What Women Really Want

[Bokanovsky]

@Bokanovsky honestly I really don't understand the preoccupation with me here. I have always had a real pic as my avatar. People here assume I must be an overweight arthritic cat lady or something. I'm not.

Who cares if you are a model or an overweight arthritic cat lady? You missed the point entirely. You are a 56 y.o. mother (grandmother?) who is on an Internet forum desperately trying to convince random strangers that she is still hot. You don't think that's weird??

I used to think that you were suffering from an extreme form of narcissism. I'm starting to realize that you may be a full-blown mental patient.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Meh, I've always thought the Bad Boy was overvalued by the community. They have their appeal, I'm not denying that, but they're not the only ones who can provide fun and excitement. Being in a constant state of instability is not the hallmark of a good relationship. But it's a fine persona to have if you're looking to pump and dump, which I guess is the main objective of most guys here.

Attraction and sustained emotional engagement depend less on specific archetypes and more on how much an individual deviates from predictability and ordinariness. Psychological research shows that novelty and stimulating imagination play an important role in maintaining interest and desire.

The “bad boy” persona, roguery with a hint of danger, is often the easiest archetype to adopt because it naturally introduces unpredictability, selfishness, and a “don’t give a f***” attitude, requiring less financial or time investment. However, other archetypes like the adventurous, the mysterious, or the romantic can also sustain attraction, as long as they maintain enough uniqueness to avoid commonness and boredom.

 

[SW15]

Most women, the vast majority I'd say, really want a marriage/family and with a man they love, respect and enjoy.

Is this still a valid notion? It's a notion worth challenging based on the actions of Millennial and Gen Z women. This could be true globally but I question this idea in the United States, especially in big cities. Since college graduation, I have been in USA big cities so I've seen some of the worst female behaviors. This might have skewed my perspective.

Aging Millennial women in their 30s/early 40s who use dating apps or social media to meet men still seem to think they are in their peak SMV years.

this is why women have these lists of criteria.

Men have perceived that these lists of criteria have gotten more unreasonable in the social media, smartphone, and app era. In Western nations, women seem to be asking for more while offering less. This concept is known crudely as hoeflation.

The trouble for women is that many women are unrealistic in their expectations and this is because they don't digest that men have criteria too.

You acknowledge this is going on and I appreciate that.

Same as men who become bitter & disillusioned about women.

I think the disillusionment process for men is different. Many men are treated like dog crap by women on their looks level.

The quickest ways for men to have negative early stage dating experiences are:

1. Use swipe apps (if below 85th percentile in looks)
2. Approach strangers in real life, mainly in nightlife venues later at night
3. Use the direct messaging function (DM) on social media platforms

Women tend to treat men who initially interact with them through these methods rather poorly. Approaching unknown women in non-bar settings is also a very difficult and inefficient path.

Most men will experience better treatment from women if solely meeting them through community building/social circle type atmospheres. I have often said that the best way to get a girlfriend with the least amount of grief and frustration is through a social circle method.

Men want sex; women want relationships (generally as highest priority). The challenge for both genders is bridging this difference in priorities.

These are complimentary goals really. Much as men and women are naturally complimentary.

That is a challenge and agree on the complimentary nature.

I'm happy you were hot when you were younger... but time has pass.

It is awesome privilege for a woman to be attractive.

Younger women in the last 15-20 years or so have had it even better with their hotness as they've been able to get more abundance of prospects.

The hot women of the 1980s-1990s did get enough attention in a more analog world though. Their attention levels were a mere fraction of the more recent younger hotties.

 

[zekko]

The “bad boy” persona, roguery with a hint of danger, is often the easiest archetype to adopt because it naturally introduces unpredictability, selfishness, and a “don’t give a f***” attitude, requiring less financial or time investment. However, other archetypes like the adventurous, the mysterious, or the romantic can also sustain attraction, as long as they maintain enough uniqueness to avoid commonness and boredom.

I've long suspected that the PUA gurus pushed the "bad boy" character so much because it was one of the easiest personas to emulate, and doesn't require any particular resources on the part of the client. At least back when PUA gurus were still a big thing.

