in highschool to a good looking and succesful person today), anyways, i really like her, and she says she likes me as well, she initiated a conversation about marriage and kids, wich i found a little too soon, but i wasnt turned off because i am not afraid of commitment. I am 32 years old, and i am really liking this person, she has already introduced me to her family, but and heres the reason for this post, about a week ago we where on the beach, the mood was perfect, we where on a clif, moonlight, and i went for it, i kissed her, she did kiss me back but i felt she pulled back and stopped the kiss prematurely, anyways, we talked about afterwards, and she told me it was too soon. We had a conversation and she told me she finds it very difficult to believe i am such a great guy, she says she doesnt want to get hurt, and it had been a year since she broke up with her ex with whom she was engaged and she wants to take it easy.

Why talk about marriage, kids, love and commitment and be so defensive and careful? i am also afraid but i want to give it a shot, and i am afraid she is either confused, not honest, or you tell me?

Is she afraid of not getting hurt and i should take it easy, or is something bad in the works here?

 

[jlujan]

By the way, we hug, kiss anywhere except on the lips, cuddle, hold hands, and pretty much everything except kissing.

 

[Alphathree]

"Why talk about marriage, kids, love and commitment and be so defensive and careful? i am also afraid but i want to give it a shot, and i am afraid she is either confused, not honest, or you tell me?"

This is LOGICAL. Stop that. Women aren't logical.

She's babbling about marriage, kids, and love because that's what she wants. That's what she's built to want.

But she's resisting you because she was hurt in the past.

This woman is going to be a drain on your time. Try to kiss her again. If she pulls back or obviously resists say, "look, I'm getting old, and I've gotta move on. I hope you find a great guy."

 

[jlujan]

Originally posted by Alphathree
This is LOGICAL. Stop that. Women aren't logical.

She's babbling about marriage, kids, and love because that's what she wants. That's what she's built to want.

But she's resisting you because she was hurt in the past.

This woman is going to be a drain on your time. Try to kiss her again. If she pulls back or obviously resists say, "look, I'm getting old, and I've gotta move on. I hope you find a great guy."

If she was any other chick i wouldnt bother with her, but i do know her, she lives near my house, and we both have mutual friends, i can't be that direct with her. I guess i want to know if its truly possible for her to want to take it easy, or if shes just not really into me.

For example, i talked to her on the phone this morning, obviously to find out if she wants to get togheter, and all she does is tell me she is going to meet with a girlfriend of her and we should talk later tonight, i am thinking "what the do you want then?" i am not going to beg here, so i tell her if theres a problem, and shes like "not at all" so i am supposed to call her later on tonight to find out if she wants to get togheter.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Originally posted by jlujan
If she was any other chick i wouldnt bother with her, but i do know her, she lives near my house, and we both have mutual friends, i can't be that direct with her. I guess i want to know if its truly possible for her to want to take it easy, or if shes just not really into me.

For example, i talked to her on the phone this morning, obviously to find out if she wants to get togheter, and all she does is tell me she is going to meet with a girlfriend of her and we should talk later tonight, i am thinking "what the do you want then?" i am not going to beg here, so i tell her if theres a problem, and shes like "not at all" so i am supposed to call her later on tonight to find out if she wants to get togheter.

Ok I'm going to be a little blunt and give you some advice at the same time.

First of all, your already giving this girl waaaaaaaaay too much power. Understand that women don't understand logic, they might say they know what they want, but they have no clue. Right now this girl just wants to relax and get to know you s-l-o-w-l-y. However she's dictating the agenda, the when, the where and how much. Not good!! To top it off, she's ordering you around like a little puppy dog and your following her lead. "Call me later tonight." WTF!! Dood, your 32, your successful, your attractive (according to her) get your shiat together and go meet more people. Go meet new girls, new friends and DATE A LOT!! Find out what you want in a girl.

I see these cases all too often. A guy has his life together in every aspect except the girl. What does he do? Falls for the first girl thats decent looking and gives him attention. Remember, by joining this site, you signed a unoffical oath to yourself to "be the prize." Be the selector, not the selectee. Never, ever let the woman dicate the agenda because if you do, you've already lost. Why? Because your chasing her, mistake #1. Your also following her orders, mistake #2. And your also spending too much time with her, or thinking about her, big mistake #3.

