What's a loner to do?

[monad]

I would like to laid a lot, but god damn I am such a loner. I actually prefer/need to be alone most of the time. I was not always like this. All through school and high school I was social but a huge reason that is different from how I am now is I was bored being alone. When I was 19 I became really interested in getting as educated as I could and have spent most of the last 9 years with library materials. I am rarely bored now because I’m driven, but I would like more *****.
I’ve tried on many occasions throughout the years to join groups that have my same interest, and go to parties with friends, but it just boils down to I truly am not having fun.

It’s hard to date girls when I would rather be doing something else. Plus it’s hard to meet girls when I’m never in social settings. Plus it’s hard to keep girls when I don’t like to be too social. How does a guy appreciate just hanging out again? I tried hypnotism but I couldn’t be hypnotized.

 

[Potbelly]

How did you become "really interested in getting as educated" as you could?

What made you that way? Help me, help you.

 

[swifTy]

pull girls wherever you meet them. you have to go grocery shoppin right? or fill your car up with petrol. thats where you meet them. you dont have to be goin out all the time to meet girls; altho it is easy that way.

as long as you know how to be social, such that you can turn it "on" and "off" as you see fit, then theres no problem.

im a bit like you, i try hard to find guys that i truly click with, but its very difficult. even guys who have same interests as me. i make friends, but im not mad about hanging out with any of them. nothing wrong with doing your own thing, ever! you do what you want to do.

but then again man, going out is hell fun. why would you not want to every now and again????

 

[Potbelly]

dude, if loning it up is your thing (it is mine), just do it.

Get smart, it will help you so much more than any chick can....EVER.

Become knowledgable and excel in all aspects of your life (your goals, academics, physical, etc). Girls will naturally come, but you must be SOCIAL.

People like us...I think we need some kind of structure to meeting other people/women/hanging out. Easy thing to do is to join a club or sport that literally forces you to be around people and thus, know them eventually. I've met a cute gal through IM soccer and I'm seriously a pretty lone wolf kind of guy if you saw me in class or walking on the street.

 

[KarmaSutra]

You sound like one of the sheep who fawn over Deangelo and his ilk. Good thing you're here though. Don't buy his crap or any of the other gurus' garbage. It only masks an underlying issue. You're an introvert scared to open himslf to new experiences and people. There is no cure. The only way to get past it is to suck up some courage and go out. There is no magic pill or pickup line that will instantly swoon the ladies.

First, love yourself. Love your idiosyncracies and your fallacies. Next, find that which you would like to begin to change about yourself and set a short term goal. Once you reach that goal you'll compound that courage with the next goal and then the next. Before you know it that fear in your mind, you'll come to realize, which was shaking your knees is not even close to what you'll actually have dealt with.

 

[Bible_Belt]

get a motorcycle

 

[potato]

Dude, being a loner doesn’t necessarily prevent one from being sociable and able to get women. I’ve had loner tendencies all my life and have never had problems attracting women. Actually I think that it works to my advantage - the whole mysterious loner bit is a turn on to many women.

Typically I’d rather not be sociable, but it is something that I have fun with from time to time. A lot of it has to do with flirting. I’ve gotten really good at flirting, mostly of the making eyes variety. Most of the women I meet are just ones that I see around, often through my work as an artist. I like to take long walks as a way of thinking about things. Many of the women that I’ve met I meet while taking walks.

Another thing, you mentioned your education. There is this thing that not too many people talk about. There seems to be this link between mathematics and sociability - that mathematics can cause autistic like behavior within one that does high level mathematics. I’ve discovered that this is true. I sometimes do complex mathematical problems just to entertain myself. When I don’t do mathematics for long stretches, I find myself being more sociable.

The girls I like best are the ones who also have loner tendencies, who actually prefer it that I only come 'round once a week.

 

[swifTy]

yeah potatoes i know what you mean. it means your sh!t hot smart and thats why its hard to find ppl to relate to. your on another level. good or bad? probably good.

