What's a solution in today's world for having kids?

[redskinsfan92]

Ok, been thinking about this problem.

Obviously todays world is not ideal for a man who wants to have children. The tradional route in the USA was courtship, marriage, then kids. The man provided for the family. The woman stayed home and raised the children. Worked pretty well for a while. Hell, my parents are still married.

Of course, we all know that's been pretty much ruined the last 50 years. It's a coin flip that marriage ends in divorce. Even more are miserable marriages.

So, what is the solution for you and I if we desire offspring? Not a rhetorical question. I want to see your thoughts and discussion.

Here are options I see. Not saying any or good or bad.

1. A man can still try for a happy marriage. The stats on this a pretty abismal though. I'm currently reading Aaron Clarey's Book of Numbers going over the stats. Yikes!
There is also huge risk for a man today. The family court system was designed for the old social contract. So, men are left footing a large bill for no good reason. Not to mention in my state you are automatically a babies father if you are married to the mother and cannot contest it. If you are not legally married, you can demand a paternity test.

2. Cohabitation with an LTR. A man could simply enter a commited relationship with a woman without legal marriage. Of course many jurisdictions have common marriage laws and such. There are also many of the same risks here with family court, really. You can demand a paternity test though in my state.

3. Harem. Of course ideally many men would like a harem of women like King Solomon, but that is hardly achievable for average Joe.

4. Knock a girl up and send her the check. Of course stats say your kid will turn out terrible being raised by only a single mother.


So, what are your thoughts? If some of you are fathers what has worked well and what hasn't?

 

[Mister_Skinny_Jeanz]

Don't.

 

[Velasco]

Long-Term - Optimal Unconventional Relationship for Childrearing

I read this in one of Chase's responses in another thread (don't know how to quote in the new forum so copy/pasted): "This seems to be the fairly common progression in these open marriages: Husband shags a bunch, wife stays more or less exclusive Wife after a while manages to find a guy who...

www.skilledseducer.com

 

[EyeBRollin]

Marriage if you desire children. Most divorces are caused by financial problems. Divorce rates actually drop the higher up the income scale you go. Learn up front what your potential wife’s lifestyle expectations are. Get it in a prenup. If you can’t financially attain the lifestyle she desires, walk away BEFORE you marry her. Regardless of what women are willing to admit, they expect men to be able to pay ALL of the bills.

 

[Georgepithyou]

Marry an islamic woman, they seem to be the only ones in the qorld that still hold onto tradition and religion

 

[2Rocky]

Listen you are on the hook for child support regardless of Marriage , Divorce etc. if you split up. So pay or play...

Enter into the Child rearing on the same page. You both have to bring 100% to being parents to the children. It is a Joint business venture so treat it like it is. You BOTH have to show up and do your part every day. You don't get days off.

Parent as a Team not as individuals doing your part. Have a unified vision on Education, Religion, Health , Activities and Finance. No longer can dad work 40 hours a week and smoke his pie and read the paper with a ****tail in his slippers after work. Parenting is a whole 'nother job, and you better damn sure do your part....

 

[RickTheToad]

Marriage if you desire children. Most divorces are caused by financial problems. Divorce rates actually drop the higher up the income scale you go. Learn up front what your potential wife’s lifestyle expectations are. Get it in a prenup. If you can’t financially attain the lifestyle she desires, walk away BEFORE you marry her. Regardless of what women are willing to admit, they expect men to be able to pay ALL of the bills.

No, just no. Most married couples nowadays divorce because of the 7 year itch or because they are upset with themselves (females). Clarey and Coper back this up with stats. Nothing wrong with a cohabitation agreement and living together. That's a dudes best option. Asking a dude who's never been married their advice on marriage and divorce is like asking a chef to fix your car. They do not have the experience to propertly diagnose the issues. Has nothing to do with brains or the person, just experience in going through this.