Remember in the beginning of my post I said woman have no idea what they really want. So if she says she's scared to get hurt blah blah blah, BACK OFF!! Give her space and let her come to you. I can already tell you call her more often than she calls you and you want to spend all your free time with her. Never good!! You might think with age things change. As in, women don't play games, they want to settle down etc. I'm here to tell you the games never stop with good looking woman, it just matures on to a different level.

So here's you game plan bro. Start hanging with your buddies more, spend your free time doing things YOU enjoy and completely back off from this girl. She's obiviously either bullshyting you on her interest level or she really does need space. If your wining and dining her, and your not even able to kiss her on the lips, your headed for chump-ville.


Relax, re-evalute and execute.



PIMP

 

[jlujan]

Thanks for the advice pimp,

Look, i have no trouble getting ***** at all, specially in my line of work, thats not my problem, i have tons of friends and can and do go out a lot, i usually handle women pretty well, its either my way or the highway, i am pretty good at that, but with this woman, i cant be as DonJuan as i wish i could be, like i said, i know her family and her friends, i have a reputation to protect.

Having said that, i think i am just not going to call her anymore, and if she calls me, i am going to explain to her that i am a pretty honest guy, and if she wants my friendship, shes got it, but i am not going to put myself in a situation where i am being tested, i dont deserve that.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by jlujan
Hi all,

I am starting this new relationship with a woman i met in highschool, she was very popular and i was sort of shy and so i never tought about asking her out at all, we met recently and i invited her to eat at my restaurant, i was not asking her for a date, i was merely asking her to try our new menu anytime, i was surprised when she took the offer as a personal matter, so i had dinner with her and we talked. She told me she has always liked me, and that she found me very atractive, (i went from a shy nerd in highschool to a good looking and succesful person today), anyways, i really like her, and she says she likes me as well, she initiated a conversation about marriage and kids, wich i found a little too soon, but i wasnt turned off because i am not afraid of commitment. I am 32 years old, and i am really liking this person, she has already introduced me to her family, but and heres the reason for this post, about a week ago we where on the beach, the mood was perfect, we where on a clif, moonlight, and i went for it, i kissed her, she did kiss me back but i felt she pulled back and stopped the kiss prematurely, anyways, we talked about afterwards, and she told me it was too soon. We had a conversation and she told me she finds it very difficult to believe i am such a great guy, she says she doesnt want to get hurt, and it had been a year since she broke up with her ex with whom she was engaged and she wants to take it easy.

Why talk about marriage, kids, love and commitment and be so defensive and careful? i am also afraid but i want to give it a shot, and i am afraid she is either confused, not honest, or you tell me?

Is she afraid of not getting hurt and i should take it easy, or is something bad in the works here?

She talks about marriage and kids while telling you a KISS is moving too fast? I call her on playing games and teasing you.
I would not say drop her yet, but tread carefully and see if she's luring you into something if you know what I mean.....

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by jlujan
Look, i have no trouble getting ***** at all, specially in my line of work, thats not my problem,

Are you a pimp or something?

 

[Alphathree]

Honestly, when I read that you were 30-something in your OP, I was surprised. The way you describe the way you let her treat you, I figured you were like 18.

I'm 22, and I thought you were definitely younger than me.

Look, she's definitely INTERESTED in you, but you're FAILING her tests. That's the answer to all of your questions. You're being too damned logical.

Never think about why she tests or what she means. Just pass her god damned tests by being a man.

You are living in her reality.
You are giving her the power.
You are following her orders.
You are supplicating.
You are communicating on every single level that YOU WANT HER and YOU'LL PLAY HER GAMES to GET HER.

This is NOT passing her tests.

If you pass her tests, she will go from interested to very attracted.

If you continue to fail, she will go from interested to cold.

I realize you're here in a sense to try to rationalize your behaviour or her behaviour, or just to talk.

