I've realized that when I'm around a girl I like I go into what I call "girlfriend mode". No, I don't become her girlfriend or anything like that, I start treating her as if we're in a relationship. I start setting it up in my mind like we're a couple. This is bad, because for some reason when I do this I no longer am myself. Usually I'm a playful guy (c&f if you will), I get along with everyone and girls show lots of interest. But when I let "girlfriend mode" kick in when I'm with a girl, I start to lose those playful charms and become more laid back. Too laid back. Boring I guess. The playfulness goes away, and most joking with it. I'm not even sure what to make of it. Maybe it's because I feel like I've already won her over and I'm losing interest? Remember, no "nice guy" qualities are used anywhere here. Thoughts? This is something I just started realizing today.
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
What to make of this?
- Thread starter Jon55
- Start date
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
WC2
Master Don Juan
Do you have passions that you want to pursue in life? What is important to you on an every day basis? Do you have any large longterm goals set for yourself?
If the answer is no, then work at it!
But I'm assuming the answer is yes, because after all most of us have at least THOUGHT of things we want to do in our life.
Concentrate on your goals and your aspirations and these feelings of wanting to be in a relationship will all but soon fade away. Every man needs a passion in his life and a lot of men make the mistake of placing a woman in that niche. The only problem with this is that a woman will NOT help you succeed in life as much as a regular passion. The other problem is that a woman doesn't want to be your passion; she wants to enjoy the ride while you attain your goals and aspirations.
My advice for you is to think of yourself a little more highly. Do you really need a woman in your life? No. Do you really need to get cozy with another woman? Well every once in awhile it's fine to relax yourself with a woman, but there's a thin line between relaxing and getting "cozy" into an atmosphere. Know your boundaries and don't let yourself overstep them.
A side note is the upside of this is that women will want you even more. Now that you are "unattainable" in her eyes, she wants to tame and attain you. When a woman gets into that mode, I just wish her luck.
If the answer is no, then work at it!
But I'm assuming the answer is yes, because after all most of us have at least THOUGHT of things we want to do in our life.
Concentrate on your goals and your aspirations and these feelings of wanting to be in a relationship will all but soon fade away. Every man needs a passion in his life and a lot of men make the mistake of placing a woman in that niche. The only problem with this is that a woman will NOT help you succeed in life as much as a regular passion. The other problem is that a woman doesn't want to be your passion; she wants to enjoy the ride while you attain your goals and aspirations.
My advice for you is to think of yourself a little more highly. Do you really need a woman in your life? No. Do you really need to get cozy with another woman? Well every once in awhile it's fine to relax yourself with a woman, but there's a thin line between relaxing and getting "cozy" into an atmosphere. Know your boundaries and don't let yourself overstep them.
A side note is the upside of this is that women will want you even more. Now that you are "unattainable" in her eyes, she wants to tame and attain you. When a woman gets into that mode, I just wish her luck.
DonGorgon
Master Don Juan
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That only happens to me if i am not sure how she feels about me... once/if we get past that early anxiety its very smooth and easy...
This is something a lot of men struggle with to an extent. The way I have found to get around it is to pretend that every girl I talk to is one of my best friends' girlfriends. I have always been my ultimate C&F self around them, so I just do my best to talk to every girl as if I were talking to one of them.Jon55 said:I've realized that when I'm around a girl I like I go into what I call "girlfriend mode". No, I don't become her girlfriend or anything like that, I start treating her as if we're in a relationship. I start setting it up in my mind like we're a couple. This is bad, because for some reason when I do this I no longer am myself. Usually I'm a playful guy (c&f if you will), I get along with everyone and girls show lots of interest. But when I let "girlfriend mode" kick in when I'm with a girl, I start to lose those playful charms and become more laid back. Too laid back. Boring I guess. The playfulness goes away, and most joking with it. I'm not even sure what to make of it. Maybe it's because I feel like I've already won her over and I'm losing interest? Remember, no "nice guy" qualities are used anywhere here. Thoughts? This is something I just started realizing today.
This is something a lot of men struggle with to an extent. The way I have found to get around it is to pretend that every girl I talk to is one of my best friends' girlfriends. I have always been my ultimate C&F self around them, so I just do my best to talk to every girl as if I were talking to one of them.Jon55 said:I've realized that when I'm around a girl I like I go into what I call "girlfriend mode". No, I don't become her girlfriend or anything like that, I start treating her as if we're in a relationship. I start setting it up in my mind like we're a couple. This is bad, because for some reason when I do this I no longer am myself. Usually I'm a playful guy (c&f if you will), I get along with everyone and girls show lots of interest. But when I let "girlfriend mode" kick in when I'm with a girl, I start to lose those playful charms and become more laid back. Too laid back. Boring I guess. The playfulness goes away, and most joking with it. I'm not even sure what to make of it. Maybe it's because I feel like I've already won her over and I'm losing interest? Remember, no "nice guy" qualities are used anywhere here. Thoughts? This is something I just started realizing today.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
I think it might be an odd combination of that. Recently I've been very focused on myself (thank you SoSuave!). I have many long-term goals and have been working at them. But sometimes I wonder if I'm taking myself too seriously. I have a fun playful side, and an intellectual side. Sometimes I feel like I've become too much of an intellectual, and am losing my playful side.WC2 said:Do you have passions that you want to pursue in life? What is important to you on an every day basis? Do you have any large longterm goals set for yourself?
