deadmasterx
Senior Don Juan
Right now I was trying to sleep and for some reason I started remembering about my ex, who used to pursue me after I stopped texting her (first) and went to do my stuff. I see now, not so oftenly as most guys here seems to be more trouble with dating and reading level of interest than with dealing with exes, that most of you share a common thought about that: she felt you could be over her and wanted to check your interest level to raise her self esteem - which is an absolute true statement. I want to dig deeper, tho.
Let's think about that, supposing that you were absolutely useless and just someone she got rid of, why would your validation, by any means, be important enough to raise her self esteem? If you agree with that, we can add another thing to our sentence. "She came after you because she felt you could be over her, wanted to check out your interest level on her, raise her self esteem and get something from you". But what is that? Some guys, me included, has this paternal aurea that makes women feel safe and protected. Others has wilderness that gives women an excitement in life. We have billions of characteristics that she could be after, because not only she needed to take your validation, but she also needs that certain feeling and attention that you gave her before, at least at that time. It's not hard to accept that, if you think about yourself, there surely must have a specific pvssy that you miss madly, or a girl with manners that drives you crazy. It's the same case.
As her boyfriend, you were her safe port, so she naturally has at least a certain level of trust on you. If she's single, she's now "lonely and sailing in the sea", so it's understandable that she may want to keep you around as much as possible until she can jump to some other guy's "port".
I've read a sentence on a book, I think it was "Models", that says "Whenever you approach a girl, she's cheering for you. She's wanting you to be the man she wants". Wouldn't that make sense to when your ex suddenly comes after you too? But then we get in a different level, because your ex knows you, and most importantly she's your ex, so if you give her everything she wants she'll run away once she gets it, right? Or is it because we have been misjudging...?
It's not exactly about the gestures, but the way you make her feel. I honestly didn't try it yet, but I think the main problem is treating your ex as someone you know. This familiarity puts an expectation on you and dictates you to act in a way that you used to act with her, which I don't think it's the way to go here.
What to do, then? Treat her the same way you did when dating her. May be hard to remember, and may not even be what you want (but you surely could do something like that for scientific purposes), but it's worth taking a try.
Remember that when you were meeting and still just getting to know her, all your aspects were blurry to her. She was like a kid touching everything to find out what you're like, who are you. This new air may be the thing that will sparkle things back. You're not the same dude she left away, now you're a new you, and she gotta dig deeper to find out what you're about.
Surely you still have most of the characteristics (hopefully the good ones) that made her come after you. The idea is to give her little to nothing of it.
Once again, that's just a theory. We already have made up our minds about exes and how to deal with them, but I came up with that as a possible way to turn an ex into a plate to spin.
Tips, disagreements, additions are more than welcome. I want everybody to discuss and point the things you agree or disagree.
Let's think about that, supposing that you were absolutely useless and just someone she got rid of, why would your validation, by any means, be important enough to raise her self esteem? If you agree with that, we can add another thing to our sentence. "She came after you because she felt you could be over her, wanted to check out your interest level on her, raise her self esteem and get something from you". But what is that? Some guys, me included, has this paternal aurea that makes women feel safe and protected. Others has wilderness that gives women an excitement in life. We have billions of characteristics that she could be after, because not only she needed to take your validation, but she also needs that certain feeling and attention that you gave her before, at least at that time. It's not hard to accept that, if you think about yourself, there surely must have a specific pvssy that you miss madly, or a girl with manners that drives you crazy. It's the same case.
As her boyfriend, you were her safe port, so she naturally has at least a certain level of trust on you. If she's single, she's now "lonely and sailing in the sea", so it's understandable that she may want to keep you around as much as possible until she can jump to some other guy's "port".
I've read a sentence on a book, I think it was "Models", that says "Whenever you approach a girl, she's cheering for you. She's wanting you to be the man she wants". Wouldn't that make sense to when your ex suddenly comes after you too? But then we get in a different level, because your ex knows you, and most importantly she's your ex, so if you give her everything she wants she'll run away once she gets it, right? Or is it because we have been misjudging...?
It's not exactly about the gestures, but the way you make her feel. I honestly didn't try it yet, but I think the main problem is treating your ex as someone you know. This familiarity puts an expectation on you and dictates you to act in a way that you used to act with her, which I don't think it's the way to go here.
What to do, then? Treat her the same way you did when dating her. May be hard to remember, and may not even be what you want (but you surely could do something like that for scientific purposes), but it's worth taking a try.
Remember that when you were meeting and still just getting to know her, all your aspects were blurry to her. She was like a kid touching everything to find out what you're like, who are you. This new air may be the thing that will sparkle things back. You're not the same dude she left away, now you're a new you, and she gotta dig deeper to find out what you're about.
Surely you still have most of the characteristics (hopefully the good ones) that made her come after you. The idea is to give her little to nothing of it.
Once again, that's just a theory. We already have made up our minds about exes and how to deal with them, but I came up with that as a possible way to turn an ex into a plate to spin.
Tips, disagreements, additions are more than welcome. I want everybody to discuss and point the things you agree or disagree.