But we're trying to give you actual advice that will probably work well for you if you follow it.

If you don't want to take that advice, there's nothing we can do.

"You can only lead a horse to water."

 

[Tazman]

i think i am just not going to call her anymore, and if she calls me, i am going to explain to her that i am a pretty honest guy, and if she wants my friendship, shes got it, but i am not going to put myself in a situation where i am being tested, i dont deserve that.

That doesn't sound bad at all. Put her in the friends zone until she gives you what you want. I guess when you say it, don't make it sound all serious, make it more matter-of-fact like it isn't a big deal.

 

[jlujan]

So what should i do with her? drop her, pretend i am losing interest in her, make her a friend? just go on and do my own thing? how do i "pass her test"?

 

[Alphathree]

Originally posted by jlujan
So what should i do with her? drop her, pretend i am losing interest in her, make her a friend? just go on and do my own thing? how do i "pass her test"?

It's hard for me to tell you exactly what to do because I'm not you and you'll never communicate to me all the specifics over a message board.

Just remember that whatever you do, do it with unconditional love. (I'm just preaching my other favorite PUA, Stephane, here.)

In other words if you "drop her" or "lose interest in her" or LJBF her, don't do it with hate or guilt or vengence or anything negative like that.

Love her as a human being, always. You don't communicate this part with words.

If you had to give away your favorite pet cat (or dog) for its own good, how would you act?

My GENERAL recommendation to you is the following. Actually, I've never really explained what I do, so this is good for me too in terms of verbalizing this.

For any interaction over any medium:

You can initiate it OR she can initiate it
You can end it OR she can end it

In your case, I recommend letting her do ALL of the interaction initiation for a week or two. Just go on with your life until she makes the effort to contact you.

When she does, make sure you end the interaction, not her.

In general, this is a good rule of thumb. Let her initiate more often than you, and end it before she does more often than not.

Start with that. It's simple. It works. It'll build up the attraction again if there's anything left to salvage.

It sounds easy, but I'm not even convinced you'll do it. And it's not easy.

She's gonna be on your mind. You're going to want to call her or whatever.

Resist. Unlike the borg, it's not futile.

It doesn't matter whatever crazy AFC needy desparate thoughts flow through your head as long as you FILTER them.

E.g. girl messages me, the RAFC is me is like, "OMFG she's so hot, does she like me? I want to screw her badly. What's she thinking? Why is she messaging me? I don't really deserve her."

But what do I actually say? "Hey."

Once you convince yourself that these thoughts are stupid, they'll have less power over you, and fade over time.

Good luck.

 

[libre]

Hello

She's probably also about 30 so her biological clock is running. She wants kids and all the rest but she teases you and wants you to chase her. Like an other person answered, she is establishing her power in the relationship and wants you to kowtow to her. Gently pull away and you will see her running back to you. You will get your power back.

She probably read the recent book «He's just not that into you» (correct title?). If I deduct correctly that book tells women that if the man does not chase her, he's not really «fully» interested in her. She's teasing you to up her attractiveness as she knows that being too available kills interest.

"...Having said that, i think i am just not going to call her anymore, and if she calls me, i am going to explain to her that i am a pretty honest guy, and if she wants my friendship, shes got it, but i am not going to put myself in a situation where i am being tested, i dont deserve that."

I think that this is a reasonable attitude that you can adopt. It is a clear headed answer that will not alineate yourself in your community. It is possible that she will realize that she is pushing you away and that is not what she wants.

Good luck sir.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by jlujan
she says she doesnt want to get hurt, and it had been a year since she broke up with her ex with whom she was engaged and she wants to take it easy.

DAMAGED GOODS

You're not her ex.

For her to treat all men like they're going to be just like her ex and hurt her feelings is insulting to you as an individual person.

But I understand. Maybe she DOES need a little time. Maybe she'll loosen up pretty quickly as she gets her confidence back. She may just need a little encouragement. Stick it out for now.

But if she takes too long, then you should consider cutting bait and moving on to the next woman. You don't want to spend too much time of your life waiting for her to get over her ex.

 

[zerocelcius]

I don't get the subject line?