 

[EyeBRollin]

No, just no. Most married couples nowadays divorce because of the 7 year itch or because they are upset with themselves (females). Clarey and Coper back this up with stats. Nothing wrong with a cohabitation agreement and living together. That's a dudes best option. Asking a dude who's never been married their advice on marriage and divorce is like asking a chef to fix your car. They do not have the experience to propertly diagnose the issues. Has nothing to do with brains or the person, just experience in going through this.

Which stats? People divorce in this country over money. She gets the 7 year itch because the husband either falls on hard times, or she just feels like she can do better (hypergamy...).

 

[RickTheToad]

Which stats? People divorce in this country over money. She gets the 7 year itch because the husband either falls on hard times, or she just feels like she can do better (hypergamy...)

Not usually for people who have a college or masters degree. They both earn plenty of money.

Usually infidelity. Divorce is less about $$$ when each earn over 50k. Since you are in the NYC area , that's not an issue.

69 Divorce Statistics 2020/2021: Age, Reasons & Impact on Children | CompareCamp.com

And they lived happily ever after…or maybe not. As much as we all want a happy ending to marriage, divorce can sometimes be the only path for some

comparecamp.com

 

[Lookatu]

Marry an islamic woman, they seem to be the only ones in the qorld that still hold onto tradition and religion

The other ones are Japanese women(in Japan). If you have a taste for them, they can be very loyal, submissive, and low drama wives.

 

[Lookatu]

Listen you are on the hook for child support regardless of Marriage , Divorce etc. if you split up. So pay or play...

Enter into the Child rearing on the same page. You both have to bring 100% to being parents to the children. It is a Joint business venture so treat it like it is. You BOTH have to show up and do your part every day. You don't get days off.

Parent as a Team not as individuals doing your part. Have a unified vision on Education, Religion, Health , Activities and Finance. No longer can dad work 40 hours a week and smoke his pie and read the paper with a ****tail in his slippers after work. Parenting is a whole 'nother job, and you better damn sure do your part....

This

 

[Velasco]

just religious is fine (there are plenty of those. but we maybe don't see them because we get tunnel vision and only focus on the anti-religious slvts these articles are about). it should go without saying, but you should be physically attracted to the girl you marry cuz your gonna be banging her a billion times for over the next 20 years+

 

[EyeBRollin]

Not usually for people who have a college or masters degree. They both earn plenty of money.

Usually infidelity. Divorce is less about $$$ when each earn over 50k. Since you are in the NYC area , that's not an issue.

69 Divorce Statistics 2020/2021: Age, Reasons & Impact on Children | CompareCamp.com

And they lived happily ever after…or maybe not. As much as we all want a happy ending to marriage, divorce can sometimes be the only path for some

comparecamp.com

That’s consistent with my point. She’s cheating on you at work. She’s not getting dvcked down by a lowlife off the street. It is hypergamy. Money and the lifestyle she wants for herself has a lot to do with why she strays.

 

[RickTheToad]

That’s consistent with my point. She’s cheating on you at work. She’s not getting dvcked down by a lowlife off the street. It is hypergamy. Money and the lifestyle she wants for herself has a lot to do with why she strays.

Riiiiiiiiiiight, but not necessarily the main reason or the majority.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Riiiiiiiiiiight, but not necessarily the main reason or the majority.

From the article you posted:

• Couples with an annual income of more than $50,000 a year can lower their risk of divorce as much as 30% compared to those with lower than $25,000 per year.
• The greater the mismatch between a couple’s credit scores, the more likely they’ll separate within the first 5 years.
• Couples who argue about finances once a week are 30% more likely to end their marriage.
• 59% of Americans who have gotten divorced within the past 5 years said finances played a role in their divorce.

 

[RickTheToad]

From the article you posted:

What about the other 41%? This is, of course, from the people who actually said something. Rarely to females admit to cheating. You're 31, so I understand you still believe the pie in the sky all things are okay if you give good d and a six figure dude. However, this is not the reality my friend. Believe what you like, as I am sure I am not making a dent in your thoughts, but ask a divorced or annulled dude and I think you'd hear a different tune.

