what was the right way to handle this?

[Ray Don]

Hey all,

I think I've f^#$ed up. Lately, I've been trying to get out more, meet more girls. I'm 27 and haven't dated much at all. There's one thing that I've never learned to do that is really bothering me...what is the right way to turn down further dates. What's happening is I meet some girls online, and then when we meet in real life, it's not happening for me.

My old approach was being passive, i.e., avoiding further contact and leaving it up to the girl to figure out that I don't want to see them again. But I don't want to do that anymore; girls have done that to me and I hate it. In the interest of dating karma, I want to change my evil ways.

Well, I met a girl earlier this week that I was talking to online, and I wasn't physically attracted to her. But I liked talking to her, and I wanted to stay in contact. Obviously, I didn't know what to do so I did something stupid. About a day or two after I met her, I wrote her an e-mail, and said basically: I didn't know if our meeting was considered a date, but I don't really feel like I want to date you, but I had fun. And then I said I'd like to keep in contact.

Well, I haven't heard from her. Now that I think about it, I think I should have just waited to see what she said next and took it from there. But no, I jumped the gun.

What would've been the right way to handle this? I need help for the future!!!

Thanks!

Jason

 

[iveyleeger]

That was a bit blunt. How about:

That was fun. I'm busy for the near future, but let's keep in touch.

She'll get the idea you're not asking for another date. Then you can come back in a few months and suggest a friends only activity.

But don't expect that girls you next will want to keep in touch. Rejection isn't the best path to friendship. How many girls who rejected you did you feel like hanging out with?

 

[Ray Don]

Thanks for your idea; that definitely sounds a lot more tactful (I think that's the word) than what I did.

I guess I rushed things instead of thinking it through. Hell, I should've checked here first. Anyway, I've learned a hard lesson.

 

[Wyldfire]

In cases like that, you should just tell her this...

I really had a great time with you and enjoyed your company a lot. I hope to get together again sometime and hang out. The only problem is that I didn't feel any romantic chemistry between us, and that's a real shame because it would have been great if I did with how much of a good time I had. I'd really love to hang out again as friends if you'd be interested in that, but without that chemistry, I just can't date you. Let me know what you think.

That's about the best way to approach a situation like this where you want the girl as a friend but don't want to date her. You can also introduce her to your male friends because one of them might want to date her and vice versa.

 

[joekerr31]

i dont know what the right way to handle it would have been, but i can give you my 2 cents on the right way to react to this.

there are no guarantees on anything in life, and there is never a 100% right way to react to all situations.

you did your best, forget about it now and move on. you've lost nothing.

women don't put 5% of the effort that men do into worrying about whether they've done the right or wrong thing. they just do whatever the h*ll they want to.

so i think we should cut ourselves some slack, act on instincts more often, and say to hell wiht the consequences sometimes.

anyway, just my 2 cents.
J

 

[gixxer]

Pure genius, wyldfire! I'm going to save that little blurb of yours to work off of next time I have a situation like that.

gixx