What's the difference between a woman's sincere concern and a test or manipulation?

[jafyk]

One of the problems I encountered in my last relationship was that my ex gf said that I REFUSED to give her what she wanted. I feel I like I treated her fairly but she claimed I was self fish and didn't do much for her except fvck her. Sometimes she conceded that I did do things for her. I am not one for keeping scores of what you do for someone. Well, that'a a lil back ground info but my questions are as follows:
1) What's the difference between a girl having a legit concern and just whining and trying to test you to get her way?
2) If a girl is cursing you out , crying and being in your face with a claim of being treated unfairly. How do you guys just deny your feelings and act like it's nothing and just pass this supposed test? This makes no sense to me. If I walked up to you and started talking crap to your face and bla bla you're more than likely to punch me. So, why is it I read all these posts here that make it seem like it's just some other test you take in school. Where as your buttons are really being pushed by the girl and I'm taking all I have in me not to hit her?

 

[inerte]

If I concede her wish, will it improve the relationship in a way that I want?

 

[AKA FLEX]

You know if you really did something wrong or not. If she is constantly in your face about s--- that shouldn't be important, it doesn't matter if it's a test or not; that is not someone you want to waste your time on.