What would you do in this situation?

[bruceartest24]

This girl I am interested invited me to a get together with like 8 of our friends on Saturday night I agreed and had a great time but this one guy she was friends with was all into her flirting and when she was sitting down his arm was around her back it really got me jealous but I played it off cool and interacted with other friends. By the end of the night she was very tired and rested her head / laid down on his leg...I was crushed inside but once again I played it cool.

Should I move on or continue to pursue? If her goal was for me to get jealous she won....

 

[Aaron B]

it sounds like you have oneitis

there's nothing to move on from here.

if you "move on" she's not going to even notice. why? because there's nothing there in the first place

you can't lose what you never had, bro.

when you say she invited you and 8 friends, was it her and 9 dudes there?

she wasn't trying to get you jealous. she's not focused on you. she's living her life.

 

[bruceartest24]

Thanks aaron I appreciate the truth. It was 3 girls and 6 dudes.

 

[Aaron B]

You need to be the aggressor and the initiator. That way you won't find yourself in situations where you are competing with other dudes for her attention. When you let the girl call the shots, she is going to structure things in a way that benefits her, not you.

Its time for you to wake up and realize the reality that you are interested in spending time with girls because you have a sexual desire for them.

Its not because she's cute. Its not because she's funny. Its not because she's silly. Its because you want to have sex with her. Period. Yeah all that other stuff is nice in addition, but the main reason you seek female company is to have sex with females.

It is 100% normal for you to feel that way, and in fact its how we all got here in the first place. You do yourself a disservice when you are sexually attracted to a woman but you feel ashamed to express it so instead you settle for trying to sneak in through the "friend door" then just hang around until she finally notices how awesome you are and does all the work for you. That's a fantasy. Is it possible? Sure. Is it likely? Nope.

Your job as the man is to meet girls, get their phone numbers, plan the dates, and invite her on the dates. That is what you need to focus on. If you don't know how to do those things, this is the time to learn.

You can't guarantee that you will be the guy banging her at the end of the night. But you can damn sure guarantee that you won't be the pathetic nice guy "shoulder to cry on" who is always there for her as an emotional tampon to listen to her whine about how the bad boy banged her then treated her bad. So stop it with the hanging around trying to be her friend nonsense.

 

[bruceartest24]

Aaron,

I never tried to be her friend. I asked her out on a date but she couldnt make it due to prior commitments..she said she was sad that she couldn't go and we should go out another time. She then invited me to the event saturday and i figured it would be good opportunity to go further with this prospect. Once I seen the situation with the other dude I put my attention towards one of her good looking friends and I actually had a really good time minus a few jealous moments.

I just was wondering if I should stop communicating with her and go for someone else.

 

[Aaron B]

Obviously I don't know the situation as well as you, or have all the information like you do.

I'm making a lot of assumptions out of necessity.

Here's the thing about being single: there is no requirement to go after one woman at a time. Its not an either/or with this chick. You can still maybe get something going with her in the future, while in the meantime you are getting numbers from new girls and taking them on dates.

It is perfectly okay to take more than one chick on a date in a given time frame.

And regardless of me being wrong about a few things, the fact is in this particular instance with this particular girl, you took the passive role when she invited you and you came along with what she wanted.

That's awesome that you previously took the active role and invited her on a date. She responded by not taking advantage of the opportunity you provided. This means she has low interest in you. Or at the least, it guarantees that she isn't HIGHLY INTERESTED in you. Highly interested women don't have scheduling conflicts, and if they do, they make sure to schedule a date at another time. There are no exceptions to this.

Your only currency is that you are the sole controller of her access to your time and attention. She didn't take you up on your invitation, therefore she didn't earn access to your time and attention. So don't give it to her in the future until she earns it by agreeing to your invitations.

Your willingness to take women on dates and potentially enter into a long term relationship is a big deal and it has value. So don't give it out freely. When you give it out freely, it has no value. She must earn you through her actions.

Focusing your attention on this girl is incorrect. You should instead focus on you and what you want from your interactions with women.

 

[Iceberg]

Aaron,

I never tried to be her friend. I asked her out on a date but she couldnt make it due to prior commitments..she said she was sad that she couldn't go and we should go out another time. She then invited me to the event saturday and i figured it would be good opportunity to go further with this prospect. Once I seen the situation with the other dude I put my attention towards one of her good looking friends and I actually had a really good time minus a few jealous moments.

I just was wondering if I should stop communicating with her and go for someone else.

You can keep trying if you want. But it sounds like she's a typical Attention Wh*re.

She invites a guy who she KNOWS is interested in her to hang with her friends. THEN she spends her time with some other guy wrapped around her all night. Think about the kind of girl who would do that and what goes through her head.

Funny thing is, she's probably not interested in either of you. Just the attention you provide, and drama she can create.

The upside is, I don't know how your social circle is, but if you need new connections to women/parties, you can use her for that.