 

[MoMoses]

As someone who doesn't want children, doesn't have any children, doesn't wanna be seen with children and walks in a circle around single moms I will only add this to this thread:

a picture of a bunny eating a berry



Seriously... don't do this. Don't have kids. Your life is great as it is. Trust uncle MoMoses on this one

 

[Velasco]

the guys who get cheated on, are the ones who either marry girls with a history of cheating on their boyfriends. or girls who dated guys very different from them when they were young (she dated nothing but bad boys and your a nice guy...she's a ticking time bomb).

 

[Serenity]

It's a coin flip that marriage ends in divorce.

This statement right here and others like it annoys the hell out of me. Fvck the stats, they tell you about what happens in the average population of which most people are idiots. Are you an idiot? No, I suspected that.

It's like the stock market. Most people say it's like going to the casino, yet there are people who have made a fortune figuring out the logic of it. Even the casinos are beaten by some really clever guys, they figured out the way and won the game.

So is it really like flipping a coin? I don't think so. It's too easy to claim we have no control, to take no responsibility for getting what we want and just give up altogether like the rest of everyone.

Maybe the odds are against you, but if you're going to play that game of marriage and kids you only need to find one woman out of billions. Just one! The rest are irrelevant! Is it a 50/50? No! You can apply your brain in order to affect the chance of a positive outcome in your favor. It will never be 100%, but that's why you always have an exit strategy ready before you go in, just in case sh!t does hit the fan. You will never get this without some risk, you can reduce the risk, but it's unrealistic to completely negate it. If you can't handle that then you have effectively accepted that it's never going to happen.

I see one thread after another pointing out this or that low quality ho on onlyfans, pointing out some nasty sh!t a woman did to a man or pointing at women who are obviously sh!t. You know what, I agree, all of the examples provided are those of sh!t women. There are indeed a lot of them out there, but I don't care. I don't care about onlyfans, I don't care what some criminal did to their boyfriend or how outrageous that woman's actions are. I DON'T CARE! It takes me less than a second to filter them out as the human trash that they are. What I care about is what's left after I have taken out the trash, when all the obvious b!tches and even the less obvious ones are thrown out of my attention.

There might actually just be so many bad women out there that we don't even notice the ones that aren't. Outrage is a stronger attention thief than something being as it should, as we expect. All we can do is try to wean ourselves off the shocks and notice the subtleties. I can personally say I have gotten a lot better identifying bad people doing this, even the more subtle of them, the ones who try to avoid detection by blending in with genuinely good people. It's a skill, not just pure luck. If you can't see this then you are lacking this skill and I strongly advise you to learn it as it is applicable far beyond the realms of just romantic relationships.

If some of you are fathers what has worked well and what hasn't?

I have only been a father for 6 months (been with her for 5 1/2 years), so I don't think I can claim authority just yet, but my rant above pretty much sums it up. We are not powerless, we are not idiots and with all that we know of women we have a hell of a lot better odds than the average. As opposed to the average Joe we have the luxury of knowing the red flags, all we have to do is look out for them and make sure whatever promising woman we come across exhibits none of them. Again, fvck the stats, fvck the numbers, this is the way.

Just quit this "omg, I have zero control, a woman can fvck me over at any moment and I'm 100% the victim" bullsh!t. If you truly believe yourself to be that powerless then yeah, it probably is better to just forget all about this idea, it can't end well.

 

[SW15]

Most married couples nowadays divorce because of the 7 year itch or because they are upset with themselves (females).

The median length of a marriage that ends in divorce is 7 years. However, we need to account for pre-marital relationship time so the median length marriage ending in a divorce is usually a 10 year long relationship.

If you want to consider the fat part of the bell curve on relationship duration, a lot of extended relationships that fail are failures after 7-12 years. I think a lot of non-marital relationships either fail in the first 1-2 years, or then become marital relationships that fail in 7-12 years.

If you have kids today, realize that the odds are against you being with the mother of the kids by the time the kids turn 18. Even if you are still with their mother when the kids are 18, the marital quality was likely low for long portions of that relationship.