What women don't get about ghosting.

[Wilko]

"I thought the date went great and we really connected - but then I never heard from him again."

Can't speak for everyone, but when I'm on a first date I play to win regardless. I'm kind of forming some opinions about you, but my main goal is to make sure both of us have a great time - I'll decide if it's worth pursuing later. Even if you're boring and withdrawn, even if there's no spontaneous chemistry, I'm gonna crack that nut, escalate, and open you up. Even if I'm not that into you, because frankly, I like having options to choose from, and the practice is always good.

At some point after the date, I'm going to take a sober, objective look at you and make a decision about whether I should see you again.

A successful first date where you really clicked doesn't mean a guy is into you, it doesn't mean you have great chemistry together - it just means he's really good at creating intimacy.

 

[Serenity]

This is one of those things that is super easy to understand with basic self-reflection. It's not only women who don't seem to understand ghosting, many men don't understand that a woman will go ghost for the exact same reason men go ghost.

It's exactly the same on both sides of the fence, yet so many on both sides think there's a huge difference.

 

[Skyline]

Just message her. You're literally not risking anything if she's truly interested.

 

[nismo-4]

If you go on a date with a woman and she stops returning your calls, but you have interest in her, you f**ked up somewhere on that date. As in, failing to be better than her other potential prospects.

I don't show a lot of interest. I care less. If she pursues, I know I didn't mess up.

 

[ThisNThat]

If you go on a date with a woman and she stops returning your calls, but you have interest in her, you f**ked up somewhere on that date. As in, failing to be better than her other potential prospects.

I don't show a lot of interest. I care less. If she pursues, I know I didn't mess up.

I don't get how it is that it is the guy "f-d up" the date. Either there was a connection/attraction or not.

 

[Wilko]

I completely agree with that.

One of the things I figured out very early on about women is that they don't understand how much effort and responsibility is on the man to make things happen.

And I quickly realized that I am the real value in the relationship. That what I create can be done over and over in different sets. You can replace the woman and not much changes.

Yup. And with apologies to Grewd (not sh!tting on your input mate), it's why male and female ghosting isn't the same.

Guy and a girl go on first date and apparently have a great time. Guy ghosts the girl. What happened? Most likely, he was running really solid game (because he always does) but actually wasn't that into her.

Guy and a girl go on a first date and apparently have a great time. Girl ghosts the guy. What happened? Was she just sharpening her game and thought better of it after the date? Nah, most likely not. Did she reconnect with an ex or get an even better offer....? I'll let you be the judge, lol.

 

[sazc]

Puh-lease! ego much? You guys always attribute females not showing interest in you to monkey branching, reconnecting with an ex, other men in her life, etc.

Get over that sh1t. Females don't pursue you because they decide they are not into you. Regardless of your home grown theories (b/c that is truly what they are!), every female does not NEED to keep a male around (orbiters or otherwise) in order to feel good about herself. If a chick doesn't initiate after a date it's either because she wasnt into you, and sees no reason to waster her time, or she is waiting for you to lead. If you contact her, and she ghosts you, she just isn't into you. Deal with it.

The real issue is that you take this sh1t WAY too personally. It chips your ego, so you have to concoct these home grown theories as to why she wouldn't be into you because, after all, you 'ran your best game'. LOL

Forget about rationalizing why she didn't contact. She wasnt into you. NOT EVERYONE is meant to connect with YOU. Once you accept that reality, and accept that it isn't a personal flaw, you will feel better about yourselves. Seriously.

Bottom line, the majority of the time chicks ghost because they are not into you. Even if they pretend to be interested on the date. They are doing what you are doing, trying to have a good time, despite what they are really thinking/feeling.

 

[Who Dares Win]

The only sure thing about it is that if the guy disappears its his fault for being an unpolite scumbag, if she disappears its again his fault for behaving unpolite or boring during the date.

Mainstream culture 101

 

[sazc]

The only sure thing about it is that if the guy disappears its his fault for being an unpolite scumbag, if she disappears its again his fault for behaving unpolite or boring during the date.

Mainstream culture 101

ONLY if you want to accept those labels.

 

[ThisNThat]

Puh-lease! ego much? You guys always attribute females not showing interest in you to monkey branching, reconnecting with an ex, other men in her life, etc.

Get over that sh1t. Females don't pursue you because they decide they are not into you. Regardless of your home grown theories (b/c that is truly what they are!), every female does not NEED to keep a male around (orbiters or otherwise) in order to feel good about herself. If a chick doesn't initiate after a date it's either because she wasnt into you, and sees no reason to waster her time, or she is waiting for you to lead. If you contact her, and she ghosts you, she just isn't into you. Deal with it.

