What's my responsibility in this non-committed relationship?

[CoolRunning]

I've been seeing this girl for 3 months. I'm 27, she's 30.

Positives:
- she's got great tits
- she's a good conversationalist
- she does lots of interesting things, and has lots of interesting friends
- she's very low maintenance

Negatives:
- the sex is not that good, though we do have plenty of it
- she's very passive and indecisive
- she is cute, but kind of thick and not "hot"

Anyway, we're not committed right now. We see each other twice a week or so (sex every time), but we've had the conversation about seeing other people, and we are both sleeping with other people.

I'm actually extremely happy with things right now. I like this girl, and I enjoy spending time with her, but I'm not ready for any commitment, nor is she someone I would want to be committed with (primarily because of the sex). I know she likes me too, and is happy with the way things are.

However, it sure seems like a situation where one of us will start falling for the other... and it ain't gonna be me falling for her.

I'm just wondering what you consider my responsibility here. Should I check in with her from time to time to make sure she's still okay with our non-commited relationship? Or should I wait for her to bring something up?

 

[MatureDJ]

You are probably downplaying her thickness - I would have a hunch that she is almost a tub (and would be definitely be a tub once you would knock her up, which is a major reason why you don't want to commit to her.) So even though she has great teats, she is basically unattractive to you to some extent.

You are happy because she is a fuuck buddy, and you are being satisifed on that level while you try to "trade up". She probably does not really wish to date others, but she knows that you have this desire (again, because she is not attractive), so to maintain some dignity, she says that she will see others.

This sounds like a situation of some guy I know. He kept on hitting this chick while he still had his freedom to try to date others. Well, eventually the inevitable "accident" happened and now they have 2 kids, and she is shaped like a bowling ball. I presume that he is still hitting it regularly (but interesting, she seemed to not have any more "accidents."

Actually, aside from the chances of an accident, you have a good position. If she would ever get another man that she felt she had a better chance at a real relationship, she would dump you in a second, and then your situation would become clear.

 

[CoolRunning]

Hahahaha, are you for real?

 

[Metro3pilot]

However, it sure seems like a situation where one of us will start falling for the other... and it ain't gonna be me falling for her.

uh huh ...so do you think she's as worried as you are about the situation ?

:rockon:

 

[CoolRunning]

uh huh ...so do you think she's as worried as you are about the situation ?

:rockon:

Dunno...if anything, I think she likes me more than I like her. But I don't have anything concrete to hang that on. We have a sleepover occasionally. Had one last night, and she bought me a card that said basically "I like you".

Not looking for Dr. Phil here, just wondering what the right thing to do is.

 

[STR8UP]

Tough call.

I wouldn't "keep checking" with her, but it's always good to know where you stand.

A chick I was dating last year I thought was a casual thing. We got together once or twice a week for a drink or whatever and some sex. Come to find out from her best friend that SHE thought we had something more. Funny, that, cause if that was the case then she was technically CHEATING on me when she started seeing another guy.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. As long as you don't escalate things and you both seem cool with it, don't rock the boat. It's HER fault if she assumes anything when you haven't led her on.

 

[STR8UP]

And don't be overly concerned about a chick's feelings in a case like this. I have made that mistake many times in my life and usually it works out that I am the one getting shafted as a result. Do what you gotta do man. 95% of the time it's gonna end anyway and if you are Mr Nice Guy then YOU are the one who is going to get hurt.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...I'm just wondering what you consider my responsibility here. Should I check in with her from time to time to make sure she's still okay with our non-commited relationship? Or should I wait for her to bring something up?

Keep things status quo and don't do things that would make her believe that your relationship is anything more than what it is.

 

[MacAvoy]

Whatever you do, DO NOT BRING IT UP EVER. You'll come across as afc and might as well dig your own grave at that point.

 

[MacAvoy]

Only CaptainSaveAHoe is worried about not hurting a girls' feelings

 

[squirrels]

Responsibility in a non-committed relationship? Isn't that an oxymoron?

 

[Vulpine]

I was just about to post the exact same thing, squirrels!

responsible? commit? Uh...

Short answer: "None."

CoolRunning, why are you an older woman's dildo ("boytoy"), anyway?
She's not a good FB if the sex isn't good and she's "thick". So, what are you getting out of it? Where is it going? Are you that hard up for a warm, wet hole that you have to fux fat, older chicks?

Use her as a recepticle until you get some other plates, then move on.

 

[Bonhomme]

OK. So she's got some things going for her (interesting, fun, available), and you're attracted enough to her to have her as a friend with benefits, but not more.

I second what Francisco posted.

Props for caring about her. Where there's a human being involved, there's always responsibility if you're any kind of a man.

 

[CoolRunning]

Thanks Francisco, Bonhomme, etc. Seems common sense, but it's good to hear it from others...

 

[joekerr31]

i wouldn't worry about it.

here's how it will likely unfold.

at some point she will start wanting more from you. little by little. she'll start giving you heart felt kisses and hugs and she'll start turning conversations towards more personal bonding subjects.

at which point you will be cavalier about it all and not reciprocate but rather stay aloof.

after a while her trying this and your reaction, she will eventually get pissed off at you and decide that if you aren't prepared to go to the next level she'll go find someone who is.

then one day she will come to you and "out of the blue" end it.

so just be prepared that when she starts to try to suck you in to a real relationship, when you politely rebuke her actions, she will turn aroudn and secretly go off and find some other guy.

this is her way of punishing you.

hehe, women are wierd this way.

just follow some simple guidelines in this kinds of scenarios...

1) they dont last forever
2) NEVER feel pressured to change the dynamic (the woman KNEW what she was getting in to.)
3) you are ONLY responsible for YOU. the moment you start feeling responsible for her you are no longer in a casual romance, you are now in a relationship.

good luck.

 

[penkitten]

no relationship = not responsible