what would you do if your GF was insecure about you hanging out with a female friend?

[devilkingx2]

I was reading this thread on this other forum(don't ask me why, I just was.):

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/416967-why-only-female-friends-cause-jealousy
(TL;DR: dude hangs out with a female friend frequently and his GF calls him constantly whenever he does and hes annoyed but doesn't want to confront her because it would teach her that this indirect passive-aggressive BS(my words, not his) was ok, all of the people in the thread with the exception of 4-5 of the posters basically think he should drop his friend and focus on appeasing his girlfriend's insecurities and whims)

and I figured the advice from the people here would be far different(and better), but I could be wrong,

so what does sosuave think?

 

[Tiguere]

How would he like it if he was his girl hanging out with a guy?? Come on man if you like girl enough to be in a mature serious relationship you shouldn't be doing stuff like this. Its disrespectful. BE SINGLE THEN YOU CAN HANG OUT WITH ALL THE CHICKS YOU WANT.

 

[Sofomore]

Really? I wouldn't care at all. I have a bunch of female friends and I'm not willing to "drop" them because of my girlfriend's insecurity.

It's super needy and controlling to demand that your gf can/can't hang out with someone. Even if it's an ex...let her go hang out with him if he's trying to meet up for coffee or something. If she cheats and fvcks up, she's out of my life. Continually hanging out with an ex is a big red flag, indicating the girl is low quality. Definitely wouldn't get into a relationship with her in the first place.

Girls find it very attractive that you have the confidence to let her hang out with anyone because after all you are the GREAT catch, right?

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

^^^^^agree 100% Sofomore

ex's are a different story, case by case basis. But friends? Shows major insecurity if they're not "allowed" to hang out with anyone from the opposite sex.

Most of my ex's friends were guys. (whole nother story there) About half these guys were in the orbiter category and wanted to bang her, maybe all of them. She had these friends before she met me. We'd meet up with them sometimes, no big deal. Other times she'd be meeting them and want me to come out and meet up with her and them. On those times I'd usually tell her I was staying in....but have fun. Then she'd beg for me to come out. If I didn't, she'd end up cutting the night short to come see me.

She might have been trying to use them as a jealousy tactic, but I never let it bother me and, if anything, because of that, I turned it around on her.

There are exceptions to every rule. Putting two people together in a sticky situation where one thing can lead to another and the guy can trip and fall and his d1ck can accidentally go in her....is I agree, a bad idea. But....as a general rule, I don't get jealous or tell them what they can or can't do. Just showing that jealousy can actually increase attraction for that other person. "Why is he jealous? Maybe there's more to my friend than I realize."

 

[devilkingx2]

Putting two people together in a sticky situation where one thing can lead to another and the guy can trip and fall and his d1ck can accidentally go in her....is I agree, a bad idea.

I love this phrasing right here,

if I ever cheat on my GF and get caught I'll use this excuse" "I tripped and fell and one thing lead to another... so I'm going on the maury show to take a paternity test for her baby"

 

[Cremasta]

Thinking that you can be in a relationship, but continue to act like you're single is immature and naive.
It's a question of degrees and how much your partner is willing to accept. Catching up with friends occasionally is ok, but seeing someone other than your partner every week, without your partner, is not the behaviour most typical relationships will survive.

You can't just say "We're in a relationship, you should trust me." Trust has to be earned and kept.

 

[devilkingx2]

Thinking that you can be in a relationship, but continue to act like you're single is immature and naive.
It's a question of degrees and how much your partner is willing to accept. Catching up with friends occasionally is ok, but seeing someone other than your partner every week, without your partner, is not the behaviour most typical relationships will survive.

You can't just say "We're in a relationship, you should trust me." Trust has to be earned and kept.

sounds like you've never heard the bro code.

 

[Voice]

Personally I don't really have female friends who I would go and hang out with one on one. The only girls who I would consider friends are either:

1. Girls I hooked up with in the past and I'm still friendly with
2. Friends' girlfriends

I can hardly stand hanging out with my girlfriend for long periods of time because she talks about the most trivial ****. Why would you want to hang out with a girl and deal with that if you are not banging her?

Call me a cynic but it's just my opinion that one on one hanging out is BF GF stuff. I can understand why the GF is being cautious.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Thinking that you can be in a relationship, but continue to act like you're single is immature and naive.
It's a question of degrees and how much your partner is willing to accept. Catching up with friends occasionally is ok, but seeing someone other than your partner every week, without your partner, is not the behaviour most typical relationships will survive.

I agree. I think that is the mature and most correct answer. "Emotional infidelity" is the term.

Regarding the original question, what would you do if your GF was insecure about you hanging out with a female friend?

my own answer would be to try to make all three of us hang out together, then get the two girls drunk and try to have a threesome.

 

[handle]

Any girl I'm dating will already know that I have a bunch of friends of different genders. So this is never a problem.

But if she is going to call me out on it I guess there's 2 possibilities:
1) I am hanging out with one female friend a LOT and it's cutting into my time for the relationship... In this case maybe I just don't care about the relationship much so it should be broken off

2) I'm just hanging out with a friend from time to time... In this situation my girlfriend should back off. Especially if we've been dating for less than a year.

The whole female friend vs male friend thing is bs. I'm a progressive, modern dude. Friends can be female or male, old or young. One time a girlfriend called me on spending way too much time with friends from school (not necessarily male or female) and she actually had a point, I was unfairly ignoring her. But that was a 4 year relationship and we talked about it in a level-headed way.

I'm very surprised by some of the responses here... I'll admit I don't have many close female friendships but I still have a few solid ones. Like for instance an old friend from my dorm in freshman year -- if she says she's in town and we should catch up over lunch, why not?

 

[MrNiceGuy23]

Any girl I'm dating will already know that I have a bunch of friends of different genders. So this is never a problem.

But if she is going to call me out on it I guess there's 2 possibilities:
1) I am hanging out with one female friend a LOT and it's cutting into my time for the relationship... In this case maybe I just don't care about the relationship much so it should be broken off

2) I'm just hanging out with a friend from time to time... In this situation my girlfriend should back off. Especially if we've been dating for less than a year.

The whole female friend vs male friend thing is bs. I'm a progressive, modern dude. Friends can be female or male, old or young. One time a girlfriend called me on spending way too much time with friends from school (not necessarily male or female) and she actually had a point, I was unfairly ignoring her. But that was a 4 year relationship and we talked about it in a level-headed way.

I'm very surprised by some of the responses here... I'll admit I don't have many close female friendships but I still have a few solid ones. Like for instance an old friend from my dorm in freshman year -- if she says she's in town and we should catch up over lunch, why not?

You're missing the point here. If you have an old friend who happens to be in town, obviously you should be allowed to go catch up with her over lunch, or dinner, or even go out for the night with her, but not every week, and especially not several times a week.

The OP doesn't find a problem going out to dinner with a female friend multiple times a week, or going to the movies together, or hanging out one on one multiple times a week alone.

It's immature behavior. To the people preaching about being progressive, would you go out to dinner or the movies one on one with a male friend of yours? Would you do this several times a week? I highly doubt it.

OP is obviously interested in the girl he sees for dinner twice a week, and wants to turn it around on his girlfriend for getting suspicious so she gets upsets and lays down and he can go back to doing what he is doing without feeling remorse.

If you want to act like that go ahead, but either learn to be discrete or dump your girlfriend, nobody likes being stuck in a situation like that where you know what's going on, but you don't know for sure.

My girlfriend knows I have female friends that I see, but she is also good friends with all of them. This alone eliminates the issue of jealousy.