What to do??

[Headmaestro]

Hi everyone. This is my first post to the forum. I’m having a hard time letting my ex girlfriend go after 5 years. She is the mother of my son and I have to see her constantly. I’m 42 years old and live with my mother but I’m currently saving to buy my own place. The ex girlfriend likes to drop hints that we have a chance of getting back together. She’ll even touch me playfully grabbing my penis and touching my ass. She says things like “maybe we’ll get back together if you start acting right”. I’ve been acting like I have other girls I’m dating but in truth, I do not. I’m trying to play like I do though to maybe get her thinking that girls are chasing me. Last night I walked up behind her and started kissing her on the neck. She shut it down by saying
“you have to be nice to me first”. Later that evening she left her phone unlocked and I went through it while she was in the other room. I noticed she is talking to 3 other guys telling one of them “I love you” and telling another guy to leave his house unlocked so she can come in and take a shower with him. Wtf? What should I do with this one? Should I even be trying to meet women until I can get my own place and get back on my feet? I think about the ex constantly. She’s the first thing to pop in my head in the morning, all throughout the day and when I go to sleep. It’s driving me CRAZY!!

Thanks in advance!

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

Go NC bro. Your princess is in another castle and she's obviously not worth the hassle. She belongs to the streets. Get out dat jam. She disqualified herself. "Act nice and I'll do this" hell na bro you should be telling her this. You're not her dog, she should be yours. Just see her when absolutely necessary and for the rest go NC.

 

[Focal core]

Go NC bro. Your princess is in another castle and she's obviously not worth the hassle. She belongs to the streets. Get out dat jam. She disqualified herself. "Act nice and I'll do this" hell na bro you should be telling her this. You're not her dog, she should be yours. Just see her when absolutely necessary and for the rest go NC.

This

 

[Headmaestro]

Go NC bro. Your princess is in another castle and she's obviously not worth the hassle. She belongs to the streets. Get out dat jam. She disqualified herself. "Act nice and I'll do this" hell na bro you should be telling her this. You're not her dog, she should be yours. Just see her when absolutely necessary and for the rest go NC.

Even when she contacts me first? Should I just ignore the calls and texts?

 

[GioWolf]

Oneitis is a terrible disease. If you haven't read The Rational Male, I suggest you do so immediately. No contact may be hard since she's your baby's mama, but limit communication with her to only logistics regarding your kid.

 

[CopperHead]

What everyone else is saying, go no contact. Focus on yourself. Get out of your mom's place. Date other women.

It sounds like she is stringing you along while she fvcks other dudes.

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

Even when she contacts me first? Should I just ignore the calls and texts?

Ignore everything except the utmost important texts about logistics. You are not like that to her anymore and she needs to realise that. She broke it off so she loses the right to your time and attention. Knowing women she will probably start using all kindsof tricks to get your attention back when you go NC, don't fall for it.

 

[Headmaestro]

Oneitis is a terrible disease. If you haven't read The Rational Male, I suggest you do so immediately. No contact may be hard since she's your baby's mama, but limit communication with her to only logistics regarding your kid.

Oneitis sucks dude. I’m currently reading the Rational Male for the second time. I want this woman for some reason. She has a gorgeous body and struts it around and it drives me crazy. It’s hard when I see that walking around

 

[Headmaestro]

What everyone else is saying, go no contact. Focus on yourself. Get out of your mom's place. Date other women.

It sounds like she is stringing you along while she fvcks other dudes.

I think you’re right. Just the thought of her screwing other guys is driving me crazy.

 

[Headmaestro]

Ignore everything except the utmost important texts about logistics. You are not like that to her anymore and she needs to realise that. She broke it off so she loses the right to your time and attention. Knowing women she will probably start using all kindsof tricks to get your attention back when you go NC, don't fall for it.

I’ve done this in the past and she says I’m acting like an *******. This ****s hard when I have oneitis with this girl

 

[Focal core]

I think you’re right. Just the thought of her screwing other guys is driving me crazy.

It's called bitter sting. Meaning youve been stringing along by this women, being played and used. What youre going to loose? Nothing, what you will gain moving forward that matters.. Learn, heal and grow.

 

[Headmaestro]

Of course it's hard. You know what's harder? Dragging this out by playing her game.

Follow the excellent advice of others and go hard core No Contact.

You've already read RM once? So you should know a thing or two. Your emotional brain is influencing your decision-making. If you need to, call a friend or he11, talk to your mom about it. Vent and get it out. (Note: Not to your child.) Then when you're feeling more stable, make the right decisions for yourself. They key is to separate your raw emotions from your logic.

Thanks. What should I say when she asks why I’m not responding to her texts?