If the answer is no, then work at it!
But I'm assuming the answer is yes, because after all most of us have at least THOUGHT of things we want to do in our life.
Concentrate on your goals and your aspirations and these feelings of wanting to be in a relationship will all but soon fade away. Every man needs a passion in his life and a lot of men make the mistake of placing a woman in that niche. The only problem with this is that a woman will NOT help you succeed in life as much as a regular passion. The other problem is that a woman doesn't want to be your passion; she wants to enjoy the ride while you attain your goals and aspirations.
My advice for you is to think of yourself a little more highly. Do you really need a woman in your life? No. Do you really need to get cozy with another woman? Well every once in awhile it's fine to relax yourself with a woman, but there's a thin line between relaxing and getting "cozy" into an atmosphere. Know your boundaries and don't let yourself overstep them.
A side note is the upside of this is that women will want you even more. Now that you are "unattainable" in her eyes, she wants to tame and attain you. When a woman gets into that mode, I just wish her luck.
It's weird. When I'm with a girl (just her and I, when it's a larger group I don't really have this problem) it just feels like I lose the playful, flirty touch. For example, I was taking a this chick to a football game the other night (college football, nothing big. We mainly went to see some people). We were driving along and at first the convo was fun and lively, but as I was driving us home it kind of turned into this...weird....bland convo. Kind of like if you were talking to someone just to be polite, making small talk. I lost interest I guess. It happens with a lot of girls, I guess because I have high standards (not in looks so much as in personality) and when they aren't met, I just kinda get bored and want to do something else.
I can totally relate. You probably have high standards, like me. And when a girls isn't meeting our standards, we lose interest and go into that bland talk you were talking about.
On the otherhand, acting like you said above isn't totally a bad thing. Remember, you don't want to intentionally impress her. Trying to impress will kill the attraction, so you dont wanna be constantly talking, bragging about yourself; your gonna look very needy/desperate.
back when i was an AFC, i always wondered why when I showed lil interest, girls woukld be attracted to me. There would be these girls I didnt really care about, i just wanted to get laid. And our convo's sucked, I never really showed any enthusiasm, yet these girls would not leave me alone! Well, now I know.
Anyways, I think its ok to be sorta laid back. But not too much, cause you'll come across being very boring. I think you should get into some more exciting convos, but dont overdo it. Somewhere in the middle would be perfect. Bont honestly i wouldnt worry about it, I always let the babes do the talking and just listen and works great for me
On the otherhand, acting like you said above isn't totally a bad thing. Remember, you don't want to intentionally impress her. Trying to impress will kill the attraction, so you dont wanna be constantly talking, bragging about yourself; your gonna look very needy/desperate.
back when i was an AFC, i always wondered why when I showed lil interest, girls woukld be attracted to me. There would be these girls I didnt really care about, i just wanted to get laid. And our convo's sucked, I never really showed any enthusiasm, yet these girls would not leave me alone! Well, now I know.
Anyways, I think its ok to be sorta laid back. But not too much, cause you'll come across being very boring. I think you should get into some more exciting convos, but dont overdo it. Somewhere in the middle would be perfect. Bont honestly i wouldnt worry about it, I always let the babes do the talking and just listen and works great for me
Hah yeah. It sounds like I'm concerned over change, and good change at that. Glad to see I'm not alone on this.Sandow said:I can totally relate. You probably have high standards, like me. And when a girls isn't meeting our standards, we lose interest and go into that bland talk you were talking about.
On the otherhand, acting like you said above isn't totally a bad thing. Remember, you don't want to intentionally impress her. Trying to impress will kill the attraction, so you dont wanna be constantly talking, bragging about yourself; your gonna look very needy/desperate.
back when i was an AFC, i always wondered why when I showed lil interest, girls woukld be attracted to me. There would be these girls I didnt really care about, i just wanted to get laid. And our convo's sucked, I never really showed any enthusiasm, yet these girls would not leave me alone! Well, now I know.
Anyways, I think its ok to be sorta laid back. But not too much, cause you'll come across being very boring. I think you should get into some more exciting convos, but dont overdo it. Somewhere in the middle would be perfect. Bont honestly i wouldnt worry about it, I always let the babes do the talking and just listen and works great for me