 

[Barrister]

Attraction and sustained emotional engagement depend less on specific archetypes and more on how much an individual deviates from predictability and ordinariness. Psychological research shows that novelty and stimulating imagination play an important role in maintaining interest and desire.

The “bad boy” persona, roguery with a hint of danger, is often the easiest archetype to adopt because it naturally introduces unpredictability, selfishness, and a “don’t give a f***” attitude, requiring less financial or time investment. However, other archetypes like the adventurous, the mysterious, or the romantic can also sustain attraction, as long as they maintain enough uniqueness to avoid commonness and boredom.

The problem with adopting a "persona" is that there is a shelf-life to how long it can be maintained before the facade is gone and the curtain is lifted. Now, if you are just playing the field that isn't a problem. If you are interested in a LTR, it will become one eventually. Hence, your adventurous spirit should be genuine and not just an act.

I realize you weren't saying otherwise -- but I think a lot of DJs (and especially PUAs) mistakenly believe the facade can be maintained indefinitely with ease.

 

[BeExcellent]

Appreciate and accept the feedback. Perhaps I should preface my posts with "Advice from the crazy old lady", lol.

Much of my experience derives from my 20s when I was single but in a few LTRs and was very involved in nightlife venues and participating in and observing interactions at that (yes analog) time.

I learned alot from my father who was the type of man guys around here aspire to.

As to @Slowhandluke I agree. Listen I'm not 25 anymore. Nor have I been interested in men that age for decades. I am certainly a matriarch in my family, and I am well aware that I am aging. I am not running around getting lip injections and filler injections or laser skin treatments. I am aging pretty gracefully I'd say, but I'm certainly aging. I have to be more careful skiing and so forth, sure.

Am I still attractive? Yes, certainly. And I still have plenty of sex appeal to the part of the market I wish to appeal to. I see nothing wrong with saying that. It is objectively true. If y'all saw me in real life you'd say. Oh. Ok. I see now.

 

[pipeman84]

.



you focus way too much on looks, at our age we are playing different roles now. you can no longer be playing the hot young girl role. As I can no longer be playing the young, brash full of potential young man. Things have pass.

your role is now probably of a materiarchy (lucky for you, a lot of women now are only given the role of the "cool aunt", or the cat woman, etc.)

different stages of our lives will afford us different roles. These roles will obviously be dictated by our circumstances. But the roles involving beauty and the roles of brashness is no longer in our domain. To dwell on them is to waste our times.

I'm happy you were hot when you were younger... but time has pass. As I can now longer move as fast or react as fast as compared to when I was younger, I don't dwell on those aspects of my life. I still play sports alot, but I don't reminisce about how much more athletic I was.

my role has evolved into more of a senior advisor and mastermind. Almost a patriarch it is what it is.. Life is about change and moving forward.

True, but...

 

[Clockwerk50]

The problem with adopting a "persona" is that there is a shelf-life to how long it can be maintained before the facade is gone and the curtain is lifted. Now, if you are just playing the field that isn't a problem. If you are interested in a LTR, it will become one eventually. Hence, your adventurous spirit should be genuine and not just an act.

I realize you weren't saying otherwise -- but I think a lot of DJs (and especially PUAs) mistakenly believe the facade can be maintained indefinitely with ease.

Right, the truth is that these personas are important in the seduction phase before sex. They create intrigue and emotional intensity by adopting traits beyond your everyday self. Most advice from PUAs and DJs focuses on this because their audience wants to attract or sleep with their crush. The female personas men are often attracted to tend to be devoted, motherly, or saintly types since we fantasize about these archetypes, but I digress and want to get back to your points.

You are right, a fake persona can’t be maintained long-term. Once the initial seduction ends and the seductor has sex, the energy drops and familiarity sets in, killing the spark. A second seduction, through absence or emotional tension, is often needed, but without authenticity, it won’t last. What many don’t realize is how exhausting it is to live behind a farse. Being out of sync with your true self isn’t just unsustainable and it will eventually falls apart. It takes years to make one congruent with one's true personality.