The real issue is that you take this sh1t WAY too personally. It chips your ego, so you have to concoct these home grown theories as to why she wouldn't be into you because, after all, you 'ran your best game'. LOL

Forget about rationalizing why she didn't contact. She wasnt into you. NOT EVERYONE is meant to connect with YOU. Once you accept that reality, and accept that it isn't a personal flaw, you will feel better about yourselves. Seriously.

Bottom line, the majority of the time chicks ghost because they are not into you. Even if they pretend to be interested on the date. They are doing what you are doing, trying to have a good time, despite what they are really thinking/feeling.

Yep. No point in trying to figure out it out.

 

[Who Dares Win]

ONLY if you want to accept those labels.

Of course same thing for a judge order...I have to pay her cash only if I accept such label

As long as I dont accept that "frame" there wont be conseguences on me right?

Try to be the guy who ghosted a girl in your social circle and see how you can wash away that label.

 

[AlphaNate]

One of the things I figured out very early on about women is that they don't understand how much effort and responsibility is on the man to make things happen.

Elaborate, please.

 

[sazc]

Of course same thing for a judge order...I have to pay her cash only if I accept such label

As long as I dont accept that "frame" there wont be conseguences on me right?

Try to be the guy who ghosted a girl in your social circle and see how you can wash away that label.

I absolutely understand the applied gravity you feel when someone in your social circle attempts to label you as the root cause for some situation. Thing is, it takes TWO people to make something successful. When someone tries to assign responsibility to you for a situation gone awry, you dont have to agree. There are a thousand ways to counter that negate all implications - the most reasonable being "dude, you are right, we just lacked any chemistry at all, definitely not the right people for each other. I wasnt feeling her and, I'm guessing by what you are saying, she wasnt feeling me"

Because sometimes it does all come down to two people lacking chemistry - and that is no ones fault.

Now, if you slept with her and then decided you weren't into her and ghosted her, I got nothing for you on that. Take your lumps. The lesson there is not to sleep with them til you know you want to be around them. If choose to ignore that lesson then you choose the consequences that come along with it.

 

[sazc]

A successful first date where you really clicked doesn't mean a guy is into you, it doesn't mean you have great chemistry together - it just means he's really good at creating intimacy.

Elaborate, please.

@AlphaNate I think @deesade referring to the effort that @Wilko has mentioned above.

There is a LOT of effort on the mans part to create/fabricate that feeling of connectivity, intimacy and chemistry between he and the female.
Probably even more effort if these feelings are organically non existent.

 

[Trump]

Puh-lease! ego much? You guys always attribute females not showing interest in you to monkey branching, reconnecting with an ex, other men in her life, etc.

Get over that sh1t. Females don't pursue you because they decide they are not into you.

Check that; they have no use for you.

every female does not NEED to keep a male around (orbiters or otherwise) in order to feel good about herself.

She doesn't need it, but obviously she wouldn't reject it.

The real issue is that you take this sh1t WAY too personally. It chips your ego, so you have to concoct these home grown theories as to why she wouldn't be into you because, after all, you 'ran your best game'. LOL

Forget about rationalizing why she didn't contact. She wasnt into you. NOT EVERYONE is meant to connect with YOU. Once you accept that reality, and accept that it isn't a personal flaw, you will feel better about yourselves. Seriously.

Agree with not taking it personally. But a woman doesn't want to 'connect' with a man, they want USE out of him. It's the men that want to 'connect' with woman, find their soul mates, find their partner in crime, find their life partner, settle down early, have 2 kids and the white picket fence.

No wonder Disney stock is $107.00. They have sold American men the biggest con job of all time!

 

[sazc]

Agree with not taking it personally. But a woman doesn't want to 'connect' with a man, they want USE out of him.

That is the most ridiculous thing i have ever read. You need to date better quality females, and screen better, if that is your reality.
Good luck

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

the practice is always good.

I've been able to, over the years, learn to have a "mutually" enjoyable conversation with almost anybody. Even people I dislike.

No doubt similar to skills that plenty of hookers, strippers and "sugar babies" have.

However, I can understand how this could be misread by a girl with her hopes up.

If anybody wants to see a girl go nearly psycho over "ghosting" check out "Hot Girls Wanted - Turned On" on Netflix. I believe it's episode two, all about tinder. Some dude (famous DJ or something) goes through dozens of girls on tinder and ghosts 'em all.

 

[mikey2012]

I dont ghost. Im just too busy to care. Women must do ALL the work to get my attention.

 

[Wilko]

Kek!

I love the way threads inevitably take on a direction you never intended when you wrote the OP. Now I know what my parents must feel.