 

[monad]

to potbelly

Potbelly,

In response to “how did I get this way.” It started with wanting to write songs. Good intellectual lyric songs, like Pink Floyd, Tool, and Bob Dylan etc.
Also I had a huge interest in Marijuana and mushrooms and I wanted to find out how in hell were these illegal when they added to life so positively. So I was driven, which to me is why I am not as social, because if people don’t have goals that they want to pursue, they will be bored so obviously they hang out with others to cure their boredom.


When I went to college and this is where things changed. I went to some parties and it was boring, it struck me as a lame way to live. Getting together and hanging out with strangers on a couch. “What time did you guys get here?” “Where are you guys going after this?” “Oh man that party on 5th st. was banging.” Etc. It’s like there was no substance, people’s agenda was to get a good seat on a couch at a house party. What the **** is the point of this banter? I thought


Then when I was 20 I did that magical dose 5 grams of mushrooms. I had a revelation of god SYNCHRONICITY. I had to learn about this ****ing Mystery so I turned to philosophy and religions of the world, history etc.

I really love music and it was more pleasurable to walk around high on Marijuana and get really into music, then converse with people and talk about bull****.

However, my two best friend don’t have these interests I do and they don’t socialize either (but they have girlfriends) so maybe it’s something else.


I feel I can relate to Mystery (the pick up guru) He is so articulate and pursues a lot of intellectual stuff. This forum is full of great writers that seem really educated. I just can’t talk about “fluff” I wish I could. Why do people go to clubs and talk to strangers or why in the hell would you want to talk to random strangers unless it’s a chick you want to bed. It takes a lot of energy and I don’t care how many people like me. It’s good to have friends but I have enough friends.

Also if sex is the main goal. I've had a 6 month sexual relationship and a few friends with benefits. Yes sex is cool, but is it really that cool? Yea I have a sex drive I have to jerk off to internet porn 2 or more times a day. With sex you gotta do foreplay every time So in a way it doesn't seem worth it.

 

[Potbelly]

Hey monad,

Thanks for the reply bro. Reading that helped me alot, although I'm not going to try shrooms haha. I feel pretty much the same way at parties. I leave pretty early to go to Borders or somewhere chill and comfortable.

Anyways, reading that you see like your own guy. Pretty much have a lot of the DJ qualities down like putting yourself first, knowing what you want in life, intellectual curiosity, etc. For you, you need to decide if it's worth it or not. Once you decide it's worth it, pursue this like you've pursued history, learning about legality of drugs, etc. Go into the "field" and try out the material you read about as an experiment. Use this as an opportunity not just to sex a girl up, but to learn about human social dynamics and behavior, if you're interested in that stuff. Seems like a good way to motivate yourself to do this.

Of course, if you decide it's not worth it, then that's cool and you should just keep living the way you are living if you're satisfied with it.

 

[MooseGod]

holy sh!t monad, you sound like you went through what I am now...gotta get off the drugs and quit thinking for myself and reading if i want to be one of the cool kids

Sucky thing about today's society...you have to dumb yourself down to fit in. Personally, I can't stand top 40 music, reality TV, starbucks, and the people who are into those things. I'm thinking hippie chicks are the way to go, now I've just got to find where they hang out...

 

[Jaxon]

I am mostly a loner myself and there's nothing wrong with that. Just maintain your confidence, continue to improve yourself, and work your game whenever you get a chance. There isn't really much of a difference between rolling alone or in a group.

People who hang out in groups will often look down on you for being alone, mainly because they're insecure. But don't let them do that, show them that you have a spine and that if they try to f*ck with you they will regret it. Many people who hang out in groups feel that validates their social status in their own minds.

Real men don't need to validate themselves because know they are men whether they are alone or in a group. Remember, and this is especially true if you are about to get in a fight with more than one guy, the more of them there are, the weaker each one is.