 

[Slowhandluke]

True, but...
View attachment 14295 View attachment 14294

What's the point? Beauty will fade.. At a certain point you have to act your age. Looks is only one aspect of a person and as people age, it becomes less and less important.

A good looking 50 year old is still a 50 YEAR old. A lot fewer men will be trying to seduce an older Jennifer Aniston as compared to a 21 year old Aniston.

Her role is now of the childless cat lady. Or however one wants to define a older woman who has no children and regrets it. She no longer occupy the role of a young attractive actress. The "it" girl. Time changes.. role changes.. she could of occupied the role of a revered grandmother or mother, but due to her choice, that role is not afforded to her. it is what it is.

 

[BaronOfHair]

I'm sure you'll appreciate that as you enjoy irony

Hell, I'm relieved and ecstatic whenever I encounter someone who so much as comprehends it... THAT'S becoming more rare than a resident of West Baltimore who settles disputes with a polite yet firm phone call, rather gun fire

 

[BaronOfHair]

True, but...
View attachment 14295 View attachment 14294

All praise be to Ms. Anniston's plastic surgeons

 

[pipeman84]

What's the point? Beauty will fade.. At a certain point you have to act your age. Looks is only one aspect of a person and as people age, it becomes less and less important.

A good looking 50 year old is still a 50 YEAR old. A lot fewer men will be trying to seduce an older Jennifer Aniston as compared to a 21 year old Aniston.

Her role is now of the childless cat lady. Or however one wants to define a older woman who has no children and regrets it. She no longer occupy the role of a young attractive actress. The "it" girl. Time changes.. role changes.. she could of occupied the role of a revered grandmother or mother, but due to her choice, that role is not afforded to her. it is what it is.

The point is that the outer shell matters a lot, whether one is in a relationship or not. One can strengthen the role of patriarch or matriarch by having that mindset as opposed to: yeah well, I'm 50 now, so looks are not important.

 

[jhonny9546]

The guy that provides the most fun emotional excitement to a woman will always win.

Could we define fun?
Sometimes I just think that it's that a lot of women are with a jerk man, so in that case it's not fun, but something else

 

[jhonny9546]

I’m generally a man with a collaborative spirit. I’m supportive, but when it’s time to take the lead, I’m right there on the front line to get things done. In a relationship, I bring that same collaborative spirit. Unlike the typical “bad boy” women are supposed to chase or who keeps them guessing just to get things moving, with me, everything flows naturally. Of course, I’m talking about when things are working well. If someone disrespects me or behaves badly, I don’t just stay collaborative, that’s when I step in to remind them of boundaries, which need to be respected. If those limits are crossed repeatedly, I lose respect and end the relationship.

 

[Thebestthereeveris]

This psychologist has some great insight regarding many of the same topics we discuss here.

-Why are women more unhappy than ever before when they have more choice than ever?

-Is there a swing towards masculinity being positive again?

-He shares his thoughts about alpha males, beta males, and females related to a game that was played on Survivor(at 4:01 in video). Basically it was a game of male vs. female. At some point it became obvious the women would lose. So the women did what women do and cornered the lower status beta males and played on their emotions and played on their fears/insecurities. The beta males fell for it and turned against the alpha males and voted them out. The women then rallied against the beta's and won the game. Women are in direct competition with men these days and using the weak males as soldiers and cry fowl when strong men act like strong men.

-What do women want...they want what other women want. They all follow trends. Men, not so much. Just look at fashion. Social Media is the stage where they all convene.

-Why do men work far harder to understand women, than women do to understand men?

-Why are women so anxious? Because they compare themselves to what other women are doing. Its impossible to be everything to everyone. Men get this, women struggle with it. Its about the Fear of Missing Out.

A woman wants a man who lives life through his own perspective. Most fun dudes are "fun" cause they are living in their own world and doing what makes them happy not looking for outside approval. Women are the epitome of sheep (no offense) so they latch on QUICK to a man with high conviction and confidence.