 

[Headmaestro]

It's called NO Contact, not Some Contact. So you don't say anything.

I get that but I’m talking about when I have to see her in person when I get my son?

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

Thanks. What should I say when she asks why I’m not responding to her texts?

Nothing, you dont owe her an explanation. You are your own man. If she views you as an ******* who cares? Bro, you're 42 years of age. Deep down you know this is toxic and bad for you. Just reach deep down and grab that inner strength that every man has. Don't be afraid of it because it's outof your comfort zone. Embrace the power within you. (Yes I was a captain of a sports team)

 

[Lookatu]

Should I even be trying to meet women until I can get my own place and get back on my feet?

Definitely try to meet women. I haven't had my own place before and that hasn't stopped me. There's several things you can say or not say until the moment you have to. Generally if you meet older women that are ok with kids, you can always say your kid lives with you. They'll understand and normally invite you to her place all the time for anything initmate. If you're trying to get together with a gal and not tell them you have kids(at least right away) and the subject of where you live comes up, just say whatever, like you are taking care of your mom due to health issues.

Normally I'd say go FULL NC but that is impossible since you guys share a kid. I'd just stay cordial but very short response with her and no flirting whatsoever. Just tell her you're seeing someone and busy.

 

[Headmaestro]

Dealings with your son are the only instance where you talk to her. There's no getting around that.

But you can control WHAT you talk about. So be polite, but be firm. Just say "I'd rather not discuss that" and give/get your kid. It's your prerogative what you choose to discuss and you don't owe her any explanations.

*Edit, what would you say to your son in this instance? He's a child, right? Apply the same strategy here.

Here’s something else I failed to mention... when I see my son on the weekends, I stay at her house because I don’t have my own place. I sleep in his bed with him. Sometimes we have fun together as a “family”. When we have these times together, it gives me hope. How should I deal with this situation?

 

[Headmaestro]

So with NC should I not respond to anything she texts except about my son? Or should I respond back with a very short response and then let it go?

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

Even when she contacts me first? Should I just ignore the calls and texts?

Ignore it all and only ever respond to logistics about the kid.

Oneitis sucks dude. I’m currently reading the Rational Male for the second time. I want this woman for some reason. She has a gorgeous body and struts it around and it drives me crazy. It’s hard when I see that walking around

Who gives a fuuck how hot she is? Pusssy is everywhere. What's more important is a woman that respects and works with you, and that's clearly not what she's doing.

I’ve done this in the past and she says I’m acting like an *******. This ****s hard when I have oneitis with this girl

You know you're being treated badly, so listen to that instinct and push her away. When a woman disrespects you you should be turned off and disgusted, not changing your life to be her cuck.

Here’s something else I failed to mention... when I see my son on the weekends, I stay at her house because I don’t have my own place. I sleep in his bed with him. Sometimes we have fun together as a “family”. When we have these times together, it gives me hope. How should I deal with this situation?

Take the son out for the day or figure out how to have him at your mom's with you for a night or two. You're in no state to be around this woman. She's got you wrapped around her finger and you're eating up every breadcrumb like a degenerate and begging for more.

Once you spend enough time away from her and working on yourself you'll realize that she deserves nothing from you. You're ignoring your resentment towards her, don't. Disengage and work on yourself until you don't give a fuuck.

Forget hope, turn down her advances, tell her you want space, dare her to walk. Work on yourself relentlessly, jump off that cliff in your mind that you're holding onto so desperately, it'll transform your life.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

So with NC should I not respond to anything she texts except about my son? Or should I respond back with a very short response and then let it go?

Nothing. Only tell her when you're coming by to get him. Never ask her anything, talk in statements when you do this. Stop trying to weasel your way into responding under certain conditions. Be a man and have some self respect. Grow a spine and dismiss her because deep down you don't even think you deserve her. Fix that first. Forget her, focus on yourself, then OTHER women.

 

[CopperHead]

Take the son out for the day or figure out how to have him at your mom's with you for a night or two. You're in no state to be around this woman. She's got you wrapped around her finger and you're eating up every breadcrumb like a degenerate and begging for more.

Once you spend enough time away from her and working on yourself you'll realize that she deserves nothing from you. You're ignoring your resentment towards her, don't. Disengage and work on yourself until you don't give a fuuck.

Forget hope, turn down her advances, tell her you want space, dare her to walk. Work on yourself relentlessly, jump off that cliff in your mind that you're holding onto so desperately, it'll transform your life.

You said you were saving for a house. Can you get an apartment in the mean time? I don't think its healthy for you to be spending "family" time with her right now, let alone for you to be sleeping in the same house as her. If you can get an affordable apartment you can have a place for your son to stay with you, and place to take other women.