Whats the funniest thing you seen or heard today

[avrilishot]

I want to start a comedy thread so everyday post the funniest thing you seen or heard today. so I will post first.

Well so far today I was at the grocery store cause I needed to get a tooth brush and I was standing in front of this 30 year old man, and I noticed he keeped checking this lady out that was 25 that was in front of him and he was so noticable. so after the tenth time he looks down and I know hes checking out her ass and as he does the lady looks at him with a creeped out look and he turns away so fast . and I almost burst out laughing. to me it was funny. haha.

so now your turn?

 

[Warboss Alex]

some guy literally humping the bar to get a rep on an incline press.

the same guy said to me later on "Man, save some plates for us. You got all the big ones there."

 

[thefonz]

There's a one way street that leads to all the dorms on the North Campus of my college. For some reason this dope turns out the wrong side as I'm pulling out of the gym entrance and proceeds to drive in the wrong direction of a very narrow one way road that alot of people drive down.

He eventually was trapped face to face with a line of cars that were honking at him for being retarded. WHen he tried to turn around he kept getting stuck and there was about 10 cars that got trapped waiting for this guy to turn around on a tight narrow road.

I actually took out a bag of popcorn on the side of the road watching the entertainment. Hilarious.

 

[PeterNorthisawesome]

Paris Hilton has a NEW SONG ON THE FREAKNIG RADIO, I didn't know she sang I think she should stay being a porn star.

 

[avrilishot]

Also I forgot to mention yesterday I was watching celebrity deahmatch and they have new episodes and anyways I was watching the Tony Hawk vs. Bam Margera fight and the damn thing was funny. This big dude Don vito ends up eating Tony Hawk and Bam kills don vito. it was hillarious.

 

[A-Unit]

Re:

*Brings to mind the season finale of "Family Guy" when Stewie is seeking his real father...He ends up with a camper off road, Brian is asleep, and the camper is bumping around. Startled, Brian wakes up to a cracked-out Stewie who took speed pills, driving through the desert. He asks him to stop, pleads to pullover, and says he can't. He keeps going until he crashs it in a ditch. He continutes as if he is driving, although the camper is face down in a ditch. I laughed, couldn't breathe, and then caught myself 2 minutes later. Last time I laughed that hard was the barfing/ipicack (sp?) scene of family when Peter says "Whoever pukes last, gets the pie!" Best line: I don't wanna, I don't wanna, I don't wanna...BARRRFFFFF.


*I love animals. My most recent episode was with my own ****zu, a dog I've since given to my mother to replace her lost dog. My dog, weighing only 11lbs, makes up for it with his attitude, but sometimes the "universe" puts him in his place, since he thinks he can run around barking at people and generally sit wherever he likes. (****zu's are very self-entitling). Needless to say, he'd come up to me when I was visiting and barked tons. And his normal habit is then to run and grab a shyt load of toys, drag them everywhere, then just sit wherever he likes. Well, I through a stuffed ball right at him, a soft one. It lands, just under the cabinet door of my parent's tv shelving system perfectly, so the ball is sticking out JUST enough to tempt him to get it. Sure enough he dives, full leap from the couch for the ball, and CLUNK, he gets the door first no ball. Doesn't. Even. Move. The. Ball. I sat there, dying laughing at how dumb he was. And more so, because I know he just sits with whoever he wants, and isn't really loyal to any one person. After he knocked himself near out, he gets up, BARKS at the ball, like it's the BALLS fault, and walks away. I left the ball there hoping we could get a re-enactment of the scene, but alas, he's yet to repeat.

I have had many times where the glass doors to our deck are clean enough that he jumps right into it. Luckily he hasn't broken his neck or the door.

*Good response I heard.

Me: "Which way does my front porch face?"
Someone: "The back?"
Me: "Um, let me repeat, which way does my front porch face?"
Someone: "Oh, yeah, the front, that way."
Me: "Thank You."



More to come. A good, happy thread.



A-Unit

 

[guess_who]

I was looking through a yearbook with some friends. We came to the page for boys track. At the bottom of the page was a picture of three track guys with their arms around each other. The kid in the middle had a huge boner.

 

[avrilishot]

to the person above thats sick but funny haha.

 

[typical]

A-unit next time you get your dog to do something like that have a camcorder ready.

Funniest thing that happened to me was this morning I'm driving by and my current g/f's brother driving in the opposite direction slows down (residential street) and gives me the whole "where the fu(k do you think your going looking so flash" look. (fella hates me for some reason)

 

[diplomatic_lies]

The fat folks who come to mcdonalds and order a large meal with a DIET coke still cracks me up. Unfortunately we dont have supersize in australia, that would've been funnier.

 

[Docs]

I was discussing with my friend about this girl, and I said I was a little bit scared of what to expect....and he says

"Don't worry about it."

Douche,

 

[avrilishot]

Well I was watching tv with my familly today and anyways my sister and her boyfriend come in and sit next to me on the couch. Then my dad looks at my sisters boyfriend and says why are you wearing girl shoes. so I look at his shoes and start lauging hahaha He was wearing these chick sandles and he was fuking serious. haha it was hillarious.

 

[djbr]

A guy who used to buy some stuff from me, walked around with a bag full of bullets and a gun. He is old, like 61 years old. Really crazy guy. Today I found out that this guy was messing around on the highway and the cops catched him. He got fed up and shoot the cop, who was wearing protection.

Talk about an idiot. LOL.

 

[Rocko]

well, not really TODAY, but when i was at work yesterday (restaurant, we got slammed), i looked back at a HB8 totally eat it on one of the corners, slipped straight on her ass into a puddle of dirty water haha (no doubt i took the moment to tease her).

Last night at a party when everyone started dancing, i saw some guys dancing who thought they were good, but they were like 5 feet away (literally) from the girls, grinding nothing, with their arms flailing as if they were swating flies.

 

[djbr]

The fat folks who come to mcdonalds and order a large meal with a DIET coke still cracks me up. Unfortunately we dont have supersize in australia, that would've been funnier.

HEY! I used to do that!!!!!



I laughed at my hipocrisy too. But it reduced the guilt... (but not the bodyfat)

 

[Microphone Fiend]

well not today really, but the other day at the gym, the guy didnt read the sign with the BIG RED WRITING and proceded to push the fire alarm door and then walk around like a chicken with his head cut off as the sirens blared

 

[Docs]

well not today really, but the other day at the gym, the guy didnt read the sign with the BIG RED WRITING and proceded to push the fire al

Haha...what?

 

[IndieWeaR]

this >>>> http://ebaumsworld.com/2006/06/powerrangers.html

"mothaf*cka do u know where im from....ni*gga froosty pookie eddie eddie."

 

[Slevin]

...

 

[guess_who]

Dr.Beard's thread.